There are three areas in my life that really suck. And I’m trying to be happy, but it’s difficult.
First–My parents–they live 2000 miles away. My mom sinks deeper and deeper into dementia. She still lives with my dad, who’s supposed to be watching her. But he’s just never been into caretaking. Yesterday, she went outside to pull weeds…It’s winter in Ohio. My dad found her sitting on the ground. My mom hasnt’ had a garden in years. My brother, who lost his wife in October, has to deal with my dad’s cantankerousness and his resistance to putting my mom into a care taking facility.
Second–My job—All the reasons I went into teaching are gone. I want to be the kind of teacher who does science experiments and cool projects. I think if kids do fun, educational thing, they’ll love learning and be excited to come to school. All we do is “literacy” and test prep.
Third–My marriage—And…I know what I’ve done wrong and what I must do and I feel foolish enough for the way things have played out. Six years ago, my daughter and I left my husband and moved into our own place. My husband was emotionally and verbally abusive and he drank a lot. He wanted me back in a big way and called constantly. I decided to give him another chance. We don’t live together but he’s over just about everyday. He doesn’t spend the night, though.
He’s on disability for his bad back and we never do anything. He just wants to watch my cable TV all day. My daughter Sandy and I have gone on a lot of vacations, been all over the west; my husband has never once gone with us.
When I was in Jr. High, Mrs. Leeds, the science teacher, held a “club” after hours. That was where we got to do the cool experiment/project stuff. Is something like that feasible for you?
damn, I hate when I press post too soon. :rolleyes:
Anyway, I recently lost 45 pounds…through eating very carefully, doing a lot of yoga. Everybody I know tells me how nice I look…and guys look at me again. Not my husband. He tells me I shouldn’t wear hip-hugger pants…only people with a “perfect” body can wear those. (I now wear a size 8, by the way.) I feel like he’s trying to convince me I can’t find anybody better, so he can keep his nice little gig.
My response to all this stress is to go to yoga 5 days a week. Yoga, my daughter, and my friends at work are the only things in my life that don’t suck. I alternate between being incredibly sad, and angry.
You and your brother should get together and convince your dad that your mom really needs to be in a place where she can get the proper care before she does something to hurt herself. IANAL, so I don’t know if the two of you can override your father’s wishes. I’d look into it.
Are you in a public or private school? Have you tried looking for another job?
Ditch the ex. He’s a leech. He has problems and until he gets help for them, they’ll become your problems, again.
Good luck and keep us updated. You sound like you’re pretty intelligent. Use that.
I was going to write out a lengthy post examining all your choices, etc, but I see that a ditto to Mr. Blue Sky will cover it. Seriously, who’s running your life, if not you?
I was debating whether to weigh in or go back to learning about DNS and Bind, but Mr. Blue Sky undercut me in both content and succinctness. It sounds like you have some very good things in your life; focus on then and eliminate the other problems one at a time. (It’s your preference on the order, but I’d opin that the husband needs to be the first thing to go.)
I’m also curious about your opinion on what has and should happened to education, but that’s a topic for another thread.
He’s back and not only is he taking advantage of you, he’s trying to make you feel bad about yourself. THAT should should be enough to make you mean enough to do what you need to do.
The next time he wants to come over, tell him no. No matter how hard it is, do it. The time after that, it’ll be easier to say. Keep saying it until he gets the point. If doesn’t seem to be getting the point, get all legal on his ass.
I have to agree with those who are urging you to get rid of your husband. You and your daughter deserve better than to hear someone belittling you all the time. Tell him to get his own cable! You may not be looking for anyone else right now, but it’s not going to happen with him slopping around on your sofa all the time.
Good luck. It’s not easy to take back your life, but you can do it.
Kudos to you for teaching–it is a very necessary task. I can sense your frustration re testing and all, but let’s do one thing at a time.
You need to set some very firm limits with your husband. He won’t like it one bit, but for your own sanity and self-esteem, he has got to go.
Your mom is a tricky situation. Is there anyway you can speak with her doctor and maybe do some kind of intervention with doctor, sibs, you and Dad & Mom?
