Each time I tell myself it’s the last time, but then I get a whiff of her hot chocolate, or…
Women! What can you say? Who made ‘em? God must have been a fuckin’ genius. The hair… They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls… just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips… and when they touched, yours were like… that first swallow of wine… after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don’t care if they’re Greek columns… or secondhand Steinways. What’s between ‘em… passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there’s only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin’ to me, son? I’m givin’ ya pearls here.
All right, pussy, pussy, pussy! Come on in pussy lovers! Here at the Titty Twister we’re slashing pussy in half! Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy, this is a pussy blow out! All right, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, we got hot pussy, cold pussy, we got wet pussy, we got [sniffs] smelly pussy, we got hairy pussy, bloody pussy, we got snappin’ pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, nalga high pussy, we even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy! Come on, you want pussy, come on in, pussy lovers! If we don’t got it, you don’t want it! Come on in, pussy lovers!
Okay George, five reasons men are scum and women let us get away with it. One: We only want one thing, no exceptions. Two: We fall in love with you before we can have that thing and then fall back out once we’ve had it, whereas women conversely fall in love afterwards. Three: We will lie, cheat, steal, or murder in order to get that thing – why am I sugarcoating this? You’re a big girl – in order to fuck you. Four: We freely admit the numbers one through three, and women don’t care. And the #5 reason why men are scum and women let us get away with it: You can’t live without us.
You can’t live with 'em, you can’t live without 'em. There’s something irrisitible-ish about 'em.
There ain’t nothin’ like a dame! Nothing in the world.
Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy once in a while. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, except maybe the Indy 500.
Oh please, Mom had this talk with me when I was like, 11.
The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and…
Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac…It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!
Did that go in? I wasn’t watching, did it go in? I didn’t see it, could you tell me if it went in?
Negative. It didn’t go in. It just impacted on the surface.
Yeah, that’s what SHE said.
So then I said…
RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS!!! Ha! You didn’t know I’m gonna say that, did you?
Everybody’s gotta have a hobby!
Where does he get those wonderful toys?
Four stores and many Christmases ago, my father brought forth a factory conceived in innocence and joy and squeezable fun for everyone.
It’s Christmas, Theo. It’s the time of miracles. So be of good cheer, and call me when you hit the last lock.
The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was…