Someone wants to kill me. How worried should I be?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was enjoying a vacation day from work this afternoon when I noticed a sheriff’s deputy walking up to the front door. This is a highly unusual occurrence for us, and we quickly went to talk to him. It seems he had a message for me from a police department in another state, asking me to call them as soon as possible. Which I did. And it turns out someone wants to kill me.

In 1988, (yes, 25 years ago), my cousin’s husband molested one of my daughters. We went to court and he ended up pleading “no contest.” Punishment was time served (about a week), probation, and having to register on the sex offenders list.

He lost his house due to legal fees, and lost his job at the post office for being a pervy creep. He ended up moving to a different state to live close to his parents and has been there ever since.

Apparently, he is currently hospitalized and is making “credible threats” regarding my life and that of his attorney. It also seems that he has done this several times over the last few years, but that it’s usually only the attorney that’s threatened; I’m a new addition. The hospital was required to report it to the police, police tracked me down, and here we are.

I don’t want to over-react, but I don’t want to under-react, either. I called back the sheriff’s department to ask them how a person should respond to this type of information. He called the out-of-state cop and called me back. The basic gist of it is: pervy creep is homeless, doesn’t have a job, and really doesn’t have the means to get to where I live. They can’t tell me to worry… but they can’t tell me not to worry. Local cop thinks getting personal firearms along with training and a carry permit is a good idea. But he also quite firmly stated that he believes it’s a good idea for every mentally capable citizen to do the same and be armed at all times.

Other pertinent info: pervy creep knows me by my name of 25 years ago, but I’ve had two different last names since then. I have also moved several states away from where all this originally happened and I’m not in touch with that side of the family anymore.

On the other hand, in the age of the internet, it’s not that hard to track someone down if you want to – especially if you’re family. He would know my maiden name, and the general area I live in now. Look up my father’s obituary, and you’d be in pretty good shape- public records would finish it up.

When one is desperate, and feels like their life is ruined, what measures would they take? Hitchhike to where the person lives that “did this to you”? Contact one of the siblings in the obit to get in touch with their “old high school friend” to find out my workplace? Go out with guns blazing, going postal-style?
(I only use that expression because if you were a postal worker in the mid to late 80’s, which he was, the post office shootings were deeply engrained in your psyche.)

I’m trying to process this information and assess the threat level, and in turn, determine proper steps to take to keep myself, my family, and my co-worker’s safe. But, to be honest, I’m not sure how to handle this. I’m still a little shocked about the whole thing. My first inclination was to laugh it off, but then I realize it was deemed credible enough for people to track me down and give me a head’s up.

Since this is the smartest group of people I know, I’d like to ask: from the outside looking in, what are your thoughts and opinions?
tl;dr: homeless broke pervy creep wants to kill me, how serious do you think this is?

2

You don’t say what the creep’s geographic proximity is. If it’s 100 miles, I’d worry more; 1,000 miles, I’d worry less.

3

Start with a big dog, German Shepard or a Dobie.

4

Good point. It’s a little over 700 miles.

5

It sounds to me like the chance of him actually doing anything is very low. He’s been saying it about his attorney for years, who would likely be easy to track down, and never acted on it. But even though I think the odds are very low, the stakes are very high, so I think anyone would be a bit worried. Do you know or can you find out what his criminal history is other than the molestation?

6

At that distance and given past history, I would expect some kind of long-distance, indirect threat like a phone call, letter, prank delivery (e.g. flowers for your funeral) long before they could steel themselves to come knocking on your door. If he found you under your new name, I think the temptation to let you know would be overwhelming.

I’d used heightened sensitivity to your neighborhood and surroundings, tell any neighbors you can trust with the gist of the problem, and keep a weather eye out… unless and until some sign comes that he has indeed located you. Then you can take direct action. If you’re lucky, he will send something criminally actionable and you can get him locked up wayyyy over there.

7

As far as I know, it is the original charge, and then he got in trouble again 15 years later for failure to register. I wouldn’t really hear of anything else, though, I don’t think. I don’t make any effort whatsoever to find out anything from that side of the family.

And I really like the way you phrased this… it truly sums up how I feel.

8

How old is he? Is he a substance abuser? Old senile drunks say all kinds of things and say them loud as a substitute for doing them.

9

An old boyfriend of my daughter’s, despite being destitute, managed to hitchhike 1800 miles to find her. He even found where she worked, and showed up there one day. Nothing happened, because he’s not a total loon, but without a car and without any mney, he found her.

I’d consider a home security/alarm system. Also, you don’t say whether you have kids, but if you do, establish some rules with them, starting with a Safe word.

See if the hospital will agree to tell you when he’s released.

Twenty-five years is a long time to hold a serious grudge.

10

Right. So they notified you because they were required to, but his mutterings don’t exactly seem “credible.” I’m not exactly keen on dismissing death threats either, but his years’ of unfulfilled threats against his attorney don’t inspire confidence in his capabilities. Seems like the ramblings of an angry man who sees you and attorney as the source of all his woes.

That is my very humble opinion. Maybe I’d feel differently if the threats were made against me.

11

I do have four dogs, and that makes me feel a lot better. They’re not all that big, nor are they all that mean, but when they all get barking, they are loud as hell!

I think he’d either take the coward’s way and shoot me from a distance, i.e. as I walk into work, or go big and come into my workplace guns blazing and hurt a lot of people. I think I worry about this because he’s obviously unhinged, and mass shootings are big news. Coupled with his postal background, I’m having a hard time getting that worry out of my head.

As I type that, I realize… wouldn’t it be difficult to hitchhike with a bunch of guns? It would, wouldn’t it?

12

He’s 54, and I don’t remember him being a substance abuser. I’m not sure about the intervening years. It doesn’t sound like things have gone well for him. It does seem to me that his parents were comfortable, but who knows if they’re still alive? My point is, if he’s broke and homeless, he may have become a substance abuser in an attempt to cope. And I could just be the boogey-man that it makes him feel better to blame.

“Twenty-five years is a long time to hold a serious grudge.”

Yes. That occurred to me. It’s actually one of the thoughts that sobered me up after just laughing and shaking my head at first.

My kids are grown and out of the house, thankfully.

13

This is very true. And what I’m leaning towards. But is that enough? What if it went further, and innocent people get hurt?

Can you imagine if your parent got killed at their workplace because someone didn’t take a threat seriously enough?

But can I seriously cause drama at work by warning them of an event that has such a small chance of happening?

I think this is it: “Seems like the ramblings of an angry man who sees you and attorney as the source of all his woes.” I mean, really… isn’t that probably what it actually is?

14

Does anyone know what it takes for a hospital to consider a threat “credible”?

15

Nah. You’re fine. Death is only a minor, temporary inconvenience. I’m sure insurance would cover it anyway.

16

Hubby did ask if I’d bump up the insurance. He’ll need plenty of money to please the next wife. :smiley:

We have a sick sense of humor around here.

17

Have you ever read the book The Gift of Fear? It might help you feel more comfortable listening to your intuition about if this is a dangerous situation or not.

As someone who has worked on psych units, I have run into these “Duty to Warn” situations before. Generally, when psychiatrists decide to go through with the Duty to Warn, it means that the person making the threat is in sound enough mind that they could potentially carry out the threat - for example, an angry depressed man who talks about murdering his wife and killing himself would definitely justify warning the wife - unlike, say, someone who is so psychotic that they might make threats without having any concept of what they’re saying or being so disorganized and non-functional that they would be unlikely to actually be able to plan an attack.

Personally, if I were in this situation, I would definitely tell everyone who would be a likely person for this guy to contact to try to track you down that you are being threatened by him so that hopefully they will have enough sense to not help him track you down.
I would also definitely warn my workplace about him. Better to be safe than sorry.

18

I don’t think the threshold for determing a threat to be “credible” is very high. I work in a profession (LCSW) that has a duty to warn expectation. I frequently run into homeless, substance addicted people who have decided that someone else is to blame for all their problems.

The criteria used in my workplace is that if a particular person is identified and a specific threat made, I have a duty to warn that person. I may not personally think the threat will actually happen, but to protect my license and my job, I’d rather be safe and warn someone than sorry I didn’t.

For example, if a patient comes in drunk, high, or off mental health medications, and says “My landlord, John Smith, screwed me out of my rent deposit and I’m gonna get my gun and blow his ass away”, I would feel a need to warn Mr. Smith that a threat was made against him by Patient X. Once the patient sobers up or gets back on his meds, he may not remember saying that, or may deny the threat, but I don’t have any duty to call Mr. Smith and say “nevermind, he’s sober now”.

19

Why does a Lawn Care Service Woman have a duty to warn?

Or maybe it is Legally Certified Spooky Witch…

Or Landing Craft Shore Watcher…

Or…

20

Talk to security where you work. Have them speak to whomever answers the phone. Consider getting them a photo of him. I’m relieved to know you have four dogs. Put up security lights around your house, big flood lights that are motion triggered ought to do it. Go tell the local constable if he doesn’t know already, what’s going on.

Were it me, I would definitely get in touch with the daughter who was interfered with 25yrs ago. She should consider a dog, some floodlights, talking to security where she works, and a talk with her local police.

Do what you can to cover the bases, and then relax and get back to life as normal would be my best advice.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds very distressing and annoying! I wish you nothing but Good Luck!