So sorry you have to leave. No, really. Bye! So long!

I decided to create this thread as a public service for the <STRIKE> pretentious little narcissists </STRIKE> poor beleaguered posters who can no longer suffer the indignity of exposing themselves to the unconscionable lack of whatever it is that they find our lack of unconscionable for another day. When you decide that you <STRIKE> have used up everyone’s patience and credulity </STRIKE> cannot bear to grace us with your perspicacious insights any longer, due to our total lack of whatever it is you feel we totally lack, you can simply come here and <STRIKE> indluge yourself in a last post snit </STRIKE> set the record straight before you leave.

I understand why the option of simply leaving is unpalatable to you. We, blind fools that we are might completely miss your <STRIKE> little tantrum</STRIKE> righteous indignation. By all means, make clear our great loss, in your impending absence. Imagine the heartbreak we would have felt if we found that you had left weeks, or months ago, and we had not noticed. The poignant sorrow of your <STRIKE> childish melodrama </STRIKE> courageous exit will provide one <STRIKE> last guffaw </STRIKE> final chance at enlightenment for your unappreciative audience.

If you use this thread for your <STRIKE> self indulgent huff </STRIKE> dignified rebuke, you can be sure that<STRIKE> the blessed silence </STRIKE> sudden lack of guidance your absence will bring will cause each and every one of us to <STRIKE> giggle briefly </STRIKE> come here, and see if the thread has come to the top again, coincident to your departure. Then you will know that your <STRIKE> bilious drivel </STRIKE> unstinting promulgation of truth will be missed.

And don’t let the cyber door hit you in the ass, either, you nitwit.

<P ALIGN=“CENTER”>           Tris </P>

The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards.
–Alexander Jablokov,

LOL

That’s great, Trisk. You have to show me how to do that.


When are you going to realize being normal isn’t necessarily a good thing?

Now, see, I came into the Pit, because I can’t get into MPISMS, so I was feeling sorry for myself. Then I came in your thread, and caught me a giggle. Thanks!

Thanks thanks thanks! I couldn’t have put it better myself. Quite hilarious!

Strikeout text: <s>text here</s>

like this:
<s>blah blah blah</s>

Being that this is the pit I should be ranting and raving but that post just cracked me up. Does anybody really give a shit about the departure of idiots? GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!

All ya gotta do is click on the “reply w/quote” icon to see the coding Tris used. “Reply w/quote” is the thingy with the red arrow pointing to the right; it’s at the top of everyone’s posts.


>< DARWIN >
__L___L

What’s this referring to?

This is referring to Dark Wing Duck’s Goodbye thread in MPSIMS: http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/004629.html - the same one where we all patted him on the back and implied something like “sorry to see you go… sniff”, and then we all high-tailed it over here to giggle about him after the fact.

It’s likely that Mr. Duck was just trying to get a few of us to realize what incredible jerks we can be, but my assertion is that those of us who need to realize this the most never will.

For the record, have a look at his last post prior to saying goodbye and you may be able to empathize a little: http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000625.html

Yeah, him, but some others, as well, I have been reading old threads, and the gratuitous parting shot post as art form was beginning to piss me off. So, what with the pit being here, and all, well, I just couldn’t help myself. If I have offended anyone, please let me say,

** “You fucking promised you were gonna leave, you lying shitbag!! Bite me!”**

<P ALIGN=“CENTER”>           Tris </P>
<HR></P>
***<FONT FACE=“Webdings” SIZE=5 COLOR="#ff00ff">

-</FONT></P>***

Tris:

Brilliant work.

Opus:

There’s a “Dark Wing Duck…What an Asshole” thread? Damn, I gotta go find it and post!

I’m one of the folks he was upset with, I’m sure, as I was sincerely irritated by his “Jazz is Crap” thread here…the one where TubaDiva called him a little troll, SaxFace flipped him the bird, and I called him a sorry-ass excuse for a musician if he couldn’t identify Thelonious Monk’s style. I was going to join in the MPSIMS thread and call him a jerk again, but didn’t want to break into all the weepy shit.


Uke

Ok, so the codes don’t work, but I am resurrecting my own pit thread in honor of Joe Malik, cause he deserves it.

Also because he will read it.

Hell, he will probably respond to it, the poor sainted little martyr.

Tris

Yeah Trisk …easy for you to say! :slight_smile:

“Tis better to have had a Joe Milak and lost than never to have had a Joe Milak at all”. (Some Fool)

That was too funny. Since I see a few goodbyes I didn’t know who you were talking about. Glad somebody cleared that up.

I thought all that           and </STRIKE> stuff was supposed to be some satirically clever comment on the human condition or something. I was so confused!

Shows you how much I know.

Tris, I am mortally offended on behalf of all people who have left the board in the past and won’t therefore have a chance to defend themselves here. Sniping someone in the back when they are down and can’t defend themselves is the lowest form of wit, sorry shit, and I feel I have to leave the board as it no longer meets my high moral standards.

Fierra.

Made ya look!

(all the people complaining at the back about the fact that I came, can go felch yourselves…they’re selling extra long straws at walmart!)

Worse still than the people who leaveare the ones who kick up a huge tantrum and say pity me, I’m leaving you’re all too horrible…and then come back a week later! If you’re going to do that, just take off for a week, blow off some steam & come back when you’re ready. If you’re really lucky, someone will have started a “has anyone seen…” thread & you’ll realise you were missed. If not, at leastyou haven’t made more of a jerk out of yourself than usual.

If I had a penny for every post I’ve made that pissed someone off, I’d could almost buy some M&Ms from the vending machine right now.

And if this post didn’t piss anyone off, well then it’s clear that you’re just a meat eating, Nazi uniform wearing, mouse felching, cherry stem tying, Gore loving, abortion getting, no trespassing breaking, lawyer joking, communist manifesto writing, woman bashing, asexual, very vaguely creepy, Joe Malik wanna-be.

I am smiling with great satisfaction at this.

DarkWing Duck is not the first or only one to have done this.

I think I know what they’re expecting from me, and I am sorry to say, I’m likely to disappoint.

I will not beg you not to go
I will not tell you I feel for you
I will not encourage you to come back
I will not sit around with all the other Dopers and wonder where we went wrong
I will not vow to reform my ways so that the tragedy of your departure is not repeated with other Dopers

Go if you have to. You alone can best make that decision. A little less crying on the way out, please? And maybe a little less hyperbole? Remember, if you come back in a week bored without us, it’s a lot of crow to eat if you used terms like “never.”

Don’t you people have any compassion? Any sympathy? Any empathy for these folks who feel they must announce that they can’t go on here? Don’t you?

No? Good, I’m in the right place then.