…and a Diet Coke, please.
I thought you guys just ate doughnuts.
I said no food. I didn’t say there was nothing to eat.
Yeah, years ago. Oh, man. I ate so much pussy in those days, my beard looked like a glazed doughnut.
Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy once in a while. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, except maybe the Indy 500.
America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, badass speed. -Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936
Did you think the Gettysburg Address was ad-libbed?
Fourscore and… seven minutes ago… we, your forefathers, were brought forth upon a most excellent adventure conceived by our new friends, Bill… and Ted. These two great gentlemen are dedicated to a proposition which was true in my time, just as it’s true today. Be excellent to each other. And… PARTY ON, DUDES!
What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?
Why don’t you stop being a mummy for a few minutes and come to life? Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being a mummy if you had any fun getting that way.
I never had a mummy.
What did your Father do? Win you in a crap game?
What was I supposed to do - call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?
Now kindly remove that spaghetti from my poker table.
If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker.
Is this a game of chance?
Not the way I play it, no.
Good night, and good luck.
Goodnight, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England.
Hahk! I hear the cannon’s raw! Is it the King approaching?
Ladies and gentlemen, the Revolution.
What will history say, sir?