This has got Great Debates written all over it, but I’ll give it an honest shot anyway.
OK, so you’re a straight male. You meet someone wonderful. Easy to talk to, funny, smart, gentle, kind and understanding. The kind of person you want to live the rest of your life with. You have fun every second you’re together. Whatever you do is a blast, simply because you’re together. You talk through the night, never tiring of each other’s voices.
And you’re saying you’re going to dump him because of the shape of his body? Isn’t that really, really, mindmeltingly shallow?
Not trying to p*ss anyone off, I’ve just been wondering about this for a while. Straight females, please substitute “her” for “him” and “his” in the above, and answer accordingly.
I’m not sure I’ve met the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with yet. Also:
I haven’t met this person, either. Every relationship, gay or straight, has weak points. People are fallible. People make mistakes. They say things they don’t mean sometimes, because we’re only human. Right now, things are good with me, but I won’t pretend that every second is fun.
Would I dump her because of the shape of her body? No, certainly not! That’s one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. She is a little overweight, but it’s not a problem. I think if you were that picky about someones weight, then you would have got so heavily involved in the first place.
No, I meant to say “him”. That’s the whole point. If you meet someone you really like, are you going to dump him over his Y chromosome, which to you means nothing beyond the shape of his body?
I was being overly clear to drive my point home. I don’t believe in the perfect relationship either, and it’s beside the point too.
OK, I will. Gay men, why would you dump a girl simply because of her body shape? The only reason I asked straights is that there are, presumably, more straights than gays here, and straight is still seen as the standard of society.
So what you’re saying is that, for you, the physical appearance of your SO is crucial? I’m really not trying to be obnoxious, I’m genuinely curious.
Fairly crucial - I wouldn’t want to have an SO who wasn’t physically attractive to me. Since my predilections exclude the male gender, then I wouldn’t want an SO who was male, either.
This doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate beauty in a male, but there’s a separation between sexual attraction and beauty.
My sister’s beautiful, but I wouldn’t want to boink her.
I’m a little unclear on this, but I’ll give it a shot. You’re asking why a “straight” guy would “dump” another guy because he’s a guy, I gather. Well, IMHO, it sounds like the other guy has hangups about his sexuality. If he were “straight”, he likely wouldn’t have had that type of experience with another man in the first place. It sounds more like he’s bisexual or bi-curious. Now he’s having second thoughts. Perhaps his “gay” experience frightened him. Maybe he’ll come around, maybe not.
I don’t think it’s the shape of your body as much as his sexual identity that’s the problem. As a straight man, I am instinctively attracted to the female body. I could look at them all day. I see men and feel nothing. It isn’t a conscious thought, really. But that isn’t what happened with you. It sounds like the dumping was due to his conscious mind having a problem reconciling his sexual self-image with his experience with you. IANA shrink, so YMMV.
Is it really so hard to understand? straight people are by definition attracted to members of the opposite sex, how on earth can you find this surprising?
There’s also too much emphasis on the word ‘dump’ - as if someone would find themselves deeply involved in an intimate relationship, then suddenly discover the gender of their partner! (I think I’ve heard about this from secondhand reports of Jerry Springer shows, but anyway…).
The whole question is loaded and assumes conclusions; it would be exactly the same as me asking “hey, gay people, why aren’t you just heterosexual, are you really that shallow?”
This is exactly what I mean. If the story had been about a man and a woman, the question would never have come up. You meet someone, you like someone, there’s an attraction, you hook up. What I want to know is why straight and gay people automatically preclude half the population solely due to their looks.
You seem to think there’s something conscious in the decision. If you want it explained more graphically try this: if I see a beautiful naked woman, I get wood. If I see a beautiful naked man, nothing goes on in the trouser department. It’s not something I can control.
Sexual relationships are a balance between companionship and lust.
Well, since I’m not sexually attracted to other women, it’s not about their looks - it’s about the type of human I’m attracted to. I can have a friendship with a lesbian, but I don’t want to sleep with her.
I also preclude married men and men in relationships from my dateable pool. Does that mean I’ve got a problem with marriage? No, it means that those people aren’t what I’m looking for to satisfy sexual urges, like I’m not looking for a woman. I can have a friendship with them too - but it will remain platonic unless such a time comes that neither of us are married or in a relationship.
If you’re a gay man, what if you meet a woman who is all those things that you described? Do you automatically exclude her because of her body? I’dguess (not knowing you as a person), that if you are solely gay, not bisexual, that you would exclude her because of a lack of sexual attraction.
What about a woman who has changed her sex? Would you be unwilling to have an amorous relationship with her prior to the operation, but you’d be OK with it afterwards?
What about a woman who wants to have a sex-change and feels, thinks and acts like a man (whatever that is), but is majorly iatrophobic (is that the word for someone who’s afraid of doctors?) and so doesn’t dare to go through with the surgery?
Not quite the same thing. A relationship with an unavailable person will cause trouble and pain, no matter the gender(s) of the people involved.
I’m not gay. I’m not straight. I try to go through life open-eyed in pursuit of happiness. I’ve found it, and she’s female. Since I do find females more physically attractive, I’m happy that she is, but if she’d been male, we’d be together anyway.