I am not an elephant! I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!
I want to thank you for your kindness to a stranger.
Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” - she always called me Elwood - “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.
General, these are difficult times, we need to help one another.
Oh, General, with all you have within you, your superior brain, your culture, how can you be so blind to spiritual braveness? Do this thing I ask you. Do it for me. Do it even blindly, if you must, and I promise you, I’m so sure of it, I promise you that for the first time in your life you’ll know what real happiness is.
Non!
So, my little Amélie, you don’t have bones of glass. You can take life’s knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete’s sake!
You’ll become one of those hunchbacked, lonely old men, sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, “My ass is twitching. You people make my ass twitch.”
When the doctor – the major – said one of the things they had to do was give me a steel jaw, I thought, “Great! A steel jaw! Maybe I’ll be the next La Motta!” Turns out, a punch could knock the pins into my brain. So it’s worse than a glass jaw. It’s pretty funny, huh?
His name’s Jaws; he kills people.
We can be as different as we wanna be, but you can’t kill people!
What if someone does something irksome and I decide to remove his spine?
Now if it’s a manager, that’s a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that’s giving you static, he probably thinks he’s a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won’t tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb’s next. After that, he’ll tell you if he wears ladies underwear.
Garces is right. You’d do better to tell us everything. But to make sure it happens, I brought along a few tools. Just things you pick up along the way. At first I won’t be able to trust you, but after I use this, you’ll own up to a few things. When we get to these we’ll have developed a… how can I put this? A closer bond, much like brothers. You’ll see. And when we get to this one, I’ll believe anything you tell me.
Long ago, when I was a young man, my father said to me, “Norman, you like to write stories.” And I said “Yes, I do.” Then he said, “Someday, when you’re ready you might tell our family story. Only then will you understand what happened and why.”
You’re gonna be a great writer someday, Gordie. You might even write about us guys if you ever get hard up for material.
Your books are safe. While you’re reading them, you get to become Tarzan or Robinson Crusoe.
Books are just so much… rubbish. They have no interest.
Then why do some people still read them although it’s so dangerous?
Precisely because it is forbidden.
Why is it forbidden?
Because it makes people unhappy.
Do you really believe that?
Oh, yes. Books disturb people. They make them antisocial.
Words are life, Liesel. All those pages, they’re for you to fill.
Life’s like a movie: Write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending.