Well, Pffffbbbfffbbbbt to you, Mister I-Think-I’ll-Take-My-UserName-From-a-Demi-Moore-Movie!
{insert smiley here}
One comment to add:
When someone has just had a baby, particularly when its their first baby, it’s proper and natural that for a period of time that baby will be incredibly important to them, to the extent that just about everything else is somehow affected or colored. And if this person is your friend, well, part of being a friend is accepting someone for who they are and caring about the things that they care about. It would be ridiculous and cruel to expect someone who has had their baby for only a week to not want to talk about it a reasonable amount. And if you see how a parent of a newborn acts and think to yourself “what a clown! I’m certainly never inviting them over again”, well, I think that’s a poor and heartless choice.
On the other hand, in the months and year that follow, things definitely should change, and behavior should fall into far more reasonable patterns, which have been eloquently described by many posters on this thread already.
Max, I can agree with that. I think we are talking more of people who have had the same child for several years now and still think they are the first people to ever have a baby and everybody should find this the most interesting topic to talk about.
BTW, another thing I find rather irritating at dnner parties is when the only topic seems to be the food and how good it is and how did you cook it this time and how I did it last time and this is how I do it and… enough already! The way I see it, the gathering is for the enjoyment of each other’s company and the food is a mere accessory. Once we have expressed a brief compliment about the food we are done with that topic. In the context of world affairs today your cooking is utterly unimportant to me.
Ukelele Ike, I know you might find it disturbing that I may have anything in common with you but it so happens the redhotjazz web site is one of my favorite places. I have downloaded many of those audio files to my hard disk. My favorite page is http://www.redhotjazz.com/redhot.html and I was just having a conversation recently about the Beale Street Blues because I have heard many different arrangements which seem to be entirely different songs.
I love Dixieland and for many years now, every Tuesday evening I go to listen to a local Dixieland band who play very much in that original style: The Federal Jazz commission
[Aside]
Hey! Margie! can you come and get this kid outta the way?! We’re trying to hold a conversation here!
[/Aside]
Oh where was I? Oops, sorry, I was distracted and lost my train of thought. 
OH! I hate people who keep the same kid for years! Personally, I trade mine in every 3 years/30,000 miles, whichever comes first.
Dinner party? What the hell is that? I haven’t been to one of those in years. Of course I live in redneckville. I’ve so wanted to be able to throw one of those myself. I have had people over for dinner but it’s been years.
I’m lucky too. My daughter is 16 and usually not in the least bit interested in socializing with me or my friends. My son goes to his dad’s every other weekend and it would be the perfect time to have adults over. I did throw a nice little cookout this summer, mostly for family, a couple of neighbors. My family was positively disgusting. Everyone was starving after spending the day at the pool and various activities. They hit the spread once everything came off the grill like a pack of hungry dogs! Then we couldn’t sit on the patio because the mosquitos ate us alive!
As for the kids…thank goodness for Playstation. They boys retired to my son’s room for games and the girls listened to CDs.
Needs2know
Gee whiz, sailor, maybe you should post a list of acceptable dinner conversation topics so no one gets off track. 
I remember from some other posts of yours that you are not particularly picky about your food. Food for you, IIRC, is basically fuel and so long as it is basically palatable and free of vermin, you’re happy.
When I get together with friends the conversation will often turn to food if the dish being served is new or improved, or even particularly interesting. Food is important to us. We give each other cookbooks as gifts, exchange vegetables from our gardens, and love to cook together. We are the sort of people for whom those huge kitchens were designed; our parties often end up there.
I understand why you aren’t interested in the conversation. Can you understand why they might be? My husband will sometimes get into particularly technical discussions with a fellow computer geek. The rest of us might mime “eyes glazing over” or tease them about having a “geek moment” (because, really, they could be speaking ancient Sumatran for all we know) but we don’t get angry with them for talking about something in which they are deeply interested.
robinh, if all your friends are interested in the topic of food preparation then that is fine. But I go to some dinner parties where the women are discussing this type of thing while the guys we are looking at each other and trying not to interrupt the ongoing conversation which we are, obviously, not interested in. At the same time, I would consider it very rude for me to get into a technical discussion with your husband about computers while the rest of the guests are wondering why they have to put up with this. I think the polite thing to do would be to keep the topic to something of general interest and non controversial and later, we can get together and talk about issues that are of specific interest to us, without having to bore the rest of the guests.
But hey, if someone asks me at the dinner table to explain to him what is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98, heck, I think I’ll also start talking about the techniques for preparing Wienise Koshamuck when you do not have a suitable oven to use.
I will have you know that, having been single all my life, I am not a bad cook myself and I can prepare a few dishes well enough that some women were impressed (or maybe they were just good liars).
So at your dinner parties everyone is always discussing a single subject at any given moment? I guess I can see how that would get boring/frustrating if it went on for a length of time.
I don’t know, maybe it’s just a lack of social graces, but if there are 6 or 8 of us around a table there are often small side conversations. If 3 or 4 of us are talking about something that interests only those involved we aren’t offended if the others hold another conversation simultaneously. In fact, the conversation flows continually from small conversations to a subject that everyone wants a say in and back again. We aren’t passing around a feather or anything.
robinh, I know what you mean. At a big table I am comfortable holding a conversation with the person sitting next to me but when she is talking loudly with someone seated all the way accross the table, I feel very awkward trying to hold a different conversation all the way across the table about an entirely different topic as I feel it is rude of me to be talking while she is doing the same so I just shut up. I know people do it all the time but I just don’t feel comfortable doing it.
Also, when I am playing host I do not like to interrupt the flow of the conversation by asking people if the want more zuchinni. I can just sign and pass it around without interrupting whoever is telling their funny incident at the beach. I would feel rude if I interrupted the flow of the conversation and started insisting “Oh, but you must taste the zucchini!”
I also realize that I was brought up with specially good manners and that this is not the norm for the majority of the population. I am just expressing my taste, not implying in any way that other people are wrong in what they do.
And while we are on the topic of manners when we are guests / hosts, I will add one more thing I find pretty rude which is people who invite me to dinner and have the TV on or engage in long phone conversations. I feel like saying “I was under the assumption you were interested in my company but I see you just thought I needed a meal. Since I am quite able of feeding myself I think I’ll go home now”.
I cannot believe people actually do this. Well, no, I do believe you, I just don’t want to. sailor, I will answer for myself the question I posed a while ago. You do know a lot of rude people.
I have always included my daughter in adult social situations, she is 9. What I now have is a child who can behave herself at a restaurant, or at someone’s home.
[hijack]
Hey! Sailor, that DC jazz band of yours uses a STRING BASS instead of a tuba! Heresy! (However, it IS pretty damn cool that their bass player used to be with the Seldom Scene, a fine bluegrass band.)
Have you ever heard of James Dapogny? He did a HUGE job of transcribing Jelly Roll Morton’s piano solos into sheet music about 20 years ago, and is now leading Dapogny’s Chicago Jazz Band out in the midwest. They’ve got a disc of Morton arrangements out, plus assorted other 1920s jazz/dance music.
Hey Ike, thanks for signalling all of us that was a hijack. Otherwise, I might not have been sure.
Ukelele Ike, The Federal Jazz Commission used to have a Tuba but for some years now have a bass. The guy is pretty good too but yeah, I miss the tuba. The instrument I would most like to see though is a piano but Marty, the leader of the band, tells me he has never found someone in the area who can play their style on a piano. My guess is that moving a piano around is not feasible so they would be restricted to an electronic keyboard.
I have been listening to them over the years and they are really very good. Their clarinetist, Ron Hockett, was with the Marine band and when he retired he moved to San Antonio, Texas. He was extremely good. He was replaced by Henning Hoehne who was with the Annapolis Naval Academy and is one of the best clarinetists I have ever heard and plays other gigs in this area.
Over the years I have bootlegged quite a few tapes and I have transferred many to my hard disk so I can hear them with a click from the mouse.
Last night I went to listen to them as usual. I was kidding around with my friends about how on the internet nobody knows what you look like and on this board I am thought to be “an old toothless guy sitting in a porch rocker, shaking his fist at passing automobiles”. I just can’t get over how funny that is. I just have this cartoon pictured in my mind of the guy. If someone can find me a good cartoon that fits that description (or can draw it) I would love to have it and maybe put it up at the people pages. That would be so cool!
Getting back to the object of the thread, yes, of course, children need to learn to behave by participating but the parents should use common sense. If the child is being disruptive then it was a bad idea.
As for people’s rudeness I know no limit. I know this guy who is a lawyer from Kentucky and he sometimes shows up at my house without calling first, even though I’ve told him a hundred times not to do it. The guy just has no concept of what others may think of him. I just hope this is not common in Kentucky.
I hate to return to the original topic now, but…
Regarding where to take kids
I don’t have one single set of rules that I follow when it comes to social situations with my child. I use my common sense, depending on the situation. If I’m invited over to someones house where they have kids, particularly the same age as my kids, unless otherwise stated, I assume it to be a family gathering, where kids can be kids. If the majority of people are childless, I assume it to be a deal where I get a babysitter. Any grey area in between comes falls in a category where I ask if it is a child friendly event or not. I try not to drag my kids to gatherings where they have to act like a statue or play with their fingers (or a piece of lint, whatever) for extended periods of time. The older they get, the longer I expect them to be able to sit still, but come on. How long can a two year old sit down without saying anything?
Regarding discussing your own kids at length
I try not to. I understand that everyone is not quite as enamoured with my child as I am. If anything, I think I often tend to go in the reverse direction. If someone is oohing and aahing over my child, I’m likely to look embarrassed and change the subject. Possible exception: when I’m in a room with a lot of other parents, and the topic is kids. Then we can all discuss away, hopefully without one person hogging the whole conversation. When people without young children are involved, I try to steer the conversation back into more adult areas. I would hate to be in the only one in a room that isn’t interested in the only topic being discussed, and try to bear that in mind when someone else is desperately bored with the conversation.
I hate to hijack this topic further, but this brings up another problem I have…
There is a group of us that hang out together during our breaks at school. One girl insists on talking about kids and pregnancy quite a bit. When it’s just the two of us, and she’s asking advice, I really don’t mind. Lately, a few new people have joined out social group, and they don’t have kids. She keeps steering the conversation back towards pregnancy and kids, and I feel bad for the other people who are standing with us, and are probably bored out of their socks. I would much rather keep the conversation on areas of common interest. Miss One-Topic sticks with me ALL day, and I’m afraid that people are going to start avoiding me if she keeps this up. I’ve tried ducking Miss One-Topic (even if she’s not talking about kids, she can be rather annoying), but I have all my classes with her, and she even follows me to the bathroom. So, do I now be really rude to her, and make my life a hell since all of my classes are with her?
Lolagranola, your last paragraph is exactly what the OP is about. People who do not realize there are other things in the world besides their kids and that other people have other interests.
Regarding this particular person I get the impression you are just the “nice” type who does not want to risk offending anyone. Unfortunately this doesn’t work well and things turn out worse later on. The sooner you take control of the situation the better. It is just a matter of asserting yourself more which can be done very politely but also has to be done very firmly. Just take control, let her know when you just want to be alone or have something to do. You can be very nice and very firm when saying “Well, it was nice chatting with you but I have to go now… catch you later!” (with this you turn around and walk away). Or “I’m afraid I have things to do” etc. It is more the tone than what you actually say.
Yes, if you find yourself cornered by a person like that, you may find that socially everybody equates you with her and try to avoid you. I do not think you should avoid her either but always try to be equally sociable with every one. She just seems a little insecure and in need of someone to hang on to. Good luck
Thanks for the advice, sailor. Actually, I usually am the assertive type. I normally have no problems telling people off. Until this situation happened, I didn’t realize that a situation would come up where I wasn’t comfortable speaking my mind, for two reasons.
1- She’s so NICE to me. And everyone else. She just has no idea that when people’s eyes glaze over, we’re not that interested anymore. Sometimes I just have to interrupt her and change the topic, but it doesn’t deter her enough. I can be rude to people that are rude to me (a little too often, in fact), but she bends over backwards to make sure that I like her.
2- I really do HAVE to spend a lot of time with her, whether I like it or not, so if I don’t have to totally offend her, I don’t want to. I’m trying nice ways first. When people start avoiding ME, I’ll be as rude as I have to be.
It would depend on the gathering. Most of the parties that we’ve been to, have been family times. But, I still didn’t approve of my sons either interrupting other adults to chime in their opinions, or racing past laughing too loudly, playing some kind of game with the other kids who were in attendance.
DJ (my oldest)used to think I was too strict with this, until we had a party where there was a teen girl who kept telling the other women ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about’. And her mother smiling indulgently thought this extremely funny. We ended up leaving early. I hadn’t made any comment, and on the way home, DJ said to me, ‘Rebecca had some good ideas, but the way she expressed them, made her and her mother look rude.’
But, in the scene you described sounded as though, these were the only children present. And I agree that the one couple are still infatuated with their baby and have blinders on as to other people’s reactions or feelings. I would cut them a great deal of slack for awhile.
But, the point being made is, that kids are pretty self centered to begin with, it isn’t a good idea to feed that particular attribute. As stuffy as THAT happens to sound!
I think Lola’s little stalker hangs around Lola for the same reason myself and other people do… Lola simply rocks. And she is way too nice. I have told her this many times in regard to the stalker…
As for our kids, they are a big part of who we are and talking about them is just normal. It is nice when Lola and I can go out without the bambinos and talk about adult topics with other adults but there comes a point in every evening where we both have an overwhelming need to get back home to be with the kids.