Can you ask her if she notices that you two are having communication problems, and if so, why she thinks it’s happening?
I’ve found that a lot of the time, just attacking the issue (politely!) can remove the problem…instead of trying to deal with the effects of the problem.
This is assuming that you can bring it up tactfully…but directly.
-D/a
Just say, “We are in violent agreement.” It gets the point across in a clear, amusing way.
I had a friend who, when he was going through his political phase (as I called it) would argue with you if you agreed with his position while using differing reasons to get to that position.
“I think FDR is the greatest President because of how he conducted WW2.”
“I think he’s the greatest because he led us out of the Great Depression.”
“No, you’re wrong - it’s his leadership in WW2 that makes him the greatest!”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”
She may have a self-confidence issue, and is not getting enough feedback from you that you are sufficiently vehemently in agreement with her to reassure her that she is indeed about to do the right thing.
What to actually do about that I’m not sure; excessive reassurance is not likely to shut her up either, I’m afraid.
Have you considered that she might not have known that at the beginning? She may be much like myself: she needs to find a way to communicate a thought in order to have it. It might be talking out loud, writing, or a conversation, but some people (a great many) must express a thought in order to play with it and turn it into something useful.
It’s not enough that you agree. She wants you to want to agree. The fact that she’s having to ask you if you agree shows that you don’t really agree. She’s already putting up with as much as she can from you. One more instance of that smirking little “oh, yes, now that you mention it I agree with you,” Mister, AND SHE SWEARS SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S GOING TO DO!!!
The person wants “A.” I’ve found that disagreeing with them vehemently by saying, “No, we should do A,” will lead them to say “That’s what I said.” To which you can say, “Oh, good. Then let’s move on.” That way, they get to win. And you get them to shut up.
I do that too, but I don’t sound like I’m arguing when I do it. And I would explain myself after being asked, as looking at you weird would accomplish nothing.
Oh! I’ll have to try that one next time.
That might work, but …
She’s fallen down the rabbit hole!
Does she try to clarify your points, reply to your comments with a negative, then reasserts her opinion which really conincides with yours, but Mary has to have it stated her way anyway or else you are wrong? not she saying she is a narcissistic egomaniac but she might be.
Why not explore that possibility? You can phrase it something like, “I’m right there with you, Mary! Why do you bring it up; do you think George is going to push back on this? Why?”
You can help her by taking the devil’s-advocate position and letting her make her case, so that she’ll be confident and ready if and when she does have to justify herself to her bosses.
Boosting her confidence like this might not be explicitly stated in your job description, but it’s the sort of thing that can make you better co-workers and better friends, if that’s what you want. You sound like you have a sort of “let’s shut up and just get the work done” style. I get it, I’m kind of like that too, but stepping out of your comfort zone when interacting with your colleagues could be good for you as well.