I would too. I have in fact: I tell people how I caught on fire in chemistry class and was completely unharmed. I know people don’t think I’m stupid, so it doesn’t bother me to have them know the story too. Besides, it was pretty damn funny starting around 30 seconds after the flame went out.
I’m sorry, setting yourself on fire with no injuries = funny and a good story. You need to grow a pair. Your girlfriend is right to bitch about your excess level need for sensitivity.
I have no idea why you think accidently setting your shirt on fire would make anyone sound ‘stupid’. Do you want to here what is really dumb? I accidentally set a true forest fire on my family’s property when I was 12 years old. It burned down 10 acres and took 30 firefighters to put it out. Everyone made fun of me until two weeks later when my brother also set another corner of the property on fire to burn down the rest of it. We aren’t done yet. My stepfather tried to defrost a frozen water main by building a fire around it and burned the only part of the property still standing a short time later. The volunteer fire department said that they would not respond to any fires on our property, our house included if it happened again so we stopped using open flames for a while.
That was all before I graduated high school. The cycle started all over again when I bought my house in a different part of the country and decided to clear land by burning it on purpose. Four fire fighting emergencies later (within two years), the local fire department also claimed that they weren’t even going to come again so I had to put down the matches and diesel fuel at least for a while.
That is true stupidity for you but I was never shy about telling people about that myself. If you are going to be a man, you are going to burn stuff down, even yourself, occasionally but that is just part of the expected deal.
OP, you are being too sensitive. She took you out to a gathering with her social circle, which is her attempting to include you in her life. She told a story, which IS funny, and you decided to be butthurt about it. She was probably thinking you had a fun night out together, and then when you get back to the car you ambush her with your tale of woe, pretty much negating the entire night.
When someone pulls out “walking on eggshells”, it’s time to do some introspection. No one should feel like that in a healthy relationship.
Reading your post, I got the sense that you were looking for a reason to get upset. If it wasn’t this telling of the story, it probably would have been something else.
We talked a lot this weekend. I feel much better.
Thanks for all your replies. I see where a lot of people are coming from, whether they are see the situation my way or not. Sometimes I think the author is injecting something that my post didn’t include—but I think that’s pattern matching. “Usually when this happens, this other thing isn’t far behind or goes along with it, etc.” I appreciate those as well, though, and take them as “Be sure you rule this out.”
I try to be as honest with myself as I can, i.e. what was really behind my reaction (if there’s a hidden agenda etc.) or not. I tend to be pretty good at that for some reason but I’m sure I’m not infallible. I’ve done the “fool’s paradise” but I’ve probably also thrown out a baby with the bathwater. I don’t want to cut off my nose to spite my face but neither do I want to fiddle while Rome burns. Sorry, I think I’m out of cliches for now.
We both agreed that we’re pushing some hot buttons with each other. For instance when I was little my mother embarrassed me a lot. When she was little her father criticized her a lot. Not a good recipe to put those inner children together? :smack: But I view it as a positive thing that we’re both aware and willing to own those things.
We also agreed that this type of conflagration can’t be part and parcel of our relationship. Maybe we can adjust our personal sensitivities. Maybe we can cue each other before things reach that critical mass. Maybe a professional needs to be involved. Maybe…?
So when I say that I feel a lot better, I mean that I feel like I have my head screwed on, that I’m considering the angles from a better, broader perspective. No, I don’t think it’s a slam dunk, that we’re just going to fix those problems and live happily ever after. It could work that way because we genuinely care deeply for each other, maybe love conquers all, and all that. But this isn’t the first rodeo for either of us and we know that sometimes, problems can’t be resolved. Neither of us wants to hurt the other and sometimes you wish each other the best and part as amicably as you can.
So I don’t know where it’s going to go but we both want to continue to try. Defining the problem well is the first step toward solving it, I guess.
Among the posts, this especially leapt out at me…
That rings true. I would add/clarify that whiles we’ve talked about marriage, we didn’t set a date or anything. But now that that’s on the table, we started looking more closely at issues, I suppose to avoid buyer’s remorse. And on that score, we both agreed that we should back off the marriage question for awhile. Neither of us thinks our relationship would change dramatically if we were married—we’d continue doing the things that we already enjoy. But then apply a microscope because it’s actually on the horizon and wait, nothing’s that simple.
Ultimately it comes down to a cost-benefit analysis. How much hassle, trouble, pain, whatever, is this worth? vs. How much do I value all the good stuff? Like I said, at the moment we both voted yes and we’re moving forward. IMO the best you can hope for is to make an informed decision while you have your best wits about you.
So thanks again for all the input…I greatly appreciate it! 
That makes so much sense, for both of your reactions. Isn’t it amazing how you can be 50 years old and still have the same kneejerk reactions as the five year old you used to be? I think you have to somehow find a balance between letting your SO know that they’re poking a tender spot with you without making it an excuse for you getting away with things you probably shouldn’t get away with.
I read your post and it sounds like you do have your head screwed on straight about this. I think the message that marriages/relationships should either be smooth or easy all the time, or they should be done, is really damaging. All relationships take work and negotiation. Sure, you might be too sensitive. We all have flaws. It doesn’t mean we can’t love or be loved. Best wishes.