This story has Appeared in the British Daily Express of Yesterday, it is Page 14. Schadenfreude is Not Responsible for The Bad Words:
‘Buck Weimer, who has invented Protective Underwear to filter out the Smell From Farts, is thrilled by the response. ‘We’ve got testimonials from people who’ve said it saved their jobs’, he said. His ‘Thunderpants’ range, which feature a Patented Charcoal Filter system, promise to leave their wearer odour-free for a mere £17 a pair…
The average person, by the way, breaks wind 14 times a day to produce half a litre of Gas’.
Can this be True? Schadenfreude recognises the Important Inventions made by American Personages over the Centuries of the Last Millenium (Surfing, Las Vegas, Kentucky Fried Chicken, etc), but Special Underpants! Surely a Design Classic.
What Worries Schadenfreude Most is the half litre of Gasses which is Emitted Every Day into the Atmosphere of Our Planet.
The British Isles has about 60 Million People. If the Ratio of Emissions remains Constant at 14 Efforts per day, we have
30 Million Litres of Unpleasantness drifting into the Stratosphere (Just above Our Heads don’t forget!).
And there are more people in the USA! I know that your Mr. George ‘Dubya’ Bush is against the Kyoto Agreement on Greenhouse Gas, but if He Knew how much more Gasses were escaping from His Citizens every day UNCHECKED by adequate Legislation, he would be back in the Negotiating Chair before Tomorrow!
Please, all of you out there in AmericaLand, start wearing Mr. Weimer’s Underpants Immediately before there is a Planetary-Style Disaster!
I’m not so much as worried for the detrimental effects of our Gasses, as I am of the depletion of the world’s resources of capital letters, coupled with the over-surplus of pronouns that has recently beset our international economy.
What worries jarbaby is that she may somehow drop all of her other SDMB crushes for someone with a name like Schadenfreude, whether he farts a lot or not.
It has just struck jarbaby that perhaps schadenfreude is a germaniac like her self and is capitalizing all nouns as a nod to the german language which does the same…
As an American residing in Germany, I would tend towards Dr. Schadenfreude actually being German. His capitalization and sentence structure remind me so much of the way my German colleagues butcher the English language. Of course, I return the favor and butcher their language right back.
BTW: Dr. Schadenfreude would translate as Dr. Gloat.
There are so many Suspicious Persons on the American Side of the Planet!
So be it. You win.
Schadenfreude is naturally a Nom De Plume for another Person, this Third Party is Herr Angst who is a Failed Bookmaker from Crouch End, which is in East London all the time.
Angst never has any Punters in his Shop because he does not allow any Bets on the Premises. He gets around to thinking of the Terrible Consequences of a Losing Day and he cannot Function as Bookmaker. This Herr Angst, he should not be in the Bookmaking Business. Although if you examine the concept existentially, I don’t suppose he is.
I regret Enormously arriving on this Medium of yours using a False Identity. So now the Truth Is Out and I fear that La Jarbaby will lose her Crushes on Schadenfreude.
For this reason I will remain Schadenfreude I think, rather than Angst (the only other choice) even though Angst is a Shorter Name.
I hope I do not Worry Unduly about the Choice I have just made here.
