I will never understand why anyone would want to drink something called: Muscle Milk.
I bet you can get it by the gallon at BJs.
I juggle. The innuendo is endless. Mind if I play with your balls for a bit?
I’ve gone to bird shows (like a dog show, but with birds). Several times I’ve heard bird people praising a male bird along the lines of, “Wow, did you see Jim Jone’s beautiful cock?”.
There’s a famous (if not apocryphal) story of a game that was commented on by John Madden where he was explaining a good run by repeatedly saying that the runner kept “pounding it in the a-hole”
A man at the cash register once asked me “Is it okay if I reach over and grab a couple of these double A’s?” He was talking batteries, but I went purple chocking back my answer.
In high school literature class, we were studying ancient Greek poets. We got to Sappho. The teacher had to tread lightly. The poem was pretty obviously about sex, and she had to explain it to a classroom full of rutting teenagers, but she had to avoid saying anything that might offend a puritanical parent. With a lot of circumlocution and euphemism, she managed it.
She sighed with relief, and said, “Well, now that we’re over that hump, let’s go on to the next chapter . . .”
9th grade Latin class.
Teacher describes the Vestal Virgins – something about how a (chosen?) man would occasionally enter their sanctuary, and violate the rules.
Student:“But what happened to the man afterwards? Was he punished?”
Teacher: “Well, I suppose he got off.”
Student: (as other students suppress guffaws) “Umm, could you rephrase that?”
I don’t think the teacher ever “got” it.
Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills. Saw one of their stores while in Ketchikan a few years ago.
On the retail front.
In the local liquor store buying my daily dose of Everclear…
Some lady comes in and asks loudly of the clerk:
Do you have Steel Balls?
Ma’m…uh what?
Steel Balls!
Ma’m…I don’t think we have those or sell those…
[Me]…uhh…lady…I have two big steel ones but they are not for sale…
You only get up a set up scenario like that a couple times in your life. And I struck while the iron was hot…
The clerk kept his cool. I laughed my ass off internally. Not sure what the lady thought.
For those wondering WTF?..apparently steel balls are basically giant metal ball bearings you put in the freezer…then you put them in your drink to cool it down fast without watering it down…
Which has cunning flight attendants, Mrs. B. tells me.
At least it wasn’t invented by Don Gall, as once claimed.
And if you had a combined show, you might hear someone yell “Oh my god, John’s bitch is eating Fred’s cock!”
Had a cranky little toad of a substitute one fine junior high class. He was berating us into filling out a test properly: “Last name first. LAST NAME FIRST! How hard is it? If your name is Joe Blow, write it down ‘Blow, Joe!’”
Slartibartfast, the planetary designer in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” Author Douglas Adams said that he wanted the character’s name to sound very rude, but still be broadcastable (the story was originally done as a BBC radio show). Apparently, he started with the name as “Phartiphukborlz,” and kept tweaking it until the BBC allowed it.
I had a boss named Peter.
Peter had a habit of making himself completely out of touch when he took vacations. In fact, he wouldn’t even tell us where he was going.
Once, in an emergency, I managed to track him down and get an urgent message to him. And for that, I became known as “the company’s official Peter-finder.”
“If you call that interfering, there’s something wrong with your Funk & Wagnall’s”
Chicago has had two mayors named Richard Daley. Or, if you were on casual terms with them, Dick Daley.
Chicago also had a politician named Richard Phelan. Or, Dick Phelan, which sounds like a call for Viagra.
Dirty words… They’re dirty if you say them right. I’m getting URGES in my AREAS.
This clarifies, thank you. From the first time I read that passage (Slarty saying his name, Arthur reacting wildly) I have wondered if there was some British spin I was missing. Brits have told me no, it’s just a silly name, but you know Brits.
So a sounds-dirty name with a character reaction as if it is… makes sense.
What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and sticky?
Gum. What were you thinking?
Or the baseball announcer who described a pitcher’s fastball as: “He came inside with a high hard one!”