I’m Batman!
There is no Tooth Fairy, there is no Easter Bunny, and there is no Queen of England!
But I saw the boogeyman! I saw him!
[Referring to the scar on his neck] A gift from the boogeyman. Perfect for every occasion.
I don’t think you really deserve this. I practically gift-wrapped those cubs for you, and you couldn’t even dispose of them.
–What the hell is this?
–It’s a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
Fish aren’t meant to be in a box, kid. It does things to ya.
Stay free where no walls divide you
You’re free as the roaring tide
What you looking at? You never seen a guy who slept with a fish before?
I wish, I wish, I wish I were a fish.
Mr. Magorium, toy impresario, wonder aficionado and avid shoe wearer.
[Epitaph on the Mr. Magorium’s gravestone]
“What happened?”
“He got the boot!”
And remember. You are not making footwear. You are not making boots. You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex!
Susan, I’ve never heard you talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
A Diamond. You rub it with a cloth, it lets off a charge. You put in water, it comes up dry. Its only enemy is another diamond.
Mr. Diamond, there’s a bullet hole in your jacket.
“Ryan, some things in this room don’t react well to bullets.” Yeah, like me. I don’t react well to bullets.
– Are those live rounds?
– Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket.
I’m warning you, I am a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me. Spooky stuff… Anal stuff. It turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan Philosophy states “Don’t start none, won’t be none!”
After all these years you still don’t understand our Tibetan ways. To return a gift is unforgivable.