Stand Tall, American Boobs!

A few days ago, in this Cafe Society thread, I posted a link to this web page which began by telling about the various versions of Mark Twain’s story The Mysterious Stranger. I had just scanned the beginning of it and to be honest, had not read it completely before I did. Bad judgement on my part since it later turns into a fairly bizarre rant. I could have let it go, but the final sentence of the report saddened me greatly :

Can this be true? Have our beloved American boobs started on some self-destructive path? What will we tell our children when they grow up and find themselves in a world without American boobs? How can we, as Americans allow this to continue?

I, for one, refuse to let this happen. Yes, I Eutychus of the Straight Dope Message Board hereby devote my life, my honor, yea my precious bodily fluids, to the preservation of the American boob.

Stand tall, stand proud, American boobs.

Who’s with me?

I, for another, stand proudly at your side in this struggle, brave Euty. We must not let American boobs perish.

Although we do get a number of fine boobs from other countries, Australian supermodels and whatnot, these are obviously not enough to meet the needs of red-blooded Americans. We need to assure a steady supply of native boobs to protect the way of life we have all come to enjoy in this great country.

I feel a great swelling of pride in my heart right now.

Well, a swelling of something, anyway…

I can honestly say my boobs have never attempted to start a holy war.

Then again, I don’t know what they do while I’m asleep, so I could be wrong.

I am! Along with 36B’s and a good underwire bra. :smiley:

Um, mine haven’t stood tall or proud in…well, never, actually.

I’m sure they’d be happy to help out at the canteen or something, though.

Mine started The Great Underwear War of 2001. Not a holy war unless you could my boobs as holy territory.
I remember it well, it was the underwire bras vs. the no-underwire bras. The boobs were gaining territory up north and were questioning whether or not the current bras were convenient anymore. The ones with underwire were starting to look much more appealing but the ones without didn’t want to lose power. The battles were long and vicious but finally the underwire bras came out on top. They just had more support and that’s what it all came down to. So that was the end of that.

Today, the champions, the underwire bras, help my American boobs to stand tall and stand proud. They’re very patriotic and they make me proud.
:smiley:

Are they red, white and blue? Starred and striped?

Gravity is cruel… but I’m with you in spirit.

I would have thought the compromise would be obvious, one cup of each.

Haha I’m with you!! :smiley:

hmpf

my Aussie Boobs challenge your 'Merican boobs to a duel…

The Great Booboff of 2002

[Booboff Recruiter]

Stand tall, stand proud, be patriotic, be perky - if not for your self then do it for your country.

[/Booboff Recruiter]

Well I can only ask so much of them, and sadly colors and designs are not part of that.
I feel my boobs best serve my country by striving to one day become amazing and ample-sized…tracks of land. Be the best they can be. Like the army.

My boobs don’t just stand! Joyously unbound and free, they quiver, they jiggle, they bounce–they’re dancing with American pride!

Oh, and don’t forget to do your part, guys! Remember: a well-fondled boob is a patriotic boob!

Are you taking applications, Squish? :wink:

Ohmygod…I’m laughing so hard I’m crying…

My boobs haven’t participated in a holy war, but they have elicited a “Holy shit!” on occasion :wink:

And don’t worry, FairyChatMom, my boobs haven’t been perky since 6th grade. :slight_smile:

Oh, I almost forgot…I’m up for the whole “fondling” thing. :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh bloody hell… does this mean we’ve gotta start schlepping drums of chocolate all over creation again? :smiley:

I have a feeling your artistic touch will be called upon once again, Skeezix old boy. Better start finding some red and blue chocolate to go with the white.

The Boobie Hymn of the Republic

[sup](With apologies to Julia Ward Howe - 1819-1910)[/sup]

Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the burning of the bra.
Tits are so much fun to play with
Why - there ought to be a law.
They’re showing off their cleavage
And the men all shout “Hurrah!”.
The boobs go bouncing on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Holy! Holy! What a nice rack!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
The boobs go bouncing on.

We’ve seen them on some virgins,
And we’ve seen them on some tramps
And soon we hope they’re featured on
Two dollar postage stamps;
Now we see their righteous curves
Out near the nudist camps;
Their boobs go bouncing on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Holy! Holy! What a nice rack!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Their boobs go bouncing on.

I have touched the saggy ones;
And boobs that felt like steel:
I’d love it in the summertime
When they’re much more revealed,
The last remaining question is;
Please tell me, are they real?
Thank God the boobs bounce on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Holy! Holy! What a nice rack!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Thank God the boobs bounce on.

Some gals hath had the surgery
For boobs to call a dream;
Be still the beating hearts of men
When we see 'em on high-beam;
Be swift our soul, to follow them;
Then feeling them our theme;
Your boobs go bouncing on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Holy! Holy! What a nice rack!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Your boobs go bouncing on.

Lose the confines of the bra;
And tops of bikinis.
With the glory of their bosom
That transfigures you and me.
When they try to trap them in
We’ll die to set them free.

Let

boobs

go

bounce

  • ing

oooooooooooooon.

Amen.:cool: