“What we’ve got here… is a failure to communicate.”
Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.
I don’t want to put you in a cage. I want to love you.
“Two go in, one comes out”
A game-legged old man and a drunk. That’s all you got?
I’ve got all five senses and I slept last night, that puts me six up on the lot of you
I guess that’s the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin’ itself.
You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!
You’re a funny guy, Sully. I LIKE you. That’s why I’m going to kill you last.
The only question is, how do you want to die? We need to hear the truth. If you persist in lying to us, we’ll torture you. You’ll die only after many hours of agony and horror. You give us honesty now, and you’ll go swiftly, painlessly.
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I’ve watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
They think…they think You’ve been faking it.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn’t exist.
“When I was a child, my mother would tell me a story about how the Devil roams the Earth. Sometimes, she said, he would take human form so he could punish the damned on Earth before claiming their souls. The ones he chose would be gathered together and tortured as he hid amongst them, pretending to be one of them”
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries!
Your mother was a snowblower!
You’re mom goes to college.
Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
“And that’s the only thing I need is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray… And this paddle game. - The ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need… And this remote control. - The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need… And these matches. - The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball… And this lamp. - The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one… I need this. - The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I’m some kind of a jerk or something! - And this. That’s all I need.”
Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
(I’m not happy about having to decide to skip Foie’s quote from The Jerk, but it’s from the top of the page, so…)