As the title says, I’m going to be best man in a wedding soon. What duties am I supposed to have? Obviously the bachelor party, but what else? Oh yeah, I’m supposed to lose the ring too, right? :smack:
Regarding the speech at the reception, what is fair game? This friend of mine and I have lived in different states for the last few years, so I really don’t know his bride very well. Help!
I’ve been ‘best man’ twice (and an usher three times, and an M.C. nine times…).
Duties of the best man start with the bachelor party. You need to get a list of friends/family/co-workers and - this is of prime importance - make sure EVERYONE gets invited that might be attending the actual wedding. Anyone not invited to the ceremony is optional, of course, but anyone actually going to be at the wedding must be invited. It’s an ettiquette thing.
Beyond that, your job is to keep the groom functioning on the big day. You should make sure that someone is around who knows how to tie a bow tie, which way up a cummerbund is worn, how to adjust the length on the suspenders, etc. It is surprising how many grown men do not know these things.
Make sure the groom eats something. A lot of guys get nervous stomaches, and don’t want to eat, but it’s important that they get something in them. A piece of toast, an apple, whatever. They’ll need the energy, and you can get dizzy pretty easy on an empty gut.
Then, just be there and - and this is important - be in a good mood. Laugh, smile, help ease cares and concerns. Sometimes, you can act as a buffer between an overly-excited relative or friend and the groom. Keep a level head, and try not to let too many worries land on your buddy.
You’ll probably be the witness (along with the maid/matron of honour). This means you’ve gotta sign the legal document certifying the marriage took place. The preist/minister/justice will step you through that.
And at the reception, keep a level head until after the speeches. There’ll be plenty of time to party, drink and dance after the words have been spoken.
As for your speech, there are two standard options. If you know the Bride reasonably well, you can welcome her to the Groom’s circle of friends, usually with an amusing story followed by a sincere well-wishing. If you don’t know her that well, you can try the “I’ve known the groom for years, and I’ve never seen him happier than since he’s been with you” kind of thing. It’s always good to throw in a few jabs at the groom. It’s expected of a best man.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you’re an M.C. as well. A lot of Best Men do double duty.
thwartme
Your job is to do anything and everything you can to make sure everything goes smoothly. If relatives need to be picked up at the airport, that’s your job. If decorations need to be hauled to the site and put up, that’s your job. If obnoxious guests need to be diverted at the reception, that’s your job.
Make sure the groom doesn’t drink so much he’s hung over and disgusting on the wedding day, or the bride may forever label you “that hideous pig who got him so drunk and ruined our wedding.” With a lot of women, you really don’t want to be the person who ruined their wedding.
You’re the default groomsman wrangler, unless someone else has specifically been designated for that job. That means you need to make sure everyone’s at the site on time and dressed properly. (Bring extra pairs of black socks, you’d be amazed how many people don’t think about that, especially if they’re meeting up somewhere and changing into tuxes.) You need to ride the other groomsmen’s asses about getting the tux orders in and paid for on time, so the groom (or more commonly, the bride) doesn’t have to do it. You need to keep the other attendants and family members from wandering off during the pictures. (People aren’t in one shot, so they wander off to pee or smoke or shoot the shit with someone, and then they’re needed for the next shot and someone’s got to go find them, then someone else has wandered off and you’ve got to find them, and it just turns into an hours-long ordeal.)
As for the speech, funny is okay, as long as it’s tasteful humor. Jokes about the bride’s appearance, amusing incidents involving strippers and/or alcohol, and stories about how the groom never wanted to get married are absolutely verboten. General rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t want a virtual stranger saying something about your loved one at a party in their honor, it’s not appropriate for your speech.
There are at least 2 other threads on this topic - one from only a month or two ago. They weren’t in Cafe Society - they might have been in MPSIMS…
so search the SDMB and you’ll get my and a buncha other folks’ thinking…
Thanks for the replies everyone! No stories of drunkeness though, huh? Damn!
As I discuss in my post in the previous thread I mention, a best man’s job is to not get drunk, to keep an eye on the groom and other members of the wedding party in case they get drunk and deal with them before they get disorderly…
It’s amazing how un-funny those particular stories are to anyone that wasn’t actually present for the drunk fest - maybe save those for the bachelor party. 
Regarding the bachelor party, be really careful what you plan. I know there’s sometimes the temptation to do something really raunchy - I think I would skip it. I was at one wedding where, against the bride’s wishes, the best-man had hired a personal stripper to come to his house and eat strawberrys and whiped cream off the groom, while naked. (She was, he had underwear on, apparently).
The wedding was a really tense affair as the bride refused to speak to or even acknowledge the best man. You really don’t want that sort of rep with your buddy’s new lady. If you have to see naked ladies, see them in a club.
A little something that could be very helpful: make sure the bride and groom get a chance to eat at the reception. Unless there’s a sit-down dinner, many times the newlyweds are too busy greeting all the guests, posing for pictures, etc. to eat any of the lovely catered food they’ve paid for. Or they only get to eat after Uncle Bob has decimated the shrimp tray. If you make up a plate of food and set it aside for them, it will be appreciated.
Sigh! You’re taking all the fun out of this… 
As far as the bachelor party goes, it’s going to be tame. That wouldn’t be my choice, but it’s his and I can respect that. The speech thing does have me worried though. I don’t know much about the bride to be and most of the funny stories I know about him (which there are a lot) probably fall into the “you had to be there” category.
Just out of curiousity, what is the historical context of the best man? I’ve heard it mentioned at other weddings that in the past they were supposed to stand in for the groom if necessary. Any truth to that?
Also, search failed for me as “best” and “man” are too short to be included in the terms and wedding brings up many pages. Any clues on getting the search engine to work for me? It doesn’t seem to like a compound word search using quotation marks (ie. “best man”).
Moving to IMHO, where you’re liable to get better replies to a question of this sort.
– Uke, CafSocMod
Thanks! I wasn’t quite sure where to put it. Since it was a question, it really isn’t in my humble opinion, but it certainly wasn’t GQ worthy.
Having just gone through my son’s wedding, my advice is:
Yeah, there’s a bunch of small-scale responsibilities like holding the rings before the ceremony and so forth. They’ll go over all that with you at the rehearsal.
Your main job is watching out for the groom during the period before the wedding – for instance, if the ceremony is at night, then all that afternoon. Keeping him calm (and sober), being sure that any last-minute tensions or hassles are handled quickly and without undue disruption, making sure that he’s relaxed and comfy.
You might also tell the bridesmaids that they’ve got similar responsibility for the bride.