I’m guessing that’s a pretty obvious sign, huh? I just don’t understand it though…but I guess I’d better catch you up to speed with the super-condensed, cliff notes version:
Met girl online, emailed back and forth for a few weeks, went out for pool which went on for about another 6 hours afterward as we just walked around and talked. More emails. Finally met up with her again last weekend for an all-day journey into the city. Seemed we both had a great time (otherwise I don’t know why our ‘date’ lasted nearly 12 hours) and she emailed me when she got home saying “Thanks for a fun time tonight…more soon!”
Only, that’s where the problem is, there’s been no “more soon.” I did email her back the following day (last sunday) and haven’t heard a peep from her since. I also made no additional effort to contact her in the interim.
So is this a clear sign that I should forget her? Should I email her again? I don’t want to come across as desperate, which I sort of am/am not. I mean, I like her–she’s cool, funny, and actually gets my stupid jokes, but on the other hand, I’m not sure I’m that physically attracted to her. But then again, she’s pretty much the first girl I’ve had more than a single date with, and the practice has been helpful, and I do think I’d like to see her more. And add to that the general difficulty I have with meeting girls at all…(hence this being the first time I’ve gone out with one more than once).
Definitely one more try. You guys had met more than once, and communicated in between, so there’s no ‘first date made things clear that it wasn’t going to work out’ type of thing. I don’t think it comes off as desperate at all to get a second email a whole week later. Plus…if she just shuts off all talking without an explanation at this point, I’m not so sure you should care what she thinks, anyway.
It sounds like things were going pretty well. I say one more try as well, perhaps a phone call / voice mail. Make it clear that you liked her and want to hang out more. Then move on with your life. If she contacts you back, great. If not, well also great.
Just don’t fall into the trap of trying to rationalize away why she hasn’t called if you don’t hear from her again. If she is really interested in hanging around more she will contact you back.
Give it one more shot. If she likes you, she won’t interpret that as “desperate.” And if she doesn’t like you, it’s a lost cause anyway.
And yeah, it’s good practice. You are going to have lots more failures before you find the right one. But you only need to find the right one once, right?
My suggestion would be to call or email her for another specific date. On that date, maybe talk about whether she likes to stay in touch by email or phone. She might be perfectly keen on going out with you, but be the type who expects you to do the asking. Maybe suggest something where she meets some of your friends.
Somewhere in multiple e-mails and 18 hours of face-to-face conversation you must have encountered some idea of activities she enjoys. E-mail her, asking if she would be interested in joining you for one of those activities. Pick one that is a bit open-ended, (e.g., a long-running exhibit at a museum or the zoo rather than a specific event such as a rock concert that puts her on the spot to say yes or no to a particular date).
Don’t ask if there is anything wrong; just suggest another meeting, expressing an interest in having another good time.
Update for those who care, or rather a lack thereof. Emailed her a week ago and nothing–which is just bizarre given I thought the second date went well too.
Now I’m just curious why she never got back to me sigh
Well, I’m not sure! We just chatted for an hour, much as we had before! I joked about me not recognizing her, but she didn’t really directly respond to it–just sounds like she’s been busy, I guess?
So yeah, had the whole ‘not hearing from her in 2 weeks thing’ not happened, this conversation would have just been like any of the others. So now I’m almost more confused…maybe? Argh, now I have no idea if she is actually interested or not! DAMN WOMEN (not really, but you know what I’m saying) ; )
Of course she’s interested. If she wasn’t, why’d she IM you? NinetyWt used the term ‘backup plan’, but it isn’t necessarily that gauche. She could be just testing the waters and going on dates, but not committed to anything yet. So you know she likes you, but isn’t crazy about you, and you like but are two weeks removed from being crazy about her. Now that you know everybody’s on the same page, you can IM her back sometime and just see what comes out of it.
Is this what the kids are doing these days? I’m only 30, but I’d make phone calls at this stage of the game, rather than AIMing. Internets chatting is just sort of impersonal. With the phone you have relatively undivided attention, vocal cues, plus the subtle indication that you’re at a new stage of intimacy.
Just a thought, but building momentum judiciously is part of the art of seduction!
Plenty o’ fish and all that. No, not the dating site. Or maybe, if you’re into that sorta thing.
