Oh, no - I just meant that my rage was held neatly in check. Mostly because we were making a neat end run around him.
No, no – it’s called palpitating to see how well the healing is going. And when he yells, you just calmly say “Oh, the feeling’s coming back – that’s a good sign! Now let’s check the other side here.”
And restrain your giggling while doing this. 
Yes, that’s where I was going with my post. Thank you for helping clear that up and also I’m glad I’m not the only one that was creeped out by this.
Well, not glad, but does anyone else find this odd?
Keep up the good work, Zsofia.
Yeah, seriously, I didn’t really realize how weird and gross that was until I told other people about it and they were all “WHAT?” Comes of living too close to the crazy, I guess. Thing is, plenty of 15 year old girls have to take on adult medical responsibilities for their parents. But not when there’s ANOTHER PARENT right there IN THE HOUSE who could do it! Yes, I has a skin crawl.
I think I really am kind of shedding some anger now that there’s something I can do about it. I still have moments where I want to rip his stupid head off (can you BELIEVE those children haven’t been to the eye doctor in years and the middle boy cannot see the chalkboard at school, but yesterday my brother asked my dad to pay for HIM to go see the eye doctor?) but more and more I’ve been able to distance myself a little more and see him as, say, a disease I am researching a cure for.
I think a lot of anger comes from how helpless he makes us - by the very fact that we’re decent people it seems like he always gets to hurt us, because he has no conscience and nothing at stake and we do. Now that we have captured some pawns, he can still do things and we’re stuck because we care about fucking the kids up and he doesn’t, but I feel a lot more powerful and in control.
yes, i found it a bit odd as well. esp. as there is a wife near by.
You know what, he’s a grown-ass man in charge of his own little red wagon, and he can sink or swim, his choice and no skin off your teeth. Now that the kids are safe you don’t have to do anything about his welfare anymore.
I hate to ask this – but does he have the power to take the kids away from you at this point? I know he said they were the reason for his suicide attempt, but could he go in front of a judge and say, “I’ve reformed and I want my precious babies back”?
And could you explain a little more about the mother’s condition? How… alert is she on a typical day?
Palpating; palpitating is what you want his heart to be doing as it tries to jump out his mouth.
Well, yes and no - we can’t really keep the kids from having a relationship with their parents. We’re sort of stuck with them being in their lives as long as they want to be (and as long as the kids want them there.) Unless we want a court battle, I’d think.
They signed the papers the lawyer drew up. However, apart from being evidence, they’re not a custody agreement - it’s what the lawyer recommended since my parents for some reason don’t want to go to court (and I wasn’t there for that meeting so for all I know there’s a good reason not to do that). So yes, there could be a fight.
I’d think, though, that a sociopath would be all, “hey, it’s quiet around here!”
No, it’s more likely that a sociopath is saying “Hey these people are no longer dancing to my tune” 
Oh, about the wife - it’s hard to say exactly what she can do. She has memory problems and physical issues, and she drives but is not supposed to. He treats her like absolute dogshit - I mean, she’s no prize and I can’t stand her, but she doesn’t deserve that. He went with my parents’ friends down to Florida to help my parents move their stuff after they sold their house down there a few months ago and spent the whole trip down bitching about his “ball and chain” (and recall, popular opinion is that she’s disabled as fallout of a scam they were pulling together.) She would be pretty helpless without him and I really think she would be best off in a group home or something similar. Her family is in another state and her sister has their mother and a disabled husband on her hands, so although she was going to go stay with them for a while originally (and it seems like that won’t be happening now that he’s out of the hospital and back home) I can’t see that being a permanent solution.
ETA - she is, however, perfectly capable of dabbing on some Neosporin and slapping on a Band-Aid.
Can I take a minute to tell you guys how AWESOME these kids are, by the way? They are not awesome at their parents’ house. They are absolute little shits. Seriously, you would kick them so hard in the teeth they’d be growing enamel toenails. But elsewhere? Amazing kids! (And it’s been long enough now that they’re not on Good Behavior anymore, right?) (Now, unfortunately, their dad has been trying to get them over there on the weekends. But I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about these cool-ass kids.) The middle boy spent three hours over here this afternoon helping me build Ikea cabinets. And not the kind of Ikea cabinets that have good instructions. No, that OTHER kind. He was cheerful the whole time even though we had to redo the really heavy cabinet pieces twice. He was a willing worker! He put his back in it! He puzzled over the instructions with me! He didn’t even complain (except in the same joking way I did) when we had to disassemble the whole goddamned thing and start over! And this was HEAVY shit! Weighed a ton! He didn’t mind!
The girl! Is almost 16! But has only stomped up to her room once this whole time! Seriously, when I was her age if I only made a stomping exit once a day it was a good day. She sits and plays Sorry! with her little brother at nights even though she doesn’t really enjoy it! Yeah, she disappears into her room when given the option, but if you call her down to do something she appears! Instantly! With no rolled eyes! And she does it! Just does it!
The little boy, who is delayed (but IMHO is capable of a hell of a lot more than he’s been asked to do.) Never anything but a smile! Doesn’t even care when his siblings are shits to him! Makes friends everywhere he goes! Volunteers at the animal shelter!
They eat ANYTHING! Anything! Especially if I make it! They don’t even bug me with that whole “What’s for dinner? Ew!” thing! Last time I played Clue with them I told them I’d get us a copy of Kill Doctor Lucky and it came in and they were thrilled. Thrilled! To get to play a board game with their aunt! Their lame and boring aunt who is a librarian!
Seriously, I never thought I’d like these kids, because they’re not like this when they’re with their parents. (Trust me, I drink through Thanksgiving. I start around 9 AM. That would be funny if it were a joke, only it isn’t - by the time they show up I’ve worked up my anger to a blazing fire and don’t even taste the turkey.) This has got to be one of the massive cruelties of the universe, that the worst parents in the world get the best kids. How do you grow up in that shitty environment and be so damned sweet? All my mom’s friends do this really sincere “Oh, you are a saint to be doing all this” to me, and I don’t think they believe me when I tell them it’s easy and a joy because frankly it’s the kids who are awesome.
If there was one thing I was NOT expecting to find out, it’s that the kids are deep down (and not around their parents) really, really good.
If you subtly encourage them to schedule things for the weekend (like the boy volunteering at the animal shelter on weekends), they will have good reasons of their own for declining to go there, or to go there only for a short visit. Which sounds advisable.
Maybe because the kids have seen the worst of it, and compared it to better environments – so they have decided which they prefer, and decided to behave so as to keep the environment better.
Congratulations! Things do seem to be working out for the better.
By the way, how do the grandparents feel now? Are they noticing the improvements in the kids? And are they standing up to the stresses of suddenly having 3 kids living in the house, or is this less stress than worrying about them when they were living with their parents?
That’s what I told my parents - hey, get them so involved that, sorry, no time to spend anywhere!
I think my parents are, I mean, obviously busy, but pleasantly surprised with the kids as well. My brother is driving them up the wall, but hell, that was 24/7 previously, right? (Oh, this is cute - evidently the minute he could talk in the hospital he had his wife bringing him her sleeping pills. And now it’s all “where the tubes were it hurts all the time!” Which, I feel bad for assuming that any time a drug addict says he’s in pain that he’s faking. But, good reason, right?) I think, possibly, that my parents now have a healthier set of worries. Like, my dad now is all worried that they never go outside and do anything active. Which is a valid worry and we talked about it at dinner (DAD YOU CAN’T FORCE KIDS TO LIKE SPORTS let’s go hiking) but, Christ, what a healthier worry than “my son could have accidentally shot one of these children while carrying out a fake-ass suicide attempt”, right?
I think that really it’s got to be so mcuh better not to be in permanent crisis mode.
Oh, I am not proud. But, say, for instance, hypothetically, that I am giving The Vampire Diaries a try. As it were. And it almost made me throw my glass of wine (because I am nothing if not a pathetic stereotype) through the TV, because the “speak truth to power” history teacher got all up in the sudden-guadian-aunt’s face and was all “Parenting teenagers is IMPOSSIBLE and if you don’t think that you are not cut out for the job!” Fuckwad. The teenagers in question are 1) totally fine, like, 30 year old, and 2) okay, drug dealing teenager. It’s kind of insulting to the people who actually end up taking this on unexpectedly - I suspect most do just fine. Although if my brother and his wife had run their car into a lake things would be so much simpler!
Funny thing is, it makes perfect sense to me. I used to get “invited” elbow, elbow to the same birthday parties my 6 and 8 years younger brothers were; being the eldest cousin on one side, and almost-eldest on the other (with an eldest who never understood the concept of “slowing down”), I’ve herded more kids than I care to count; I’ve taught sunday school; I pick my nephew from school when I can… and a lot of them behaved or behave much better with me than with their parents.
Part of it is that I make the rules very clear: no mind games, and if you behave like a little shit there will be no more pool or park or jigsaw puzzles, because I don’t play with little shits. And part of it is that people (not just kids) respond to the expectations of those around them, and specially of those in a position of authority. I’ve gotten people to learn stuff they couldn’t by, step one, refusing to believe they couldn’t, step two, explaining it in a way that made sense to them (may not have made sense to others, but “others” weren’t there) as often as needed while making them do it, step three, TA-DAH! Dora’s voice We did it!
Y’all, this is so weird and crazy I havent even processed it. I just got a call from my mom that my sister in law, their mother, died in her sleep last night. They haven’t told the kids yet. I left work and am on my way to be there when they tell them.
Oh shit, Zsofia, that sucks. I wish I could help in any way better than by sending hugs, but those are all I’ve got.
Jebus. Poor kids. That is too fucked.