Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.
Please don’t come to my funeral. Have a good night.
"t’s called an Irish wake. It’s a way to memorialize death, but celebrate life at the same time.
The deceased will deliver the eulogy. Mourners will then have twenty minutes for rebuttal.
I don’t want anybody to make any fuss. When I go, I just want to be stood outside in the garbage with my hat on.
“Would you take the garbage out?”
“Of course. Where is it?”
“In your shoes.”
Bart, open your heart. I admit I have some mighty big shoes to fill…
(Big shoes to fill… Big shoes to fill… Big shoes to fill… Big shoes to fill…)
I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes!
The baby doesn’t have shoes on.
Oh he’s not my little brother. If he was *my* little brother I would hit him until he took the right shoes.
Wally, if your dumb brother tags along, I’m gonna–Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Cleaver. I was just telling Wallace how pleasant it would be for Theodore to accompany us to the movies.
You’re gonna get your ass kicked in high school.
High school is for learning, but it’s also where you should be learning to socialize. That’s what high school dances are all about.
I ain’t going to no school dance. You know when they should have school dances? On Sunday morning. You know why? Because you’re already depressed.
Hey Barney? Guess who’s got a date to the prom!
Shut up, Ma! You’re making the night too damn special!
Last night you reacted to the situation. If you stopped to think for one second, then you’re dead or I’m dead.
You’ve always loved me, more than I could understand. You need to pray for me, Lily. Can you ask God? Can you ask God to help me? I can not watch Carly die the way I watched you.
Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and ‘Sweatin’ to the Oldies,’ volumes one, two and four.
It’s Hungarian duck food! It’s got shredded prunes, jellied liver and it’s topped with a fish sauce.