There was only one tiresome detail: Jones. He just wouldn’t let go of that corner office.
Well, Jones, at least you haven’t forgotten how to show a lady a good time.
Thank you, Gordon. Well, I cannot tell you all how deeply moved I am. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be the object of so much genuine affection.
Flash, I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!
You came to save the Earth…from us.
I’m here to fight for truth, and justice, and the American way.
I’m Super, thanks for asking.
So if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You’re a tough kid. And I’d ask you about war, you’d probably throw Shakespeare at me, right? “Once more unto the breach, dear friends!” But you’ve never been near one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms “visiting hours” don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much.
My simple child reaction of what you did is that you are not funny. Funnier than you is even Stuart Schlossman, who is my friend, and is eleven, and puts walnuts in his mouth and makes noises. What is not funny is to call us names, and what is mostly not funny is how sad you are, and I’d feel sorry for you if it wasn’t for how dull you are. And those are the worst-tasting potato chips that I’ve ever tasted. And that’s my opinion from the blue, blue sky.
Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are.
If I’m not me, who the hell am I?
Look, I know you’re Scott Calvin. You know you’re Scott Calvin. So let’s make this simple: I say ‘name’, you say ‘Scott Calvin’.
Whatever I say, you say, “No.”
Tell you what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna sit right here and talk about it. Now, if you get tired of talking here, Mr. Marshall Elving Patrick there will hand you one of them subpoenas he’s got stuck down in his pocket and we’ll go downstairs and talk in front of the grand jury. Now, we’ll talk all day if you want to. But come sundown, there’s gonna be two things true that ain’t true now. One is that the United States Department of Justice is going to know what in the good Christ - excuse me, Angie - is going on around here. And the other is I’m gonna have somebody’s ass in my briefcase.
You want to know something funny? You actually made me think about the law. I managed to go through three years of law school without doing that.
I hate lawyers. I just work for them.
It’s also possible for a lawyer to be just plain stupid, isn’t it? I mean it’s possible.
Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
I’ll make us some breakfast.
I’d like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.