So WTF do you want mom?

My mom is back in the hospital due to diarrhea, they have her on a IV and are giving her antibiotics and tomorrow want to do a colonoscopy which she says she is going to refuse and wants to leave. She tells the doctors she is taking both her RXed lomotil and immodium and they aren’t helping, but she actually isn’t taking anything.

I tell her to take them and she says they don’t work, I tell her why isn’t she taking her RX’ed pain meds too but she doesn’t want to take them. She never took one lomotil and took half an immodium she cut in half:confused: How the hell do you know they don’t work if you don’t take the damn things? She says she doesn’t want to go through a colonoscopy for nothing, she wants to leave and get a second opinion.

Are you really Howard Wolowitz?

You need to tell her docs that she isn’t taking her meds.

I had to google that, never got into the show.

I really think she is getting off on the attention, but has actual issues too. Sometimes though her medical mystery status freaks her out when they want to do something painful or uncomfortable, she just wants someone to pay attention to her. She was very proud they brought in ten doctors at once to see her, TEN DOCTORS son!:rolleyes:

My dad was in the room with her, I asked him to go get her damn meds from home and give it to her. He says no why bother they are in a hospital they can take care or her, are you joking.

Everytime I talk to her all we ever talk about is this shit, everytime!

EDIT: She was slightly anemic before starting chemo, she did not take the iron supplement RX’d because she was afraid it would constipate her. Well it turns out chemo is hard on the body(she called me gloating about how chemo was great and I was wrong after the first treatment) a week later she is in the hospital getting a blood transfusion.

Tell the doctors she’s not taking the meds, and ask if you can speak to someone in the geriatrics department to get advice on how to deal with this.

I may be projecting, but based on my experience with parents facing serious illness, here goes:

What she wants is to not be sick. She’s ignoring the fact that she’s going to have to do things like take medications and have procedures done in order to recover, because she’d just like to not have to deal with any of it. A lot of times, at least for relatively young, healthy people, when doctors give us recommendations or prescribe medications, the conditions we’re facing aren’t life-threatening and if we’re a little casual in the way we follow the directions, no harm will come of it. It can be really hard for a person to accept that she’s no longer in the relatively young and healthy category and that she isn’t really in control of her own destiny.

Not long ago, when my father-in-law was seriously ill and not eating, we found out that he wasn’t taking all his medication, nor was he trying any of the strategies his doctors and nurses and friends who’d dealt with loss of appetite during illness had suggested. His home nurse, one of his doctors, and an old friend of his all suggested to us that perhaps he wanted to stop fighting the illness. We sat down with him and with the home nurse and had a very difficult discussion in which we all assured him that if he really didn’t want to survive, we would respect his decision and quit trying to impose treatments and medications on him.

That was the turning point. He was aghast that we would think his decline was because he wanted to give up, and he told us how frustrated he was that his medical providers thought that he lacked the will to fight the disease. From that time on, though, he started making a more concerted effort to take his medications properly (he has a lot of trouble swallowing pills and it was an ordeal for him to get down everything that had been prescribed) and cooperating more with his physical therapy and his home health care providers. I think that the realization that from our point of view it looked like he’d given up and that it was, literally, time to do or die shook him into taking action, and that action was to take medications and follow medical advice.

So, yeah, tell her doctors that she’s not following medical advice, and maybe get a social worker involved so that someone who isn’t a family member or doctor can talk to her about what her options are and help her to adjust to this new reality. Someone who isn’t emotionally invested may be able to find out what the issues are from her point of view - are the pills too big? Has she been worrying about the side effects? Does she realize just what the stakes are at this point? Try to be patient with her, even though it’s also really hard for you right now. It’s too bad that it’s so damn hard to be sick.

You should definitely tell the doctors she isn’t taking her meds. If this kind of behavior is a change from how she used to behave, it would be worth mentioning to the doctors in case it is a sign that she is experiencing cognitive decline (particularly if this has been a gradual change over months/years) in which case it may be necessary for the doctor to evaluate if she is in fact understanding what is going on well enough to be able to make decisions like to refuse treatment and leave the hospital.
It’s also possible she may not thinking clearly due to a reversible medical cause like a UTI if this is a sudden, recent change in behavior.

What an amazingly helpful and thoughtful post! I’m dealing with a mother who’s not quite in the same situation as the OP but your post made me really think about why my mother is refusing medical care. Thanks!

does she have c diff?

If treatment is for c diff she shouldn’t be taking anti anti diarrheals.