Or: "How would you like a swift kick in the nuts, asshole?"
Sometimes our tech support call center gets backed up, so our service call center will farm out certain calls to us field service techs. These calls are usually routed to a tech or office nearest the geographic location of the caller in case it needs to be bumped up to a service call.
I received one of these calls today when Theresa*, one of our call center gals, called me and told me she had a Bob Jones* from Initech* on the line with a question about a piece of equipment, and would I take the call? Sure, I says, put him through.
The conversation went something like this:
Theresea: “Mr Jones? I have Rob on the line in St. Louis, and he’s going to try to assist you with your problem. Rob, go ahead.”
Me: “Mr. Jones? What can I do for you?”
Mr. Jones: “I have a piece of your equipment, and it’s displaying an error code.”
Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me the make and model of the equipment?”
Mr. Jones: (indignant) “No.”
Me: “Er, can you tell me the error code?”
Mr. Jones: (angry) “No! I don’t have that information!”
Me: “Well, sir, let me give you my direct number, and if you can get that info and call me back, I’d be more than happy help you out.”
Mr Jones: “YOU’RE NOT MUCH FUCKING GOOD FOR ANY GODDAMNED THING AT ALL, ARE YOU?” :click:
Theresa: “Oh my God!”
About an hour later, Mike*, our Regional Service Manager, gives me a call, telling me how one Mr Jones* called up with a service complaint, saying I cursed him out and told him to get fucked, and that he demanded I be disciplined, if not terminated.
My head nearly asploded, but before I could do much more than splutter incoherently, he tell me to relax, they pulled the entire call off the recorder, and that they already played it back for Mr. Jones*, who promptly hung up without saying a word.
IniTech* is one of our big $$$ customers locally, even though I haven’t had much to do with them directly (they’re on the north end of our service area, and one of my coworkers lives up that way, so he typically fields any service calls for them), but tomorrow, I, our local service manager, and Mike* (he’s flying in first thing tomorrow) are heading up to IniTech* to talk to Mr. Smith*, who is Mr. Jones’ direct boss.
So…what do y’all think I should do?
Demand his job?
Punch him in the nose/kick him in the nuts?
Sit quietly and glare at him like I’m a hair’s breadth away from unscrewing his head and skull fucking him while my bosses do all the talking?
Option 3 is the wise choice, I know, but I somehow doubt that it will be as viscerally satisfying as either #1 or #2 (or both, in combination!).
I suppose I should wait and see if Mr. Jones* is off his meds before passing judgement, but Goddamn! This motherfucker lied through his teeth in an attempt to get me in deep shit, if not fired; anyone in this company who had done what he said I’d done could reasonably expect an exceedingly swift termination-for-cause.
*Names have been changed, yada-yada, so forth, and so on…