Lucky you. I’m a 33-year-old woman with 20-years (eep!) of crampy, headachey, back pain, PMS, heavy bleeding, AND bitchyness. AND, I’m an epileptic, so I get the added bonus of being more likely to have seizures around my period! (At least before my doctor finally found the right dosage of meds so that my seizures are now under control)
And I’m sure it doesn’t. My mother was very open about that kind of thing, and I remember reading, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, when I was in 6th grade. I remember reading magazines, and thinking that I’d feel soooo grown-up when I finally got my period. And I did…at first. Then I found out that getting your period sucks. I hate mine. It’s not the media that makes me feel that way, it’s what happens during my period that do that. The media doesn’t have an effect on my uterus. And for crying out loud, it’s blood. Blood is bodily waste. If people are grossed out by it, well, why is that offensive? How is being grossed out by period blood any different than being grossed out by a nosebleed or whatever?
(Is it just me, or is the whole, “oh, women are just conditioned to feel that way because the media tells them to” the flipside of “oh, don’t worry your pretty little head about it, of course you’re supposed to feel weak!” Why can’t we make up our own minds? Fuck it all)
I don’t think it’s just the media, and in fact reading my first post, I think I overstated the “cultural” portion. I think it’s more fundamental than that, a lizard brain aversion to blood or things that look like blood because blood generally = danger or illness. I think that’s why, despite having a very open mother, despite running with hippies (I’ve sat and bled with other women in a Red Tent, y’all), despite having a lover who enjoys sexyfuntime (although not oral) during my period, despite being a nurse and cleaning up other people’s blood…despite all that, I can’t train myself out of thinking, “Oh, ick.” It’s just installed way down deep inside, at the level of instinct.
people have different squick levels. people are all over the place with this; depends on your upbringing and culture and subculture and if you are conforming or not to that.
i’ve read some that people will resort to anal intercourse (not for the usual reasons of birth control, kinky, thorough acceptance and bonding) because of the taboo against menstrual contact (and only do it then). the lesser of the taboos.
females might be better off enjoying as many vigorous orgasms during their periods. it aids in relief of cramps and discomfort and speeds the flow. lots of intercourse is good. alternating 69 between intercourse gives a chance to have an orgasm with less overall exertion. sex should end when you’re both too pooped to pop.
use red towels on bed.
it is also kind of a bonding acceptance thing.
someone might say that i’m posting tongue in cheek but that is not the case.
It’s one thing to have tongue-on-clit stimulation, or even PIV sex during a period. But blood all over his face? SQUICK. And like everyone says, it’s period blood. It smells and it’s gross.
Why do we have to be so quick to be judgemental about each other? We obviously don’t like it because of the cultural hangups about periods? How about eeeww, old blood? That is garbage our bodies are shedding.
Whatever floats your boat, but please don’t sink mine! Anyway I have a vibrator for all that.
What, exactly, does one do in a Red Tent besides bleed? I mean, are there smutty romance novels to read? Knitting? Because after a while I’d imagine it gets boring as hell being one with your vagina and all.
Honestly, blood doesn’t bother me much - I mean, blood with known provenance, obviously. If I cut my finger it would have to be pretty bad to have my first instinct not be to put my finger in my mouth, you know? But it ain’t blood.
Come to think of it, I’d be a little offended at anyone who made a big deal about anyone bleeding on them. Clearly there are different standards of etiquette on top of different standards of grossout.
Okay, there’s also different social levels of bleeding, right? If my fiance bleeds on me, I don’t care. If my acquaintance bleeds on me in a non-emergency, that’s an apology. If they bleed on me in an emergency, it’s not. If a library patron bleeds on me in an emergency, well, it would be a big enough one that nobody would be concerned about that except in terms of writing up a report. But in a non-emergency, damned right that would be offensive and rude and incredibly gross. For example, we found once that a patron had bled all over a mouse and keyboard (and one assumes it wasn’t a big enough deal to go get help, since we only found it later.) That’s disgusting, a biohazard, and rude.
So that’s just with blood, normal blood, which is generally accidentally spilled. Yes, there’s something very offensive about a woman who leaves a bloodstain on a seat - it may also be embarrassing for her, but it’s incredibly gross for us.
Oh yeah, I don’t think any of us who are in relationships with men are excusing that kind of bullshit. It’s messy and annoying and will stain your clothes, but nothing to be ashamed of.
I also disagree that it’s cultural body-shaming - it’s still a bodily fluid that’s a biohazard/disease vector. I wouldn’t be keen on someone wanted to lick up fresh blood from a cut, either.
There’s a difference between not being ashamed of periods and not viewing them as a nuisance. I’d say I’m in the camp that does neither, hence what makes me associate one with the other. I startle extremely easily- I’m ashamed of that because it’s a nuisance.
But there’s also a difference between leaving a bloodstain on a seat and letting a dude voluntarily get the same recipe of uterine lining/blood on his face. One’s awfully difficult to undo, probably could have been avoided while still allowing the same use of the chair and didn’t take anyone else’s needs into account. The other takes a good washing, can’t really be avoided if he’s going to have oral sex with you on that day and has both people agreeing on it in advance. I don’t see how bleeding on a seat is any different from spilling milk and not cleaning it up- rude yes, but not because of what the substance is, just where it is.
There’s chocolate involved. And wine. Lots of wine. Scented oils and a delicious proportion of massage therapists in the group. Yes, actually, knitting and beading and other portable crafts and games. Questions about women’s health asked and answered. Giggling and cackling and Telling of Tales. This exact thread would have been right at home, except at this point right here >.< I’d be noticing your glass is empty and asking if you’d hic like more wine.
It was actually incredibly awesome, although I’d hate to be part of a culture where it was demanded monthly, not enjoyed voluntarily as a novelty.
Spilled milk isn’t biowaste. It doesn’t carry bacteria. For heavens sake, our bodies are trying to GET RID of this.
I’m not ashamed of my period, but it sucks and I hate it. You say you have mild periods. Good for you. I wish I could say the same.
I want to be all pro-vag free spirit about it, but my period really does gross me out. Because it’s gross blood and other goo. I also realistically expect having a baby will be kinda gross, as has being pregnant. Awesome and amazing and all that, but gross too.
But I get totally irrationally irritated when my husband implies that my period is gross. I think it’s because he doesn’t have to live with it every month and the most interaction he has to have with it is during PIV sex, so shut the hell up anyway.
Also, when did everyone start saying “PIV sex”? I feel like I missed a lady memo.
No one said anything about indiscriminate bleeding. But there’s even a tampon commercial airing right now that plays on the “no one can know that I menstruate!” paranoia that many American women are indoctrinated with, with a girl who hides tampons in her boot, up her sleeve and in her chignon hairdo so that no one ever sees her with one. That’s what I was talking about. Indiscriminate bleeding is, if you’ll forgive the unintended pun, a red herring.
Periods can be awful, there’s no question about that. Dysmenorrhea is the number one cause of school and work absences for women under 35 in this country. The leading cause! But that’s still separate from the “oh my gawwwwd blood and gunk from the vag, HIGH RED TERROR ALERT” thing.
I’ll halfway agree. Menstrual fluid on paper pulp, especially left sitting in a trash can has an offensive odor. Menstrual fluid in a DivaCup has an odor, and it’s not pleasant but it’s not offensive either.
It’s kind of like the difference between fresh raw chicken and spoiled raw chicken. Neither smells good, but one smells horrible.
As someone who’s engaged in actual bloodplay… no. Just no. YUCK.
As others have said: during my period, I don’t even want to be near me. I certainly don’t want other people to touch me. Orgasms may be awesome for cramps, but I don’t even want to sex myself up, let alone with putting up with input from someone else. I’m sore, puffy, constipated and sticky, and generally unhappy physically.
And it does smell. It’s nasty. It’s not blood - I have zero problem with blood and, as I’ve said, have engaged in sexual games where blood (mine and my partner’s) and bloodletting were an important part of it. But… menstrual blood? NO. No one’s getting near that stuff, it’s NASTY.
Also sidenote re: Lestat… it was a nun, too. shudder
Wait, what? Like telling you, “Hey Anya, that period stuff is really gross; you need to stop that right away” every month?
I like to refer to that specific smell as “OMG, I smell like dirty pennies?!?” scent. It’s metallic, coppery, and unpleasant.
Menstrual fluid smells unpleasant, regardless of receptacle, but it being soaked into a paper pulp makes it smell worse. The DivaCup does not have menstral fluid descenting properties, and menstrual fluid is an intensely scented bodily fluid. It may seem subtle or nonexistent to you, but I’ve got a pretty sensitive sense of smell, so any time I’m menstruating, I am incredibly aware of how much I smell, regardless of how frequently I wash myself or empty my menstrual cup.
That said, I’ve only had one or two partners who were even remotely interested in sex during my period, let alone going down on me. I don’t mind period sex, but it doesn’t happen frequently because I have a ridiculously heavy period, so it becomes really messy really quickly. I think I’ve had one person attempt to go down on me during my period, and that was only once or twice. It’s just not something I push for, as, though I tend to masturbate on the first or second day, I don’t make it a consistent habit because of the mess factor.
Apparently my wording confused some people. I did not say that menstrual fluid has NO odor if you use a DivaCup. I said that menstrual blood does not have a BAD odor if you use a DivaCup.
Thanks to those who attempted to clarify, but that’s what I said: “Menstrual fluid collected in a DivaCup and flushed down the toilet doesn’t smell ***bad ***at all.” (emphasis added.)
Sex during a period is no big deal for me. I’ve tried oral, but wasn’t particularly excited about it. During a very light day isn’t bad.
My wife is into washable pads, and on this last time she had gotten so busy that they were left in a bucket of water for a couple of days, so one day I did the honors of scrubbing them out. Once you have babies and toddlers, you get used to a lot of body fluids. This is just one more.
**Nashiitashii – ** It was like being around a stupid 14 year old boy, instead of a man of 30. I’m not sure what he said but it was lame, douchey and immature. I didn’t want to deal with him, and baby him through when I felt like i had been hit with a baseball bat.
As I had said earlier, YMMV. IMO, period blood smells BAD regardless of receptacle. It just smells worse in different contexts. My own menstrual blood is pretty strongly scented, especially of metallic notes; using a DivaCup for me was more about “I don’t have to change it as often” than “it doesn’t smell so much”. I’m sure that some of the scent differences are directly related to diet-- I cook a lot of stuff on a cast iron pan and eat a lot of things that are full of all sorts of odd scents (like sardines).
