This is what I would propose also. Cathy needs to know. Jack should be the one to tell her, so it should be made clear that if Jack can’t be a man and face his wife with the truth then someone else will tell her. The thing is, she’ll find out. People most likely do when they’ve been screwed over especially since so many other people know. I don’t know about the rest of you but if my partner cheated on me I’d be far more pissed and hurt if I had to hear it from others rather than from her own mouth. Not to mention I would be pretty upset at those “friends” who knew and didn’t tell me.
Jack is selfish, first for cheating on his wife and second for burdening their mutual friends with the information and asking that they shut up about it. If other relationships are damaged because Cathy finds out, well it’s Jack’s fault, not Anne’s, Dan’s or **Red Roses’ ** fault.
Suppose, as is really most likely, that Jack told Dan this in confidence? Is he going to take that well? What do you do if he says, “I never told Dan that. I don’t know what he’s talking about?” What if he’s telling the truth when he says that?
Or what if it turns out that Dan had two stories conflated, one that happened to Jack last month, and one from three years ago? Suppose Jack was just bullshitting because he wanted guys in the office to think he’s a stud. Suppose Dan feels that going to a strip club constitutes “cheating.” Suppose Anne is making it up.
Jack didn’t burden anyone but Dan, though. Dan burdened everyone else. Poking your nose into an ex-spouse’s love life is always damaging.
Sorry, saoirse, but I think that we’re having a miscommunication here. By my count, the five people are: Jack, Dan, Anne, Cathy, and RedRoses. My suggested statement is intended to convey to Jack that Cathy is going to find out, one way or another, and he’d better decide quickly how he wants that to happen. I am not suggesting that Anne, or RedRoses for that matter, should tell anyone else - including Cathy. The simple fact of the matter is that a piece of knowledge like this is going to spread, as the situation has already proven, and making Jack pointedly aware of this fact is generally the only palatable solution I see to having been put in the situation.
Put it this way:
Jack cheats on Cathy.
Jack tells Dan, putting a burden of knowledge on Dan.
Dan tells Anne, sharing the burden of knowledge with her.
Anne tells RedRoses, sharing the burden further.
Dan, Anne, and RedRoses all now share a burden of information that is not rightfully theirs - through no actions of their own. The most efficient course of action, in my opinion, is to shift that burden back to its rightful owner - Jack. The fact that the burden has grown (by four other people being involved) is a direct consequence of his originally putting it (the burden) on an uninvolved party. Jack needs to deal with these consequences like a grown-up, and moving the burden back to him is the most efficient, and least drama-laden, way to make that happen.
On preview: saoirse, even if Dan has made an error or just made shit up, Jack still needs to be in the know about what’s being said. He still deserves the opportunity to tell Cathy first-hand about whatever started the rumor mill going.
Presuming that the alleged infidelity is actual infidelity: I think that while it’s factually correct to say that Dan started the sharing of the burden, Jack should have known when he put knowledge with this emotional weight in someone else’s lap that it was a burden that would be shared with at least one person - particularly when it so intimately involves others (through children, divorces, what-have-you). The fact that Dan may have broken a confidence is well second to the fact that it’s still Jack’s actions that are the problem. It is not Dan’s, Anne’s, or RedRoses’ responsibility to protect Jack and Cathy’s relationship - it’s Jack and Cathy’s responsibility.
I agree with this. But from a purely utilitarian standpoint, it is Anne’s responsibility to protect her relationship with her own husband, and her child’s situation. Getting involved in this in any way can only harm Anne, Dan, and child. It can not and will not benefit any of the three of them in any way. You can say that it’s Jack’s “fault” if Anne’s intervention results in pain for the three of them, but it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is. Again, I know there’s a visceral thrill associated with the idea of outing a cheating louse, but the damage it would cause to people Anne cares about - quite apart from Jack - makes it not worth that relatively minor benefit.