I suppose someone could say that there is a legitimate question buried under there. But what is objectionable is not so much the question but your apparent glee in asking it like you were writing a letter to “Savage Love.”
I can think of two reasons why you open this cruddy little door into the cesspool that passes for your imagination. One would be that you were deliberately trying to piss people off by discussing a much-beloved novel/film as if you were doing literary analysis of “Ron Jeremy Presents.” Of course that would be a bannable offense, so we’ll assume you’re not doing that.
The second possibility is that you’ve somehow fallen under the misconception that real live human beings over the age of 21 and with IQs higher than room temperature find it interesting, funny or “cool” when you bust out your junior high vulgarities. They don’t.
I can only surmise that you’ve been whacking off to Penthouse Forum for so long that the vocabulary and rhetorical tropes have become second nature to you. But though the SDMB can be rather unpretty at times, we generally manage to avoid sounding as if we’re a bunch of frat boys trying to impress one another with made-up accounts of sexual conquest.
There are plenty of websites out there that specialize in all sorts of content, and I’m sure there’s one out there that can cater to whatever the hell your weird-ass tastes are; there’s really no need to come here to gas up your one-stroke mental engine.
First of all, you find his OP out of keeping with a message board where two oft and fondly recalled threads involve fried semen and licking a dog’s asshole? A place where “penis ensues”? Seem right at home.
Secondly I’m not getting the comparisons to Penthouse letter or frat boy bragging…or stroke anything. It’s hardly pornographic. It’s just talking about characters in a non-sexually direct book in a sexual direct way. May be out of keeping with Tolkien’s vision but there’s a long tradition of speculating on the “real” sex lives of fictional characters. Why do you see it as necessarly intended as an insult?
Thirdly, with the possible exception of “finally pop Arwen’s centuries-ripe cherry”. what junior high school vulgarities? “Fuck” and “getting laid” are terms used commonly by adults last time I checked.
Maybe you’re just a little too emotionally protective of this Aragorn and Arwen couple?
While it was not my intention to piss anybody off with that thread, I think it’s kind of cool that the first pit thread with my name in the title (that I’m aware of, anyway) happened to come just in time for my fifth anniversary as an SDMB member, and it was a thread about popping someone’s cherry.
I agree with betenoir, I’m amazed someone would pit the thread in question. True or not, furt, you’re coming off like a comic-book-guy-esque fanatic with unhealthy protective feelings towards fictional characters. You should step back, take a deep breath, and realize Bob Scene’s thread was nowhere near worth your reaction to it.
Frankly, and no offense to Bob Scene, but I’ve always imagined that the person who would play me would have to have the wit of an elucidator, the fiery…um… firebrandity of a Red Fury, the gravitas and sagacity of a Kimstu or a DSeid…
In short, I’m not sure that anyone else could really pull it off. But, nevertheless, let’s bring Bob Scene in for a screen test – I assume he’s handsome enough? You know, sort of a good-looking George Clooney?
Elf graffiti: “For a good troth-plighting, call …”
Far be it from me to overanalyze this, but if there are people out there who struggle with an unhealthy obsession with the sex lives of fictional characters, I don’t think Bob Scene is among them. His question seems driven more by whimsy than by prurience. And if Tolkein could write two million words on the topics of tunnels (somebody is forever and always going into or coming out of somebody else’s tunnel) and exactly how comfortable this or that hobbit’s little hobbit-hole is, and how the battle was lost until the Ents showed up and the forces of good got wood, I have to believe he was in on the joke.
So another vote for Take a Deep Breath and Relax. I don’t care if Aragorn and Arwen plighted their troth until his plight was blighted and her troth was sore, but the fact that someone does harms no one at all.
You know how, after The Terminator came out, someone else made The Sperminator? And you know how, after Driving Miss Daisy came out, someone else made Riding Miss Daisy? And you know how, after Fahrenheit 911 came out, someone else made Fahrenheit 9-on-1?
What I’m trying to say is that you can probably still get Clooney to do Hentor The Barbarian.
The reason for this thread is, as PushYouDown put it, “You made LOTR all… icky.” It’s “icky” to some people to discuss cultural icons as though they were, like, real people, who have, like, bodily functions and everything. I know people who are deeply offended at the mere suggestion that Jesus might have masturbated.
Personally, I welcome all discussions of cultural icons and their bodily functions. As a kid I sometimes wondered what Batman did when he hadda go to the bathroom. Did he, like, pull the tights down, or what?
What’s the matter, furt? Did someone just crushed your carefully constructed dream of someday becoming an elf? Obsess much? I thought it was hilarious.
There are people, and furt appears to be one, who take the LOTR entirely too seriously. For example, just before the first of the LOTR movies came out I actually got banned from a discussion board dedicated mainly to firearms for starting a thread in their GD forum about whether or not Frodo and Sam were teh gay. Homosexuality had, by no means, ever been a forbidden topic there; it was just that one of the mods couldn’t_like furt_ bear to have his beloved hobbits made “all icky.”
I’m trying to figure out which OP made me laugh more, this one, or the one being pitted. It’s hard to judge, because in one I’m laughing with the OP, and the other, I’m laughing at the OP.
