This came to mind at home last night, when I heard what I thought was a window breaking and I froze in fear. Just froze and listened to my heart pounding like timpani. Yes, turned out everything was a-okay, but I may just win the Don Knotts Impersonation Award of 2006.
Scenario: We’ve all read the standard SDMB “I’ll grab my gun/harpoon/trebuchet and let 'em have it” shtick. But what would you do if you’re sitting there maybe watching television or taking a shower or cooking in the kitchen, and someone breaks through a back window/door, sees you, and starts moving toward you? I’m talking about one of those psycho scenes straight from the movies.
Sorry, but let’s assume no firearm handy. If you’re in the kitchen, you have knives, skillets and a rolling pin. If in the shower, a bottle of Prell, Mach 3 razor, whatever.
My question is this: Being your best judge, what do you think you would really do: fight, run, scream, throw something at the person, or simply faint?
I’m currently sitting on my couch curled up with my laptop. If someone were to break in through either my window in the kitchen or the one in the bedroom, I’d hear it and hightail for the door, which is right next to me. If they caught me before I could get out, I’d scream bloody murder to alert my neighbor as we share the same wall. I’d try to inflict as much pain as possible, aiming for the usual suspects: groin, solar plexus, nose. I’ve been in enough physical fights to know never to stop moving. But I also know it’s easy to overpower someone if you have experience, so I’d do my best not to let that happen. If they had a weapon and threatened me with it, I’d probably do what they say, but would take any chance I could, no matter how small, to break free. If they went crazy and started beating on me, I’d most likely play dead, feign unconsciousness. I’d rather be alive, but injured, than dead.
Maybe I ought to invest in a few baseball bats?
Attack. Grab a weapon if you have one but attack anyway if you don’t. Your attacker is expecting you to defend yourself; attacking him instead will throw him off. And you’re more motivated than he is. He stabs you a couple of times, keep fighting. If you pull one of his eyes out or bite his ear off, he’ll be the one running away.
This happened to me. I was sitting in the dark in my little apt. (this was years ago) with my bowl of popcorn, watching a movie and I saw a hand snaking in a slightly open window in the bedroom, starting to move stuff out of the way :eek: . I jumped up and ran towards the window, all the while letting loose a loud string of really nasty profanity that would make the most hardened Pit-dweller blush. I didn’t think about it, I just did it and TOTALLY surprised myself. If I had had a knife in my hand, I’m fairly sure I would have nailed his to the window sill. He ran away. I moved not long after (unsafest place I ever lived.)
I would throw something at his head as a distraction until I could get a hold of something more weaponlike. I have several nice (and very sharp) cooking knives in the kitchen, a box cutter on the phone cart, and an aluminum bat under my bed. Barring that, I would first try a low kick to the side of his kneecap to take his legs out from under him. I’d also try to remember how to parry punches and break his arm while going for his throat, a choke hold, a kidney shot, something like that. Once he went down I’d grab something heavy and knock him out, then get a rope and tie him up.
Scream really really loudly hoping the neighbors would hear, and go on the offensive with anything on hand as violently as I could.
Mind you I share a home with two Rottweilers. One would bark like crazy then go hide under the bed and pee in fright. The other would attack. (Although he’s a therapy-trained dog and very friendly. Just not to strangers bursting into the house scaring his human.)
Somebody tried carjacking me once. Well I assume that was the idea, I don’t really know. I stopped at a light, it was dark. Guy suprised the hell out of me, yanked open the passenger door and started to climb in.
I wasn’t scared, I was immediately furious. I screamed FUCK OFF, GET THE FUCK OUT!!! and started punching him. He ran away.
I’m a relatively small woman, but all I thought at the moment was, how dare he invade my space. I called the cops later and made a report but nothing ever came of it.
I’m going on the attack. Given my hobbies and taste in decor, there are weapons, or objects useable as such in every room. I once gave a burglar a savage beating while I was stark naked and dripping wet; he broke in while I was in the shower. Any shitbag that unauthorizedly enters my house while I’m home is going to regret it. If it happens during visitation with my daughter, sais shitbag will be extremely lucky indeed not to leave in a bag.
I’ve always felt that a spatula and a pair of tongs would be quite effective for personal protection devices in a pinch. A frying pan is also a premier delf defense item.
Probably wouldn’t work against zombies, though.
I have a 36inch prybar which I keep in the hall downstairs. I’ll go with that over a knife anyday. I also have a small axe in the upstairs hall and a 2lb hammer. The only thing missing is an aluminum bat and I may get one of those eventually.
You have labs that just don’t lie around and give wistful sighs?
Huh.
Mine is completely useless in this department of protecting the home. She barks at everyone about twice and then greets them like they are covered in steak sauce. Hell, she even jumps into the UPS truck for a hopeful ride.
I suppose the cat might give some proper attitude towards any invader, but then realize there was no food involved and let the bad guy steal anything.
True home defense is up to the fish. Which means, we are SOL.
