One day at the salon my assistant and I were talking about our tounge piercings when a client came in for a cut, so we stopped our talk I got the client setteled into the chair found out what she wanted then she took her hearing aid out and I started working on her hair
He and I reusmed out conversation (since we figured she couldn’t hear us)
We began disscusing the pros and cons to having them but since we both new what we were talking about I don’t think we ever actually said tounge piercings infront of the client. Anyhow I ask him…
“Do you have a problem with plac building up on your balls”
she heard that…
He busted out laughing and she truned to me and said “WHATTTT???”
Recently one of my cow-orkers came over to me and said," I am trying to fix my desk drawer. You know where everything is around the office. Champ, can I get a screw?"
Fortunately, I was not looking directly at her when she said that. Or maybe I should say unfortunately. Had I been looking directly at her, I could have rolled my eyes far enough in the back of my head to embarrass her.
Yep.
Last night at Relay for Life.
Overnight event held at our little baseball stadium. I am being paraded around and introduced to various and sundry sweet little old lady cow-orkers of his.
Standing around in the group, someone starts discussing where to put her sleeping bag.
SO looks out onto the field and says thoughfully,
“Huh. I wonder if I could pitch a tent out on the field.”
During the last holiday season, my assistant manager wore a pair of felt antlers on her head whenever she worked. They attracted a lot of attention, including one nice old lady who exclaimed, “Oh my! I like your head!”
I should’ve left it alone, but without thinking, I muttered, “You must get that a lot.” What I meant was that it was an odd compliment – it was only when the AM turned and hissed “Shush!” that I realized the other possible meaning to the innocent compliment and the response.
No better way to start the day than by accidentally sexually harrassing your superiors!
This one just happened two days ago. I’m at the bank, trying to hash out some seemingly difficult account problem. Turns out that it wasn’t that complicated at all. Anyway, as we were wrapping up, I commented on how easy it was to get the situation rectified. The teller replied, “Hey, I’m nothing if not easy.”
I said nothing.
After a second, she caught what she said, and blushed horribly.
A couple of us Army types were nearing the end of our enlistment when the first group of female soldiers arrived. One of them worked with Don and me in personnel. She was from Hawaii. A couple of days before we were due to leave, she said to Don, “I wish I could give you a lei.”
I am from Pennsylvania and was consulting in Maryland. I had had a few beers with the client and then got lost going back to my hotel. I had to urinate VERY badly and so I stopped to urinate in the woods. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting. I explained my situation and he said “Boy, that is 110 dollar fine. Maryland is NOT a public restroom.” And, although I have NOTHING against Maryland, I almost replied: “Sir, I’m from Pennsylvania and to US Maryland IS a public restroom.” Some things are better left unsaid.
I was out rock climbing recently, and most of the obvious lines are so played out that no one bothers to jump on them. But there happened to be a whole group of Boy Scouts out there that day. So it really made me notice that I couldn’t respond out loud when I heard one of the men guiding a kid up the rock : “Just take your two fingers and put them in that crack. You should be able to get them in there.”
I’m surprised all the boys kept their composure (they were all about 11-13, but might have been too focused on the task to realize what was being said.)
Reviving this to say that I had to leave one alone yesterday;
Overhear a woman in my office yesterday saying something about
“The most beautiful painting I’ve ever seen-it’s a Thomas Kincade.”
:rolleyes:
YMMV, but it was so hard not to tell her that IMO, the two are mutually exclusive…
Thank you so much for the “trim bush” post, Jarbaby. It reminded me to go rearrange absolutely everything my friends had spelled out on my refridgerator door with a Magnetic Poetry kit. It would have slipped my mind entirely otherwise.
My grandparents are coming in for graduation. My grandfather has macular degeneration, but he can read with a magnifying glass. The last thing I want to hear is my grandfather loudly and slowly puzzling out “Make her moan and pant in the hot bed.”
This happened a couple weeks ago at work. I work for a medical company that designs, among other things, guide catheters (no, not that kind of catheter, the ones used in angioplasty proceedures). Anyway, we had a physician come out to our facility to give his feedback on our different testing methods.
Evidently, there’s some technique in placing the catheter that is called “deep-throating.” The physician further elaborates that “young doctors are less likely to deep-throat, because they’ve never practiced it.”
I’m the only female in a group of ~15 design engineers, managers, and sales staff, and also the youngest by at least 10 years. I had to fight to maintain a straight face.
Not a line I had to leave alone, but something I said: I broke my glasses while at camp, and as one of the counselors was leaving for town (we were in a rural area), I called out to her “Hey, can you get me a screw from town? I just need a little one.”
A few months back we were asked to put together a bid to replace a fleet of rental bikes at a fancy (and expensive) golf resort nearby…
We waited and waited to hear how our bid fared, but they never contacted us, (or returned our calls). It IS common practice, and good manners to tell all bidders who won the bidding.
Finally, I could take no more. I went out to the resort and dropped in on the recreation director and asked.
She was actually fairly polite, but smug, and explained to me that although she realized that we offered a superior product and service, the contract had been let to a rival bike shop because their prices were cheaper, and she determined that “having the best wasn’t worth the extra money.”
I nodded and before I knew it, my mouth dropped into gear.
“I certainly hope YOUR clients don’t figure that out.” I said.
I don’t suppose I need to hope that we will ever get any business from them now, but being one of those that usually takes a week and a half to come up with the perfect smart-assed comeback, it was a particularly proud moment for me.
Last year, I was dating a new guy after a LOOOOONG dry spell, and as is frequent when I am blissfully happy, lost 10 lbs. in a month without trying. While talking to a friend about how blissfully happy I was to have lost the weight, I said, “You know, I’ve been getting into pants I haven’t gotten into in years!”
Years ago, I was dating a different guy, one who was not a native English speaker (although his English was usually pretty darn decent). He had just started an in-house computer programming training program that used to be run by a major national retailer, and was describing how tough the teachers were. One day, one of his cohorts didn’t do the homework, and he was describing how “the teacher really went down hard on the poor guy, in front of everybody!”
We immediately had a little chat about how the substitution of the wrong preposition in an idiom can completely change the meaning of the sentence…
In college, I used the phrase “buttload of…” like “I’ve got a buttload of homework to do…” or “There is a buttload of snow on the ground.” Flash to developmental biology lab. Frog eggs on table, TA cuts out frog testes and gives them to us in a little dish. We pinch the testes with tweezers and then fertilize the eggs. I squeezed the testes and liquid squirted out. I said,
"Whoa…I just got a buttload of sperm."
Second…both happened in the office. Once a week, all the attorneys get together and we discuss our cases. We were talking about the a guy named Dick and if he was a good attorney to work with. My (male and married) boss said, “I like Dick.” I had to bite my tongue because the attorney across from me was snickering, too.
Last…just today, another legal review meeting and we are discussing a man who was working with a radioactive material and got a huge dose of radiation because he wasn’t careful. One of the attorneys kept saying, **“He exposed himself in the lab…he exposed himself in the field…” **