Noooo, no. Some bits of time in the car together, mostly when Son is off base with us on Day Leave. No…just mealtimes, and time at the base all together, etc.
This whole thing has a vaguely apocalyptic feel to it.
mom in the trunk.
I feel your pain.
In September, my ex and his parents are coming here for our son’s graduation, which is three hours away from where I live. I have not seen him in 10 years, on account of we live pretty far away and on account of he hasn’t done anything to see the kid in about 6 years. Now he’s decided he must MUST attend the graudation. Fair enough, it’s making the kid happy so I’m happy for the boy and I’ll deal with it the best way I can, which will be my patented gritted teeth smile and my stock phrase, “Gosh, that’s a personal question!”
Thus, we will need to spend a heap of time in cars together, at the ceremony, the dinner, the brunch the next day, and so forth (his parents, me, my ex and my current husband plus our son.) And they will be in town for two weeks and while I’m not entertaining them they will be in and out of the house, I’m sure. And my son has asked if we can all go out to dinner on another occasion besides the graduation (which is a dinner, don’t think American style grad with cap and gown). And I said sure, because he really wanted us to all get along, so I’m determined to try to do that.
My ex not aware (or maybe he is and hides it well) that I cannot stand him, and of course it’s not the proper time to discuss his lack of child support paying ever. His dad is awesome. His mom is a cow. My husband will be bewildered. I have already spent time chanting quietly, “I have to be the adult here, I have to be the adult here” while patiently sending e-mails explaining that I’m happy to advise on final choices but Google is his friend and I will not be booking hotels/trains/cars/entertainment. I will also not be worrying about his trip funding or lack thereof.
Oh, and both my son and I have exams within 48 hours of the time they are all supposed to decamp (uni for me, HSC for the kid) so I have to enforce study time for my son, because he’s asked me to do that, while finding study time for me. (Actually, that’s easy, he can just come to the library with me for the morning and then go meet them.) I did say it was poor timing when the idea got floated. I surely did. Ah, well. Kid’s only gonna do this once.
And when my exams are over and they are all gone and the kids exams are done I am going to drink a fucking truckload of alcohol. Yes I am.
…I am the adult here. I am the adult here. I am the adult here…
So sorry about having to spend a bit too much blended family time together. I have a friend whose nephew graduated sometime last year. She and her family wound up spending less time together than originally planned because he was so tired that he kept falling asleep. So, as much as you want to have time together, it might be less than you anticipate because basic training is kinda tiring. So, maybe it will be less stressful. 
Good luck!
Will the vehicle you will be driving have a luggage rack and/or a trailer hitch?
Hire a limo. One with a privacy glass. Call shotgun (or Rosa Parks) and refuse to sit in the back. Problem solved!
And yes: wedding dwamah. The kids haven’t even set a date yet, and already with the kvetching. At least dress shopping was simple.
Now to find my own dress. I haven’t encountered my ex in person in 17 years. I intend to look smashing, and to continue to be insanely happily married, and to stay the hell out of whatever battles the ex tries to engage in. 
Heh, I have to have a formal dress for the dinner. I’m on the Spite, Hatred and Happy Life diet at the moment. 
You do realize, don’t you, that you will look smashing precisely because you are insanely happily married and that joy is an inner glow that all can see and feel.
If I was the ex, I would have refused and made my own arrangements. But I’m sure it’ll be all right, if the women involved can agree to disagree and be at least nominally polite.
No guarantees there. The women in my family could no sooner do that than they could get drunk.
Here is your official soundtrack for this trip.
No need to thank me.
You’re a dead man.
Can I have your CDs?
My condolences. And congratulations to your son!
Serious suggestion, pay close attention to basic physical comfort. There is potential for each of you to lose control for various reasons. Low blood sugar, being too hot, being too cramped, and alcohol intake (or lack thereof - you presumably know these folks well enough to predict which is worse for each) all have the power to drive things over the edge. So pay the extra for the larger vehicle, have appropriate beverages on hand, including ice water (Freeze water bottles the night before). Throw a couple of small pillows and blankets into the back seat. Have some Luna bars or somesuch on hand.
When you pass a bathroom, ask the group to wait so you can go. This will give them permission to go as well, which will prevent anyone from getting uncomfortable out of embarassment.
Mom and Wife get along well, so they’d be best off in the back seat together. Discuss and clear with wife first, so she doesn’t feel displaced when Ex joins you up front.
Be prepared with a long list of go-to jokes. The earlier you can get folks laughing, the better. Set the tone purposefully, and keep it up throughout. If things start to get tense, pass snacks and water bottles around.
The podcast idea is a great one! Having something to listen to will prevent the need to make awkward conversation and avoid any accidental slips.
Get plenty of sleep, and some exercise in the morning if you can. Remember, you are the common link here, so you are responsible for being the grease between the gears. Take responsibility for your own mood first.
Make all plans ahead of time, and be very clear on schedule. Build in plenty of “Oops” time. If it’s anything like WestPoint graduation, parking could take hours beforehand. Warn the ladies to wear comfortable shoes. Bring a few stadium cushions if possible.
Grab a bunch of brochrues and papers from the hotel befoe you leave and have them on hand for long waits. Pass around interesting ones to anyone who looks uncomfortable.
Be a mega-gentlman this day. If anyone burps or farts, excuse yourself as if you’d done it. Don’t let embarassment build as it quickly turns into defenseiveness.
Good luck!
And, most important, come back (if you survive) and tell us how it went!
In a similar vein, Mrs. Plant v.3.0 and I have rebuilt the trailer that Mrs. Plant v.2.0 and her dogs destroyed in order to rent it to Mrs. Plant v.1.0.
What could go wrong?
;)My parents actually get on pretty well, in spite of being divorced for over 25 years. In fact, my mom lives with my dad’s mother and functions as her caretaker. She and my stepmother talk on the phone, are Facebook friends, the whole nine. All I can say is that they never subjected me to any of what ever bs they were going through at the time (well, after the divorce anyway. I remember some pretty epic battles that lead up to the divorce), and certain topics are completely verboten. My grandmother never approved of my mother, but she came around about the same time I did. 
A little dysfunctional, but it works.
I’d just like to say that I admire the way you define each of them. Does there exist a Mrs. Plant v.3.1 ? 
As for coming back and keeping things up, of course !! Graduation is in late April, so I’ve got PULENTY of time to stew about this.
Plane tickets, motel room(s) and rental car(s) are called for. Just because you have the capability of putting everyone who should not be together in the same vehicle does not mean that you should put everyone who should not be together in the same vehicle.
The Ex asked if she should rent a car or if she could ride with us. To me this is really not about me. Or Ex. Or Mom. Or my dearly beloved Wife. I told the Ex she could ride with us if she wished.
It’s about the Man-Cub and his singular moment of graduation from Basic. Coming just 4 years after the divorce, I see no reason to make any free time he has a combative situation. With two parents and two cars to chose from, unfair pressure and choices come into the picture. With everyone in one car, he gets to be with all of the adults important to HIM.
I am dreading this, sure. But I am also focused on my son.
One must keep track of these things.