GAUHATI, India (AP) – Monkeys lurking at an ancient Hindu temple in India’s northeast have attacked up to 300 children over three weeks, temple officials said Tuesday. “They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood,” Bani Kumar Sharma, a priest at the Kamakhya temple in Assam state, told The Associated Press. The temple, one of the most famous in India, is located in Gauhati, Assam’s capital. “I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground,” said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl.
None can withstand their Vampire Monkey Style Kung Fu!
Bet she wasn’t so Jolly when she got up.
Good golly, Ms. Jolly, is that a monkey bite on your neck? :eek:
Strangely enough, this cheered me up, too. Let’s hear it for strange and inappropriate humor!!
That’ll teach the little bastards to loiter.
I was in Nepal a few years ago for work, and I visited the Pashupatinath temples outside of Kathmandu. Pashupatinath is located on a tributary of the Ganges, and Hindus bring the bodies of their dead to the river for open air cremation on the riverbank.
The whole place was just a little too Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom for me. Burning bodies, incense, lots of ‘Om Namah Shivaya’-ing. And to top it all off, there were hundreds (thousands?) of super pushy monkeys that lived in the surrounding jungle. These monkeys were everywhere. I’m a little creeped out by monkeys to begin with, but I could definitely imagine these monkeys becoming bloodsuckers.
I can see it now!:
Song: Bloodsuckers
By: The Super Pushy Monkeys
great potential band name. 
SOunds like somebody’s headin’ for monkey jail.
In other breaking animal kingdom news, man tries to convert lions to Jesus, and, WAIT FOR IT… gets bitten.
BTW, I think “convert lions to Christianity” would be more ambiguous. Because I get this image of the guy waving around his hands, and suddenly, POOF! the lions are gone and there’s the big J himself standing in their place.
Geez, you can hardly blame him for this!
er, “less ambiguous.”
I miss the old days when the monkeys were content to simply fly out our butts.
I have a mental picture of a Roman soldier lecturing a class full of lions on the evils of vegatarianism, and pleading to them to try some Christians, just to see if they like them.
The monkeys can be pretty viscious. They are known to rob houses and snatch working peoples’ lunch right out of their hands. When I was in Mumbai, I was right in front of a guy that dropped a bottle of Sprite. He was reaching down to pick it up when a monkey swooped down and grabbed it. The monkey then sat on a high ledge, unscrewed the top, and started chugging it down.
On a more serious note, rabies is pretty common in India and there will be more and more trouble with monkeys as long as they are being displaced by urban growth.
And then Jesus leaps on Roy and goes for his jugular. Says Roy, “Christ was just being playful. He forgot his own messianic strength.”
Especially when you set the blender to “puree.”
And it was this line:
[snort]
Ahhh! How cute, somebody was playing Daniel.
Damn atheist carnivores!