Hey, Dad? If I saved up my allowance could I buy a monkey?
Of course not!
Okay. Then I won’t save up.
You can’t be too careful when you’re dealing with an allowance.
I texted you, “What’s my budget for the Snow Ball.” You replied $8,000, followed by a gratuitous gif of a guy getting hit in the nards.
But the ball — his groin — it works on so many levels! Hahaha!
Now who’s laughing?
This is Buddy Sorrell, the Human Joke Machine!
- Hey, Buddy!
- Oh, they don’t like to be called that.
- No, it’s okay. That’s his name.
- Nobody knows anyone’s middle name. Quick. What’s my middle name
- Scott
- Of course you know mine. We’re a couple.
MICHAEL: Dwight, what’s your middle name?
JIM: Kurt. I can’t believe I know that.
Hello, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of kicker.
- Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition I thought was going to be for a cat food commercial. Turned out to be for porn.
- Did you get the part?
Your all-star son showed up at my audition. Now, I give every student an even chance, which is a long and honorable tradition in the theater, something that you wouldn’t understand, but if he is planning some sort of a practical joke in my chapel of the arts…
- Y’know, if you play the part of a girl, people might make fun of you.
- Mr. Lundy’s trying to push the boundaries of drama in East Texas. One way to do that is cross-gender casting
Yiddish was not spoken in East Texas. And if it was, it wasn’t spoken for long.
As she said, in Yiddish, “You’re telling me!”
I wonder if jewelry comes from Jewish IIpeople. In Little Falls, the jewelry was Jewish. Jeweler, Jewish… I wonder if there’s a connection?
- Shekiot HaChamah.
- What?
- Sundown. I can’t be here alone with you after sundown.
Repairman: I can only answer that insult with an old Jewish expression – Tzun a leben in a hoyz mit a toyznt tsimers aye zolt hobn a boykhveytik un yeder tsimer!
[in Yiddish – may you live in a house with a thousand rooms, and get a stomachache in each room!]
Archie: What the hell does that mean?
Repairman: You’ll never know, but believe me, I got even.
-“BB”-
You know who you are? Even Steven.
Samantha Stevens, what on Earth are you doing in Paris?