Something about you that's TMI

[Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus]

@VunderBob

When I was a bachelor (and not a fireman) I liked sleeping buck nekkid.

Fireman? I thought you were an electrical engineer. Though I might have you confused with someone else.

[dactylic_hexameter]

I still like sleeping buck nekkid. The only trouble is my bed is right next to the window…
It just occurred to me, since I’m female, is “doe nekkid” more appropriate?

[SuntanTigerTamer]

This has been the most interesting and laugh out loud funny thread Ive read in a long damn time.

I have nothing much to contribute. The closest I’ve ever came to anything like what seems par for this thread happened about two months ago when my girlfriend asked me to pee on her.

I declined, and told her she wasn’t pretty enough

[Susie_Derkins]

@History_Geek

Awhile back I developed a lump in the middle of my back. On the continued prodding of my wife I had a doctor look at it. The doc said not to worry, it wasn’t a cancerous tumor - in fact it was just a knot of fat or something.

Several months after that I got a massive zit right beside the lump. This thing was my own personal Mons Olympus. About a week into this thing’s existence it became rather painful when any kind of pressure was applied to it, even a shirt rubbing over it was uncomfortable. In an effort to relieve it I contorted my arm up behind my back and explosively decompressed the monster zit.

A great gob of fat, pus, and blood erupted from the resulting fissure and fell four feet to the bathroom floor. It hit with a heavy splat. Bloody goo leaked from it for a good twenty or thirty minutes before it slowed to a minor oozing, then finally scabbed over. I said to my wife, “Remember that lump on my back? Well, I just left it in the bathroom.”

applause

[KneadToKnow]

@History_Geek

Awhile back I developed a lump in the middle of my back. On the continued prodding of my wife I had a doctor look at it. The doc said not to worry, it wasn’t a cancerous tumor - in fact it was just a knot of fat or something.

Several months after that I got a massive zit right beside the lump. This thing was my own personal Mons Olympus. About a week into this thing’s existence it became rather painful when any kind of pressure was applied to it, even a shirt rubbing over it was uncomfortable. In an effort to relieve it I contorted my arm up behind my back and explosively decompressed the monster zit.

A great gob of fat, pus, and blood erupted from the resulting fissure and fell four feet to the bathroom floor. It hit with a heavy splat. Bloody goo leaked from it for a good twenty or thirty minutes before it slowed to a minor oozing, then finally scabbed over. I said to my wife, “Remember that lump on my back? Well, I just left it in the bathroom.”

I dub thee Quasi-no-mo’.

[Chef_Troy]

Yesterday I was wearing pleated trousers and, beneath the aforementioned trousers, an older pair of underpants that are too big for me. I was meeting some former co-workers for lunch, including my (female) ex-boss, whom I adore (platonically, as long as both our spouses are alive).

I got to the restaurant first. I looked up and saw her come in; I got up and walked to join her so we could get in line to order. While I was walking toward her, I suddenly felt my underwear start sliding down inside my trousers (which stayed where they belonged). I didn’t want to call attention to the situation by suddenly walking funny or reaching into my pants to yank my shorts back up in the middle of a crowded restaurant, so I did the only thing I could think of to do.

I pretended everything was fine and kept walking toward her. By the time we hugged, my underwear was completely off my ass.

It was awkwardly uncomfortable and yet sort of a perverse turn-on at the same time to have a stealth wardrobe malfunction while hugging someone else’s wife in public.

[Bumbershoot]

@SuntanTigerTamer

This has been the most interesting and laugh out loud funny thread Ive read in a long damn time.

I have nothing much to contribute. The closest I’ve ever came to anything like what seems par for this thread happened about two months ago when my girlfriend asked me to pee on her.

I declined, and told her she wasn’t pretty enough

I thought the remark in the spoiler box was laugh out loud funny!

[SuntanTigerTamer]

Ha!

Luckily, so did she.

I remember reading a magazine a few years ago where they were interviewing rappers for their Valentines day issue. One rapper, Havoc from Mobb Deep, when asked what was the weirdest thing anyone ever asked him to do, said that groupies always wanted him to pee on them. He said he always refused, because he was married and that was something he only did with his wife.

I will remember that til the day that I die.

[Santo_Rugger]

I still have placenta clots on my penis from last night. I washed off in her sink, but I don’t think I did a very good job.

[Bumbershoot]

@SuntanTigerTamer

I remember reading a magazine a few years ago where they were interviewing rappers for their Valentines day issue. One rapper, Havoc from Mobb Deep, when asked what was the weirdest thing anyone ever asked him to do, said that groupies always wanted him to pee on them. He said he always refused, because he was married and that was something he only did with his wife.

That is so sweet! Who says romance is dead?

[nashiitashii]

@Santo_Rugger

I still have placenta clots on my penis from last night. I washed off in her sink, but I don’t think I did a very good job.

Placenta clots? Are you sure they’re not just uterine lining?

[gravitycrash]

@Tristan

I pleasure myself a lot. A whole lot.

The weird thing is, it’s like a sine-wave… For a few weeks I’ll be doing it 2-3 times a day (like now), then it eases off until I’m down to once every 2-3 days, then it moves up again. Very odd.

Also, at times like this, just discussing even vaugely sexual things can make it Bonertime in Tristanville. Can be awkward, when my boss is telling me his younger days exploits.

I thought I was the only one! Thank you. Definite horny days and then meh.

[Santo_Rugger]

@nashiitashii

Placenta clots? Are you sure they’re not just uterine lining?

You’re right, I was educated last night when I brought it up. I think the original sounds dirtier, though, so I may stick with it.

[Ellen_Cherry]

@Santo_Rugger

You’re right, I was educated last night when I brought it up. I think the original sounds dirtier, though, so I may stick with it.

Do you know what a placenta is? :eek:

[Santo_Rugger]

@Ellen_Cherry

Do you know what a placenta is? :eek:

I thought it was the afterbirth. I originally thought it was always there, but last night I was told it develops in the uterus during pregnancy.

[Illuminatiprimus]

@Ellen_Cherry

Do you know what a placenta is? :eek:

I was going to ask this. I mean I’m not against cradle snatching necessarily but I think you should at least wait until the person in question has been given birth to before tapping them.

[Procrustus]

sounds like he tapped her after birth and before the afterbirth

[Speaker_for_the_Dead]

My tonsils are currently covered in pus.

[Justin_Credible]

I’m just now catching up with this thread. Wow.

And here I was embarassed to admit that I bite my toenails…

[Jake]

@Lumpy

I’m actually going to spoilerbox this one, regarding my toilet habits:When I have a particularly sticky clayey bowel movement that leaves my sphincter filled with a plug of feces and which no amount of wiping will remove, I resort to plumbing myself out with a finger until I"m clean.

Lumpy, I DO hope you wash your hands afterwards! (I clean out my sticky ones with toilet paper and a dedicated damp washcloth afterwards. Then stick my hands in boiling water for 2 mins. for complete sterilization) :eek: