How could you possibly have any evidence of this? I’m not saying it’s untrue. BUt I doubt there’s any way you could show it to BE true.
Well, I haven’t personally done the research on that, spooje, but John Lott’s book More Guns, Less Crime certainly seems to indicate in its heavily researched and footnoted pages that the vast majority of the times that guns are used for defense, no shots are ever fired and in many of those cases the police are never called.
Rather like the time I used mine, and like the time a Pennsylvania man scared off a guy who tried to steal his truck by running outside naked with his gun. No police, no shots fired in either of those cases.
Personally I’d wait to get a gun or a restraining order at this point. The dude has only contacted her 3 times and just once in person – in a “public” place. I don’t think that makes him a stalker. Yet. Creepy? Yes. Criminal? Doubtful. I can’t imagine anyone would even give her a restraining order given that he’s never harmed her or threatened to harm her.
Documenting the calls is a good idea. Blocking his calls is another good idea. But buying a gun? Egads. Isn’t that jumping the gun just a tad? (Pardon the pun.)
If he truly IS a stalker, she’ll know soon enough.
PunditLisa,
I strongly disagree. If it had not been for the threat against her husband, I’d be with you, but by saying something about him “being out of the way”, I’d say he’s given her enough reason to view him as potentially dangerous. I wouldn’t advise someone without prior firearms training to run out and buy a gun and sit around worried and waiting for him, but I know I sure as hell would (I do have prior experience with firearms and live in a state where you can get a permit to carry).
That’s the problem. Let’s hope he’s not, but the “out of the way” comment set of my alarm bells loud and clear. I personally would never have let that go and would have demanded clarification from him. I don’t see how to interpret that as anything but a threat, unless he was planning on just wishing the husband into the cornfield a-la the Twilight Zone.
Zette, “I bet you’d be interested if your husband were out of the picture.” could be the words of a man with an extremely bloated ego, no? In other words, the only thing stopping Aubrey from running into his arms is her commitment to an inferior man. In which case his words could be merely presumptuous and annoying rather than threatening.
Either way, it’s been almost a week since T has contacted her. Maybe he has taken the hint and moved on. Let’s hope so.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Irish Rogue *
**IMHO, we live in a society that allows predators to have much more freedom and rights than the victim has. Instead of our local law enforcement officers asking my ex what possible reason he had for lurking around my alley at 11:30 p.m. when his last known address was 35 miles away, they were openly irritated with me for calling the police when (wait, you’ll love this) “he hasn’t done anything to you yet.” WTF?! He hadn’t done anything to me yet?! I’m sorry … I’ll wait until I’m bruised, bloody, and lying in a ditch before I BOTHER you, Officer Assmunch.
[quote]
I’m sorry, but if he wasn’t on private property and no way to prove he had any nasty intent, there isn’t anything the police can do. How do you propose changing it?
Sorry, but don’t twist my words. I said that “for what at the moment could be an easily solved problem”
Not that it was easily solved, or that it will always be an easily solved problem, but at the moment, given the current situation, hopefully it wont get worse, and that this can all be resolved easily.
It dosent necessarily mean “he is going to eliminate her husband”. It is right to be cautious, and this is the only scary point in what he has said, and the only thing IMO that I feel warrants police contact.
Now this is where in your story he has committed illegal acts, but there was nothing that the police could do before he did anything.
I still don’t think that the guys behaviour warrants getting a gun. Hell, maybe not even mace. Get some self defence classes. Not every attacker will come at you from right in front or give you enough time to get a gun or mace out of your bag.
I would be more inclined to think that he was being presumptuous if he’d said “If only you weren’t married” or “if only we were together”. Using the phrase “if your husband were out of the picture” just strikes me as threatening. But as I said, I would have asked for clarification, probably in a not very nice way. It sounds like a threat to me. But you may very well be right. Let’s hope we never find out.
If you’re interested in examining the question of whether more gun ownership is a good thing, you might like to check out the following story, which has loads of links to criticisms of the book you cite. In addition, it details Lott’s inability to provide a cite for the very ‘fact’ you repeated here. Apparently, he fabricated that one.
:smack:
http://slate.msn.com/id/2078084/
If the bad guy gives up you’d have to call the cops to come get him.
If he runs you should call them, because depending on the circumstances he could call them and tell them that you were threatening him for no reason. The police tend to believe whoever calls them first*. Or he could come back with his friends or a weapon. If you have to use force then, you’d be better off legally for having already called the cops.
Besides, its your civic duty, at least if you can give a good description and you live in a gunfriendly area.
If you live in a non-gunfriendly area you might be better off not risking it.
*Having a carry permit helps too, as does having a proper holster. For some reason bad guys tend not to use holsters.
Thanks, nogginhead!
Am I the only one intrigued by the 7"7 Wrestler?
7"7 is freakishly tall, in fact, taller than anyone in the NBA.
More clues!
I have had a stalker for the past several years. I have not read all the other responses, so forgive me if I repeat any advice.
The man who has been stalking me is a man I dated briefly. I broke it off with him, quite nicely and politely actually.
When it all first started (the stalking I mean), I didn’t take it too seriously. I thought he just needed time to let it sink in. I had no idea what was up ahead.
I move at least once a year now. I have to because he finds me.
I have had to leave two firms because he was able to locate me.
I had to have my name changed legally last year. I belong to several associations and can no longer attend any meetings or gatherings because he will be stationed across the street. Having my name changed was the only way I could pretty much guarantee that he would not be able to find me through the Bar Association any more.
The police are limited in what they can do and what they will do.
If you don’t have a big dog already, get one.
I also keep a stun gun tucked into my waistband.
If you don’t already work out, start.
Always wear shoes you can run in.
Any established routines you have, cease them immediately.
Keep a copy of the restraining order on you at all times.
Make sure every place you enter has a second exit.
Make sure NOTHING is under your name. This includes utilities, video rental memberships, grocery store cards, etc…
Keep a disposable camera in your bag or pocket.
Change your appearance. Color your hair. Anything that will make you not look like “you”.
Run a google search on yourself every so often. My stalker likes to register at different sites as “me”. It may also tip you off as to what he is planning.
Going strictly by what was typed, it was 77", or 6’5". While still quite tall, there are a number of (former) WCW wrestlers in that height range, and 6’5" is the NBA minimum*
*hyperbole alert
I forgot to add one some things. Do not register to vote. My stalker actually went through all the record books and was at the correct polling place one year.
Never underestimate a stalker. That was my first mistake.
There is only one thing I do that I get any satisfaction from. I post on another board and he knows it. It took me a long time to realize that he was also on those boards, under various names. I started posting there a couple of years ago, never dreaming that he would find out. I still post there, even after finding out he is there, partly because of the “in-your-face” factor. It is the one droplet of satisfaction I have from this whole situation.
Wow, what a thread.
Earlier it was stated that “if he is a stalker, she’ll know soon enough.”
WHAT?!? Like when she’s in a hospital bed, or worse, a morgue?
Never fuck around with something like this. My God, look at IrishRideGirl’s posts! Imagine losing your name, professional identity and God knows what else, and having there be nothing you can do about it. Imagine not being able to see your friends or family, because you can’t ask them to change their identities too.
I am firmly in the responsible gun owner camp, and I will echo what has been said before- if you aren’t 100% comfortable handling, storing, cleaning and firing a gun, you shouldn’t have one. Ever. For any reason. And if you pull it out, you had damn sure be willing to kill the person you’re shooting at. Otherwise, there is a good chance they will kill YOU with it.
Laws do not protect you, they set up the process after the fact. You and your husband need to protect yourselves NOW. And for a long time after you think things are over (unless you have proof that your stalker is dead or in jail- and check on the jail part- they hardly ever notify victims when a criminal gets out, even if they have specifically threatened the victim again).
Ugh.
Two “Two cents worth” on the OP
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If you have to go the in hiding route, do NOT get an unlisted or unpublished phone number. Just a minor stumbling block for someone who’s willing to do the work. Put all the phone and all other bills associated with your home address in a fake name.
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It’s reasonable to snoop around and find out if there’s something the law enforcement might like to know about this guy - heck, maybe he’s violating parole by visiting you - but counter-stalking is for the movies.
Look on the bright side, maybe he has a drug problem and will OD.
In response to posts:
Confrontation sounds like a good idea - but in domestic abuse cases, the woman’s decision to leave doesn’t usually make a man “back down,” it pisses him off. That’s why we sneak them out of the house while he’s at work.
IrishRideGirl
This could cause problems for you - usually restraining orders might as well be toilet paper if you initiate any kind of contract.
He is posing as different individuals, the majority of them are “female”. It’s a long story, but I’m ok as far as the restraining order goes.
I have made a couple of stupid mistakes on my part along the way.
One was filling out a warranty card that came with an electronic item I had purchased and mailing it in to the manufacturer. I had no idea the majority of these cards were entered into a searchable database.
Magazine subscriptions also go into these databases. Do nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing under your own name. Make one up if you can not or will not have your name changed.
First, I apologize if I was taking your words out of context … I had no intention of twisting them. However, I stand by what I said … stalking situations are rarely, if ever “easily” solved.
Next, I guess I didn’t explain my situation in the correct order (it’s hard to think calmly when writing about this …) …
He had ALREADY committed those illegal acts when the police told me he could stand in my alley. A judge had ALREADY issued a restraining order (which, granted, hadn’t been served yet) against him when the police told me he could stand in my alley.
The problem was that they couldn’t catch the oily bastard … when I would call the police, he would disappear quicker than a cockroach in a kitchen.
I guess what I was trying to explain was that in my experiences, the police didn’t care that I had handfuls of creepy notes … a copy of a restraining order … evidence photos of myself with black eyes, etc. … in their opinion, I shouldn’t BOTHER them until he’d done something to me, personally. <sigh> And I’m not necessarily blaming the police personally … one very kind officer told me that, although he’d love to go hunt him down like the animal that he was, his hands were simply tied by the law.
I’m not trying to sound overly-dramatic … but until you’ve been there, it’s hard to imagine the kind of terror, anger and dispair this situation causes.
Frankly, mace is the minimum … IMHO.