Some calls may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Or: "How would you like a swift kick in the nuts, asshole?"

Sometimes our tech support call center gets backed up, so our service call center will farm out certain calls to us field service techs. These calls are usually routed to a tech or office nearest the geographic location of the caller in case it needs to be bumped up to a service call.

I received one of these calls today when Theresa*, one of our call center gals, called me and told me she had a Bob Jones* from Initech* on the line with a question about a piece of equipment, and would I take the call? Sure, I says, put him through.

The conversation went something like this:

Theresea: “Mr Jones? I have Rob on the line in St. Louis, and he’s going to try to assist you with your problem. Rob, go ahead.”

Me: “Mr. Jones? What can I do for you?”

Mr. Jones: “I have a piece of your equipment, and it’s displaying an error code.”

Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me the make and model of the equipment?”

Mr. Jones: (indignant) “No.”

Me: “Er, can you tell me the error code?”

Mr. Jones: (angry) “No! I don’t have that information!”

Me: “Well, sir, let me give you my direct number, and if you can get that info and call me back, I’d be more than happy help you out.”

Mr Jones: “YOU’RE NOT MUCH FUCKING GOOD FOR ANY GODDAMNED THING AT ALL, ARE YOU?” :click:

Theresa: “Oh my God!”

About an hour later, Mike*, our Regional Service Manager, gives me a call, telling me how one Mr Jones* called up with a service complaint, saying I cursed him out and told him to get fucked, and that he demanded I be disciplined, if not terminated.

My head nearly asploded, but before I could do much more than splutter incoherently, he tell me to relax, they pulled the entire call off the recorder, and that they already played it back for Mr. Jones*, who promptly hung up without saying a word.

IniTech* is one of our big $$$ customers locally, even though I haven’t had much to do with them directly (they’re on the north end of our service area, and one of my coworkers lives up that way, so he typically fields any service calls for them), but tomorrow, I, our local service manager, and Mike* (he’s flying in first thing tomorrow) are heading up to IniTech* to talk to Mr. Smith*, who is Mr. Jones’ direct boss.

So…what do y’all think I should do?

  1. Demand his job?

  2. Punch him in the nose/kick him in the nuts?

  3. Sit quietly and glare at him like I’m a hair’s breadth away from unscrewing his head and skull fucking him while my bosses do all the talking?

Option 3 is the wise choice, I know, but I somehow doubt that it will be as viscerally satisfying as either #1 or #2 (or both, in combination!).

I suppose I should wait and see if Mr. Jones* is off his meds before passing judgement, but Goddamn! This motherfucker lied through his teeth in an attempt to get me in deep shit, if not fired; anyone in this company who had done what he said I’d done could reasonably expect an exceedingly swift termination-for-cause.
*Names have been changed, yada-yada, so forth, and so on…

Sweeet sweet justice.
I’m just replying so I can subscribe to the thread.
I look forward to updates.

I’d go with extremely nice and condescending at the same time if you can pull it off.

Demanding someones head is easy. Making them look like a total tool while sounding like a nice, caring person is hard. And more fun.

Slee

Go get one of those recordable message voice chip greeting cards.
Record Mr. Shithead’s last line on it.
Save till Christmas.
Profit.

I’m with sleestak, if you can pull it off. I’d probably try for “bewildered and hurt” that someone would treat you this way.

It’s the least aggressive option, and it’ll put the most hurt on. This gets my vote.

If you bite the inside of your cheek, you might be able to shed a tear or two when the moment calls for it.

Ask him if he ever got those error codes.

Another vote for bewildered and hurt. You want yourself to look like the charming, polite, helpless victim here, as much as humanly possible. Think “puppy that just got punted over a fence.”

I’m also with sleestak. It will be really satisfying, and he has no recourse to say anything about it. What is he supposed to say, you were too nice? He can’t prove you’re being sarcastic, but he’ll feel it.

Heh. “As long as we were going to be here anyway, I brought along the Big Book of Error Codes.”

What will you do when Mr. Jones offers you the life-saving transplant you need?

Personally, I’d take the kidney, then fry it up and eat it, just to spite him. But I’m a huge bitch, so.

Take transcripts of the conversation and leave them in the break room, bathroom and on all the cars in the parking lot.:slight_smile:

This may be the most awesome total pwnage Ive ever seen. Really wish there was someway we could watch the meeting with asshole dude and his boss. Way to go, ExTank!

Another vote for exceedingly professional and polite. It’s gonna be so much fun for you to watch him eat his own liver.

Any chance you can get a mini-recorder and video the whole thing? And then post it for our vicarious viewing pleasure? :smiley:

“Hurt puppy?!” Ye frakkin’ gods. If I pull that off, somebody better cough up an Oscar. Really, I’m much, much better at the other thing. Sort of a cross of this :dubious: and this :mad:

But I will bring my laptop, which has .pdf versions of all of our common tech/repair manuals. :smiley:

Oh to be a fly on the wall. Excellent.

Can you cry on cue?

Please record the meeting for quality and/or entertainment purposes.