One thing that can be very frustrating is the fact that unless someone has experienced anxiety and depression, they really have no concept of what it’s like. “Cheer up” they say. “Life is what you make it”, or some such crap. What you’re dealing with isn’t the blues that most people get occasionally, it has a depth that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Really.
I used to have panic attacks on a weekly basis. I got my first one when I was 17 years old and had no idea what was going on. When I was in my early 20’s I was unable to work for almost a year because of panic attacks and agorophobia. In 1999 I had my worst experience to date, basically flipping out just before Christmas. The panic attacks came in waves, combined with deep depression.
I still don’t like the holidays very much because of the bad memories.
You just want to escape, but there is nowhere to go to get away from your own thoughts. Been there, done that. A friend suggested that I see her chiropractor. I figured that I didn’t have anything to lose, and went. It was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made. He did adjust my back and neck, but more importantly, made diet and nutrition suggestions that really helped me to feel better. That, combined with a prescription for Paxil, helped me to improve.
I lost 18 pounds within a month, and it took three months to physically recover. We were also moving at the time and life was stressful. I should have realized that keeping bags in the car so that I could vomit into them on my way to work was far from normal. I was so stressed that it was making me physically ill. I figured that I should just keep chugging along because really, what else could I do? I thought that I was being strong to not ask for help. I now realize that it takes much more courage to reach out to other people and admit what is going on.
I am one of the lucky ones. I weaned myself off of Paxil about three years ago, and it was like a switch had been turned off. I don’t have anxiety attacks anymore. I am not depressed. Sometimes I feel the beginning of a panic attack coming on when I am stressed out. The last time it happened I was on my way to a very important job inteview and was running late. I was surrounded on three sides by big trucks and on an unfamiliar highway. I started to panic. Luckily, I talked to myself (out loud) and then cupped my hand over my mouth. That’s a trick I learned years ago. You see, when I have a panic attack I start to hyperventilate without realizing it. If I cup my hand very loosely over my mouth, it prevents me from sucking in too much air and usually stops the symptoms. Anyhow, it worked and I was OK.
Try it. Who knows, maybe it will help, even a little bit.
I’ll stop rambling now. I just want to say that I really do care what happens to you, even if we have never met. Please post any time you feel like crap - there are people here that understand what you are dealing with. I am one of them.
{{{{hugs from the Haze}}}
I do the support group thing as best I can, as those things in my area can be kind of fleeting. I haven’t tried online yet, but it’s something I’ll look into, as I will the book mentioned up-thread.
