So she's leaving on Friday, once and for all

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I dated this girl for 2 years, and broke it off in July. She is the world’s sweetest person, and I still love her, but I couldn’t date her anymore. There were several strains on our relationship, one of which was the fact that she didn’t have her shit together and was in constant financial nightmares due to years of poor decision-making.

She is so kind-hearted, positive, and fun, but we had a hard time relating on an intellectual level . . . our conversations lacked any sort of stimulation. I found myself picking up the “financial slack” in a lot of ways when she was in a bind, and slowly over time it was expected and I was slightly resentful. As our relationship progressed, I viewed her more as a younger sister than a girlfriend. Our sex life grew mundane and over time I lost interest in sex with her . . . things were going downhill.

Over time we isolated ourselves from most of our friends and just hung out together, so when we broke up, we were each on our own. It was very difficult for both of us. I made new friends, and she tried to resurrect forgotten friendships with limited success. Here we are 6 months later, and she’s now got a one-way ticket back to the East Coast where she’s from and she’s leaving on Friday.

I’m happy that she’s moving back, she’s got a lot of good family and friends back home that are waiting for her. She’s had her fill of Los Angeles.

But now that the time has come, I must say that it makes me very sad to see her go. I don’t know why, I never see her any more. I guess it’s the finality of the whole thing. I could very well never see this person I love ever again.

Breakups suck for all parties involved, obviously worse for the break-upee than the breakup-or, but it’s odd on this side of the fence as well. You love a person, and you decide that you can’t date them anymore despite the fact that you love them. You’re the once pushing them away, and then you watch that person suffer because of what you’ve done.

I’m going to have one last dinner with her this week. We’ll see how it goes.

I hate goodbyes!

2

I can’t believe it’s 2 days and no one has posted their own tales of saying goodbye to someone whom they still loved but, sadly, were not right for.

I hope both you and she find wonderful mates in the future. You sound like a kind person.

3

Two words: Tijuana, dude!

Yeah, breakups suck. Feel better, and good luck.

4

The worst is when you still really like the person, and you have to just decide that they aren’t right for you for the long haul. Totally sucks. Much easier if they turn out to be a jerk & you can just write it off as a bad mistake! Good luck to you…you just need a little time.

5

Totally. I broke up with my boyfriend of five years last April, but we’re still friends. I totally tore myself up in the last few months we were together, because I loved him so much but I just couldn’t be with him anymore, and the reasons I had for breaking up were all sound and acceptable one minute and completely frivolous the next. Even though I know I made the right decision in the long run, I still choke up sometimes thinking about the whys and hows.

6

UPDATE

We had dinner last night, at which I learned that . . . she’s seeing someone else.

Dagger to the heart! I figured since she was moving, she had no romantic ties, but I was mistaken. It’s the whole “got reaquainted with guy I grew up with on MYSPACE and now we’re dating” situation.

This guy doesn’t even live where she’s moving to (450 miles away), and is in the coast guard . . . sounds like a rebound if there ever was one. She started dating him not a month after we broke up. And the MYSPACE side of it is salt in the wounds . . . I always told her how annoying and tastless I found the whole phenomenon.

Six months in to the breakup, and I just re-opened some of the wounds in a way.

Damn. I guess that’s what I was asking for. Of course she found someone new . . . just like how she had a boyfriend before me.

She’s probably dancing down the street right now singing " . . . and you’ll see me with somebody new, I’m not that stupid littler person still in love with you . . ."

7

Focus, Roboto, focus. Remember the “fact that she didn’t have her shit together and was in constant financial nightmares due to years of poor decision-making,” and “conversations [that] lacked any sort of stimulation.” And don’t forget: “I viewed her more as a younger sister than a girlfriend. Our sex life grew mundane and over time I lost interest in sex with her . . . things were going downhill.”

That said, I empathize. I broke up with (well, got dumped) by the former girlfriend going on five years now, and haven’t had a real relationship since. (I won’t even go into the sob story about how many times I’ve been stood up as second string to some chick’s “real date”.) Six months is a nonce; you’re just in healthy recovery mode. Get out there and start beating the bushes for your dream girl.

Stranger

8

Thank you for the encouragement . . . it truly is helpful.

Any you’re right . . . I conveniently ignore all of the reasons why the relationship failed and focus on the “she has new person now and I don’t.”

Wow, I thought 2 years was hard . . . I can’t imagine 5 years. Or a marriage for that matter.

I guess this shitty part of relationships helps us truly appreciate when the going is good.

Time to beat the bushes . . .

“OOOHHHH Dreeeaaaam Giiiiiirrrrrrl? Where arrrrrrre youuuuuuuuuu?”

9

It might work better if you’re holding roses, chocolates and a comfy pair of PJ pants for the lady to don for the night :wink: