I have a tendancy to get the serious giggles in bed, though, and I can’t imagine anything more likely to make me start laughing so hard I forget what I’m doing tha a garbage bag stuck to my ass. Sometimes laughter is sexy, but sometimes it makes you fall off the bed and then you get caught in a laughter loop and it just isn’t pretty, folks (especially if you were also bleeding on the carpet, one supposes.)
Goodness, maybe I will try that two-guys thing. Didn’t know I was sitting on a golden opportunity that other people would be jealous of.
Well, this isn’t about me, because you guys have already topped anything that would be TMI about myself. This is about my neighbor in the apartment right next door. She is a walking/talking triple oxymoron.
She is a personal trainer.
She is obese.
And she is bulemic.
Yup, we can hear the pre-retching, the retching, the splash, and, of course, the flush, right through our walls. We try to turn up the TV.
Either our 5-year-old daughter hasn’t heard it yet, or doesn’t know what to make of it enough to ask us.
I missed that the first time, due to involuntary squinting brought on by the passage that immediately preceded it.
It reminds me, though… I had a Q-tip stuck up my anus as part of a study conducted by the girl that lived next door to me, when I was eight. I went back to her place years later for her 16th birthday, hoping to get a little action.
[QUOTE=Agent Foxtrot]
I look at the TP after wiping. I have no idea why.
One day when I did my TP check it was bright red. Went to my GP who checked it with an anal flashlight and made an appt. for me at the g.e.'s office for the next a.m. That night I had to completely purge my bowel by drinking a gallon of “Go Lightly” laxative. The next a.m. I went to g.e. (that’s gastroenterologist, not General Electric, BTW), got pre-op briefing and then debriefing. Then I got the open rear apron and an i.v. in my wrist and after a short wait was wheeled into the procedure room.
Then I was shown the equipment and told to lie on my left side and watch the tv monitor on the wall. Then a different fluid-muscle relaxant- was introduced into the i.v. and I relaxed, I mean relaxed, into unconsciousness. Then a 6-foot hose was inserted in the apron gap and further, up the vertical section of the large colon, then it turned 90 degrees and went across the abdomen, and then turned down as far as the appendix. On the way out a loop snipper on the end of it clipped off 3 colon polyps. I awaoe as it was being withdrawn the last foot or so and watched it on the tv. You may have seen Katie Couric’s bowel on tv. Her husband died of colon cancer, as did my boss’s mother.
TMI, yet?
They gave me a color photo of the polyps taken before the clippings. Amazing. Then after an hour or so in the post-op lounge I dressed and was discharged outpatiently. I’ve had one more polypectomy (benign) since then after a 1-year inspection and a 3-year hiatus.
Had the first ones not been clipped, they would have turned cancerous.
Always check your TP. And when you hit age 45 of so, get checked internally.
Re: polyps… holy shit, no pun intended. I’ve had this on-and-off for the last few months, where every once in a while when I wipe it’ll be bright blood red. Should I call the doctor? I figured that at 21 I’m a little young for colon cancer, but my grandmother’s had it twice…
SanibelMan, don’t you get checkups? Tell the doctor on your checkup. I had the same thing and my doctor looked at my bum, gave me a lecture about not sitting there too long and pushing, and eating apples. Your doctor will probably say the same to you but yeah, you are always supposed to go if there is blood. Lots of things can go wrong so you have to check it. Don’t freak out though.
Blalron, that’s the opposite of TMI, really. That’s the absence of anything gross. Also, you shouldn’t think that’s weird or bad, it’s not.
Okay I have another TMI. I used to be addicted to enemas. And when I would do it, I would always fantasize about this man at work who’s British, because I would imagine him giving me an enema and chattering at me with his accent. I had fantasies so stupid that I can’t even believe I didn’t laugh. For some reason, I guess getting an enema from an older British guy rings my bell. I would hold it as long as I could, and if it’s not clear, this was a sex thing. At some point I got really paranoid that I was going to explode my colon and I stopped doing it. I was drinking a lot at that time and I swear my IQ was about 24 and a half. Looking back on it I don’t know what on earth I was thinking.
I seem to constantly quote myself on this board. It’s pretty lame, I should stop. But I had to add that I think all of htis came from some British science show I saw as a kid. I used a rectal syringe, and I would try to load myself up with as many syringefuls as I could, so what would be going through my head would be this guys voice making sort of a commentary, “let’s see if we can’t fit another in here shall we!?” I’m really really really an idiot. I don’t understand what was sexy about that but I do remember that it was intensely hot.
A friend of mine work on a drilling site where they guys got *real * board. One fellow had hemmoroids and would push them back in. Then he would go up to guys with his finger and ask them to sniff saying: “is this gas or diesel?”
Another friend has a toddler who had a bad diaper rash so they let her run around naked in the backyard for a while. The little girl started to crap and the dog followed her and started eating it, then tried to go after her and lick her butt.
