So I had another date

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I told you all about my last date in this thread.

Well, I had another date last night. We went down to First Friday. It is an art thing the city of Vegas puts on. There are open gallaries and bands and all kinds of stuff. We met at one of her friends. There was a small party with a ‘white trash’ theme. We hung out there for a while. There were some interesting people. After that we wandered around some galleries holding hands, watched some break dancers and checked out some shops. Did a little kissing. It was a good night.

We also decided to go out again. I suggested that she come over and I cook dinner. I haven’t got an answer on that yet, we’ll see what she says.

Anyway, I kind of really dig this girl. She’s cute and smart. Fun to hang out with. This is nice.

Slee

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cheers Good to hear.

About the “make us dinner” thing - did she say she’d love to make you dinner? I know I personally would feel a little weird about making dinner in someone else’s kitchen just because I’m most comfortable in my own - I know how good the knives are, I know what basics and utensils I have, etc., and have a rough time adapting at someone else’s house. Just tossing out some ideas about how she might not be entirely happy with that idea, in case the non-response continues. Consider sending an E-mail (or however else you communicate) suggesting another option as an alternative, perhaps.

But otherwise, yay for good dates and kissing!

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Huh? He suggested that she should visit his house so he can make dinner for her.

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Doh! Totally misread that! I blame trying to pay attention to TV and the boards at the same time. :smack:

Gotcha, well that removes that obstacle. Give it a little while then consider suggesting an alternate activity/alternate day?

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Read again:

Anyway – congrats, slee! Glad it’s going well!

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Go get 'em, tiger.

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Charming. Did you both enjoy it? If so, sounds like a good fit.

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Yay!

You realise, of course, that dozens of Dopers are going to live vicariously through your posts now. You are now locked into daily updates. :slight_smile:

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Yeah, I’m gonna cook if it happens. I haven’t heard back from her yet but she is kind of busy on weekends.

Assuming she agrees, and I do hope she does, I’ll do all the cooking. I am actually a pretty good cook. I haven’t decided what to make yet, so suggestions are welcomed.

Now I do have two problems. Problem number one is that I really do like this woman and it’s been a while since I’ve done this so I am getting all worried that I am going to screw something up. Part of it is the fact that it has been a while since I’ve dated and the other part is my past which leads directly to my second problem.

I am a recovering alkie and I need to tell her at some point. Now the problem is that I have no idea when I should do this. I’ve mentioned that I do not drink to her and last night at the party I was offered a drink on a couple occasions and refused with a polite ‘Thanks, but I don’t drink’. It is really not a big deal to me now, I mean that I am comfortable talking about it but I don’t want to freak her out either. Oh well, I figure I need to make it past at least the next date.

I’ll keep you posted but we aren’t going out everyday.

Slee

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Y’know, just in case “dinner” is the new “etchings,” you might want to pre-empt your invitation with an alternative choice in case she thinks that seeing your etchings on the third date is a bit rushed.

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But I thought the “third date” was the typical “will we or won’t we” date these days! I figured that’s why he was inviting her over to his place!

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Slee – as a fellow recovering person who dates, and who’s been doing both for a couple of decades now, let me offer the following words of wisdom: It turns out it’s not usually that big a deal. The other person will want to know what it means to them – so get clear in your own head what that is. For me, it doesn’t bother me to be with someone who’s having a drink, or wants wine or a beer with dinner, or whatever – I don’t want to be around people who are drinking heavily, but I don’t need to live in an alcohol-free bubble. Not everyone is comfortable with that. Figure out what** you ** are comfortable with, because your sobriety absolutely has to come first – and then make sure that that’s what you do.

My policy on providing alcohol in my house is that I will for a large party (case of beer, couple of bottles of wine), but for dinner – even for dinner up to about a dozen people – it’s strictly BYO. So, one way of seguing into the conversation with this woman might be on what you’re going to do with that if she comes over. For instance:

“I don’t drink, but I don’t mind if you do. I’ll be serving X, so if you’d like to bring a bottle of wine for yourself that will go with that, feel free.” (Note: you don’t actually have to get into why you don’t drink at that point if you don’t want to.) Or: “You’ve probably noticed I don’t drink – I’m a recovering alcoholic, and prefer that people not drink in my home, hope you’re okay with that.”

As to whether I tell the guy or not – haven’t made An Announcement about it since my first bf after getting sober – for casual dating, I usually wait until it comes up, if it does – believe it or not, sometimes you go out with someone several times and it just doesn’t – I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy ask why I order a Diet Coke before dinner.

And, overall – if she has a problem with your not drinking, she’s not someone you should be dating. Believe it or not, the vast majority of normies don’t care a whole lot one way or the other, because alcohol is just another beverage. (Which still kind of blows my mind, but whatever.)

Hope this helps – feel free to email me if you’d like.

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The latest update, I asked her over for dinner and she declined. However, the reason she declined is that she has had meetings during the evening all week and said she hasn’t seen her daughter enough. That is totally undertandable. So I suggested we go to lunch if she had the time. We are going to go out to lunch Thursday or Friday.

twickster, thanks for the advice. I am pretty open about being an alkie. I usually don’t mind if others are drinking around me however I have told my friends/family that if it does start to bother me I will leave. I have let them know that it has nothing to do with them, just that I need to be extremely carefull and am not going to take any chances. So far it hasn’t been a problem at all. At the party we went to the other night there was drinking and it didn’t bother me at all. I just declined with a polite ‘Thanks but I don’t drink’ and all was cool. About booze in the house I am not quite sure yet. My roommate is also a recovering alkie, I met him in the halfway house, and don’t want to impose on him. I’ll need to ask him about it. I do know that I will not keep booze in the house longer than the person who is drinking the booze is there. It goes with whomever brought it.

tomndebb, I did wonder if she was going to get the idea that I wanted to sleep with her*. I thought about adding the option of going out somewhere else but figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask. It could be that she doesn’t want to come over and the daughter thing in an excuse but I don’t think so. She is pretty straight forward so I think she’d just tell me she’d rather go out. In any case, we are going to go out to lunch so that is cool.

Slee

*Yeah, I do want to sleep with her. At the same time I want to put it off for a while because I’m just not ready to jump in bed with someone. From past experience, jumping in bed with someone too soon tends to screw things up. Though I could go for more of the whole kissing thing.

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Congrats man, pass some of that mojo this way!

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Funny how this is one of those things you used to hear from grown-ups and don’t believe and then it turns out to be true, eh?

Did she drink at the party? You don’t mention that. I don’t drink (well, one beer a year or thereabouts); for me liquor is something you add to stews, amazing what some 12yo Chivas Regal can do to turkey, and the bottle goes back to the kitchen cabinet as soon as I’m done pouring into the pot. So, for me, being with someone who’s also not drinking would actually simplify things!

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Usually I have sex with a girl before I go out on a “date” with her. I don’t know why that is, it’s just always happened that way. Then again, I can’t remember the last time I broke up with (and/or stopped having sex with) someone on good terms. Coincidence? Who knows? Usually we just find out that we don’t have as much in common as we thought, or I find out she’s been lying to me regularly about various things (dishonesty is pretty much the only totally unforgivable deal-breaker for me).

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Nava, she had a couple drinks at the party. I didn’t pay all that much attention. I am a recovering alkie, not a proabitionist :slight_smile:

Autolycus, I’m afraid the amount of Mojo I have available is so low that if I passed any out I’d be in negative Mojo land. We all know that that is not a good thing.

fetus, that is how I used to work. I used to end up in bed with women and then work down to a relationship. It usually didn’t work all that well. I’ve decided that I am more interested in finding someone to be with rather than just having sex. So the whole dating thing. We’ll see what happens.

Slee

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Well, I just got some less than pleasant news. I saw this woman online and sent her an IM. Apparently there is a guy she liked for a while. He found out she was dating me and he decided that it was time to let her know that he liked her. So she is unsure of what to do and I am in limbo.

Ack. This really sucks.

I did what is probabaly the right thing morally, but could be the wrong thing in reality. I told her that she needed to do what was right for her but that I hoped she would decide that was going out with me.

We are still doing lunch on Thursday or Friday but this now becomes strange.

Damn.

Slee

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You want we should eliminate this other guy, boss?

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Awww. {{{sleestak}}}

I was reading along with great interest. Things seemed to be going so well. Sorry to see that you hit this bump in the road. I hope things get straightened out soon.