Shane. Shane! Come back! Bye, Shane.
I want you to go upstairs … and kill that boy.
Go upstairs and bug your sister.
Go beyond the oceans to the Alps…
Maybe you can explain to these people here that I mean them no harm. Tell 'em it’s going to be a new place. It’s going to be a nice place to live. I’m the new judge. There will be law. There is going to be order, progress, civilization, peace… Above all, peace. And I don’t care who I have to kill to get it. Now go on, you tell 'em that.
Of all the years you sat on that bench… all the people that stood before you, the leniency… the understanding, the free ride goes to Mark Blackwell? How do you explain that lapse in judgment?
I wanna apologize for my action in court before. I want you to understand… whatever I said, I meant no disrespect to you. I respect you more than any other judge I ever faced, and I faced a lot of them.
It’s been a very revealing ten seconds, Harold.
Tell me, Harold, how many of these, eh, suicides have you performed?
I was impressed to see that she made proper use of the word “myriad” in her suicide note.
If you deny what you know, or what you are, or where you are, you deny the simplest part of being alive, and then you die.
Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
Yelling anything at a comedian is considered heckling. Heckling doesn’t have to be negative.
Statler: I like the movie fine so far.
Waldorf: It hasn’t started yet.
Statler: That’s what I like about it.
From Fox Searchlight, five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus and MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire. Winner of the Beijing Film Festival’s coveted Crying Monkey Award, “Satan’s Alley”.
“Look, I might as well tell you now. He’s a monkey.”
“They all are.”
“A real monkey.”
“You should have seen my brother Gus.”
Apes don’t read philosophy.
Orangutan, Ma. Clyde’s an orangutan.
I’m a spy. Clyde is a brain. He’s a think tank-type guy.
Oh God, no, please don’t kill me. I’m not a spy. I’m nothing. I’m navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don’t score much. I got a little dick, it’s pathetic!