That’s the kicker. He does have kids. And the family highly suspects him of molesting his own daughter!! But I’M the bad guy because I took him to court over it! I stopped him from hurting my child, and attempted to protect any other child he might have contact with.
Not one month ago, my sister blurted out that my aunt knew it was true. She knew that he was molesting his daughter and admitted that he probably molested mine. But instead of supporting me in the truth, they all gathered around the molester. To this day, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the craziness that is my family.
I do take comfort in the distance that is between pervy creep and me.
Dallas, I understand your point, I really do. And we are considering getting firearms and training. But to be honest, in the area where I live? I have the feeling the cop would have given the same advice if I called to complain about a jaywalker. Seriously, to me, his ideology came above my concerns very quickly. So I take his advice with a grain of salt.
On the other hand, I would never admit to any neighbor that we don’t have a gun. Living out here, we probably should. At least a shotgun. A friend pointed out that we don’t need as good of an aim with one of those.
TruCelt, you have wrapped up my concerns so succinctly. Yes, when one is desperate, and has nothing left to lose, what will they do? As other posters have said, (in a nutshell) if I’m the one he’s been blaming everything on and he’s held this grudge for 25 years, how far will he go?
I’m not exactly sure what “Op-sec” means, but you nailed it there, too. We’re not as careful as we could be. Oddly enough, hubby started locking the doors at night within the last week. Just a coincidence, but it does seem like strange timing.
And I’ve saved this point for last because it really hit home for me. I don’t have to go into every detail at work, do I? I can give a more generalized background and still be able to warn people without freaking them out. We don’t have “security” as an entity. A couple of cameras is about the extent of it.
(I do sit with my back to the door, and since there will soon be an available desk that faces the door, I may request a move. But, I was going to do that anyway. I hate sitting with my back to the door in general.)
I do feel an obligation to say something at work. Not sure why, it’s just a gut thing. Maybe all these mass shootings in the news? Maybe guilt over putting my work address out there? Maybe because so many of my co-worker’s are young with young children? Maybe an over-active imagination? But something tells me I should at least put it before my manager and branch manager. It’s difficult to walk the balance between my gut feeling and my HUGE distaste for drama. But, yeah, I can just keep it short and to the point.
Lizzy Borden was acquitted. Frequently, those closest to the criminal will turn a blind eye because, for some strange reason, admitting the truth is too painful.
Then there is the fact that deep down, many of them feel complaisant in his crime, so, if they say he didn’t, then they are not accomplishes.
While I understand what you’re saying, I don’t understand it. But I don’t spend much time anymore trying to understand why they do what they do. I’ve gotten myself away from them, have closed lines of communication, and have gone on with my life. I really wish they would all - every one of 'em - just leave me the hell alone. They want to hate me? Fine. They want to blame me for all of their troubles? Fine. I quit fighting it years ago.
As I prove every time I go bird hunting, this simply isn’t true.
As for the restraining order, I would want to know if you can get one without the person you want to restrain knowing about it. It seems to me that he would have to be given a copy of it in order to be effective, and that would draw attention to yourself. But I really don’t know about this.
When you speak to people about this, simply point out that you don’t want a big deal made, you would prefer it be kept quiet, as it may be nothing, in the end. People adore being taken into confidence. Appeal to them for great discretion, flatter them that you trust them. Tell you’ll feel better just knowing their eyes and ears are being employed.
You can do this, just be honest, sincere and choose carefully whom you take into your confidence.
I’m inclined to agree with you about the restraining order, and no, I absolutely don’t want to draw attention to myself.
As far as the shotgun goes, I think my friend was talking about someone getting in the house, so a closer shot. It made sense to me at the time, but I seriously don’t know much about guns. I am wondering if I could fire a shotgun without knocking myself over. I’m not a very big person… is there a trick to it?
As of today, I’m leaning toward an abbreviated background and talking to my two onsite bosses. I’d really like pervy creep’s picture sent around, I think it’s easier to spot the bad guy when you know what he looks like.
And yesterday, you posted this: “I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sounds very distressing and annoying! I wish you nothing but Good Luck!”
I meant to thank you, but neglected to. So… thank you!
If you decide to go this route, then get some firearms training. Every gun enthusiast here will have an opinion, but only you can determine what is best for you. Both shotguns and handguns have advantages and disadvantages, but that discussion will hijack the thread and won’t really help you anyway. Get advice and training from a local expert.
You may not be eligible for a restraining order. It depends on the state. In my state restraning orders are only for domestic violence. Meaning spouse, dating partner or co-habitant.
There is another law here that can grant a restraining order to victims of sexual assault. It may cover close family too. I’ve never seen one in effect and it is not under the DV system so they are hard to verify and enforce.
Any other types of judicial no contact orders are much more difficult to obtain. It really does vary greatly from state to state.
As for a gun, don’t get one unless you are comfortable owning and using one. Maybe check out some local ranges and see if you can rent time and weapons.
It’s called denial. You see, it wasn’t real as long a they refused to acknowledge it. By talking about it and confronting it, you brought it into reality.
This is a topic no one wants to face or think about. It gives them sleepless nights, and makes them question everyone they meet for months afterward. And you are now the hellish nightmare who forced them to think about it. I even had police, CPS, and Officers of the court respond to me in this sick backwards manner. They immediately begin to defend him as “innocent until proven guilty” but there’s no denying that I was the one who caused their sleepless nights. They hate me and are charmed by him.
Oh, and “Operational Security”. It’s things like overall awareness of your surroundings. Not “checking-in” to locations on Facebook or other public forums.
Don’t reflexively press the unlock button on your car key when you’re still several steps away. That tells people which way you are headed and gives them the chance to cut you off. Press it the moment before you open the door, and walk straight ahead until the moment you turn toward the car.
Correcting something from my earlier post: Keep the house doors locked all day, not just at night. Unlock them only when walking through.
Pretend you are walking around with $20,000 cash in a stack in your left hand, and everybody knows it. What things would you do differently? You still need to live your life, and being afraid all the time is counter-productive. But you can make is really inconvenient for him with a few simple habits.
Last point: If he does show up, son’t try to be nice or polite. Don’t try to tlak him down. Go instantly ballistic. Scream at the top of your lungs. If he gets close enough to touch you run if you can, fight like a crazed wildcat if you can’t. SCREAM!!! This takes some mental re-routing so make yourself plan it out in your head. These guys depend upon our civilized upbringing to stop us from responding immediately.
I would suggest that you think very carefully before you do this. You could get fired.
Once you tell your boss, he may want to cover his own ass. If something violent happens, he could get blamed too, for not taking precautions, etc
What good would it do to notify your employer? You might feel better in your gut that your “sense of obligation” is assuaged…but at the cost of spreading the worry to more people. , till somebody in your company decides to panic, and the whole organization becomes tense.
What practical action can your boss take to protect the workplace?
Probably nothing. He isn’t going to hire an entire a dozen armed security guards , lockdown the building every day, require electronic name tags to open doors, etc
So the only specific action he can take is “request” that you stop working there…That would show that he took responsible steps to provide safety for the plant and all the other workers. Good for his career…but not yours.
Not sure how valuable you are to your workplace, but management styles vary and if they perceive you as being a magnet for a psycho potentially attacking you at work don’t assume their first instinct will be to rally around you vs planning to get rid of the thing attracting the psycho… ie you.
Agree with chappachula and astro. I was semi involved in a similar case over ten years ago - which involved another case almost ten years prior to that. In the first case - a woman lost her job based on the crazy rankings of her stalker. She was pretty young and it wasn’t a career or anything, but still.
If it is any consolation - the guy in my case did snap and kill three people, but when he did snap - the people he killed were those currently causing him issues - not the perceived wrongs of 2 decades ago (of course he wasn’t threatening them either). He was ALWAYS know as being violent though - not some pedophile (which I don’t think is generally associated with violence, but don’t know).
Anyway - if the guy is homeless - I really don’t think he is going to go after you. I know some shall we say semi unsavory individuals that hold mild grudges against people that are 20 miles away. They don’t act upon it - cause they can’t.
He probably knows deep down he is in the wrong here - he might like to blame you for his problems, but I seriously doubt he would take any action on it. Sure he still hates you - cause that’s what he remembers, but I doubt it is at the same level it was then. This is more on the level of always hating a cheating ex wife of yours. Yeah - you might be tempted to key her car/slash her tires if you saw her six weeks later. 25 years later, you might still “hate” her, but you aren’t going to do anything.
I’ve had a hectic (in a good way) and haven’t been able to post. I just wanted to touch base before hitting the hay.
I think you guys are right about not saying anything at work, and I’ve decided not to. I really think the chances are remote that he will do anything and I’m afraid it will stir up too much trouble.
I also think if he actually did go after anyone, the attorney is the easiest to find, and probably where pervy creep would go first. I read the newspaper from that town, and if the attorney winds up dead, well, I’ll come up with a plan “B” at that point.
I don’t post much here during the week, my days are pretty long. Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you all. Thank you very much.
