Fear is the glue. Take it away, the whole thing falls apart
Mmmkay. Adrian Monk, care and feeding. Special diet, schedule, phobias. Heights, germs, snakes, crowds, milk… You’re afraid of milk? How old are you, man? I got a 2 year old nephew who’s not afraid of milk.
You just said ‘Hi! Hi! Hi!’ Hee hee hee You sounded like my niece, and she’s six months old!
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk
When enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers—only better and better lies.
Right. I got a letter today that said, uh… 'You’re a lying liar. You lie almost as well as Bartlet."
In the good times, and there were alot of good times, you use to forgive me my fibs… I mean, my little fibs.
My mom says that when we deceive for personal gain we make Jesus cry.
I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
Deacon, I think you need to open your Bible and reread the part about the Ten Commandments. Especially the one about bearing false witness.
Oh, now you love the ten commandments, yet you’re the one who so conveniently forgot “Thou shalt protect thy father, and honor no one above him, unless it be-eth me, thy sweet Lord.”
Oh just about everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? Literally everything is a sin
It was a sin for you to wanna feel up Ellen, it was a sin for you to plan to feel up Ellen, it was a sin for you to figure out a place to feel up Ellen, it was a sin to take Ellen to the place to feel her up, it was a sin to try to feel her up, and it was a sin to feel her up! There were SIX SINS in one feel, man!
I know this was one of George Carlin’s live stand-up routines and was on at least one of his albums, but I’m also positive I heard this on a TV special at sometime in the distant past during my young adulthood…
However, if it is the group’s consensus that this doesn’t count, then so be it.
-“BB”-
Now, old woman, you are accused of heresy on three counts: heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action— four counts. Do you confess?
I confess! (BE SEATED) Oof!
…
I confess! (BE SEATED) Oof!
…
Your Honor, Mr. Mason is coaching the witness.
Objection. Counsel is mocking the witness.
I have an erection. That’s a good sign. I’m ready to go to trial. Lock and load.
No, he still did, actually. To this day, he still calls that the week of boners that ruined his life.
Gilligan, that’s the fifth shovel you’ve broken this week!