I think that’s the point. They were touched because you did something extraordinary. The attitude demonstrated in the OP was very much one of expectation: these men saw it as the women’s duty was to serve them. The sense I got was they they viewed it as their right to be served, not a privilege.
I can see why you would be proud of your grandparents. They flouted many well-established cultural conventions of that time, likely at some risk to their own social/economic standing. It is very difficult to cast aside social conventions and do the right thing (I wouldn’t have encouraged beating the guy but understand it within the context of your story) oftentimes because we are so conditioned to the way things ARE that we fail to see the way they SHOULD be. I grew up with very openly racist parents. It took me many years to cast aside the ignorance that they raised me to consider as normal, and every now and then I still stumble across residual traces that I didn’t know were still a part of me.
To return to OP question, I do fix a plate for my husband. He really appreciates that I cook for and serve him a nice meal (on weekends, anyway… I work longer hours than he does, and he cooks for our son during weekdays). I do not feel any less an accomplished, equal partner. I love him, I enjoy showing that in ways that he appreciates. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than that.
I dish up every meal I cook and always have. My other half would usually only plates second helpings for himself.
If we were at a buffet, I wouldn’t plate his meal unless he was tending to a child or otherwise incapacitated and couldn’t easily manage it himself. In that situation, it’s actually more likely that he would do it for me, or was back when our son was an infant and I was always holding him.
To be fair, it was my SISTERS who were pressuring my stepdaughter and my cousin’s girlfriend to make up plates.
It would depend on specific circumstances, but it would also have nothing to do with his maleness or his SOness; I would get him a plate in exactly the same circumstances as I would get anyone there a plate. Say, one of my friends just wanted some more potato salad and didn’t want to cut in line/jostle for space to get it, if she asked I’d grab some for her on my way through. Or if the host/ess was preoccupied with other hosting duties and asked me to grab them a plate, I also would do that for her/him. If I was getting up to go to the table already, if anyone asked “Hey, can you grab me a roll, too?” I would do so, because hey, I’m already up there.
So yes, I would be nice to people. No, I would not automatically act in a servile manner to anyone without them having a reasonable reason why they can’t do it their damn selves. If it’s the start of the buffet and everyone is going through the line, it wouldn’t even occur to me to make anyone but myself a plate; if I can wait in line, then so can you. SOs are absolutely included in this.
Never have done so except when my ex had a broken leg and couldn’t put any weight on it. But I have never done so otherwise and don’t intend to start.
Male and single so I didn’t vote, but in the scenario as described I would not expect someone else to fetch my food.
Growing up it was always the way that whoever cooked the meal would dish up (or plate up) for everyone. I’d only ever seen the notion of everyone sitting round the table getting their own food from big communal platters and bowls in American TV.
My mum still does that, even at Xmas when we have a family gathering, except now I help her with the cooking and dishing up. Nowdays because my kids are adults and we all eat at different times, I cook the food and yell out that it’s cooked and everyone gets what they want when they want it.
The notion that it’s the womans job to plate up for her man while all the food is sitting there waiting is just a lot sexist.
I do but only because my husband is disabled. If he were able-bodied, he’d get his own. Or starve.
Not a female, but my wife and I sorta switch off as a courtesy, not a custom. Sometmes I make her a plate and vice versa.
If I am making dinner, I make everyone a plate so I make her’s by default.
If it’s a party, it just depends. If she is busy talking to friends, she might ask me to get something (“Oooh, they have those little nibblies that I like. Grab me some and a glass of wine.”). If the hockey game is on, I might ask her to throw a couple slices of pizza and some wings on a plate for me.
I’m not sure it’s 50/50 either way, but it’s mutual enough to not have to keep score.
I’m a male but just wanted to chime in my wife and I will make each other’s plates it all depends on who has the kiddos at the moment or who is busy catching up/talking to folks.
I voted “HELL no.” I’m from California, and I’ve never even heard of this. The spouse and I get our own food–we like different things, so I wouldn’t even be sure I’d be getting him what he wants. It’s not that I’d object to bringing him something if I was going that way anyway, but he wouldn’t object to bringing me something either. It’s certainly not a gender thing. If he ever implied that he thought it was a woman’s job to serve a man, he’d have to hang on for a few minutes while I laughed my ass off before I replied. Fortunately, he would laugh as hard as I would at this concept. We make a good couple.
Both aren’t contradictory. Did you have meals with his family? I’d lay down money that they follow the “one person serves everybody” model.
I wouldn’t get a plate for my husband because he’s a perfectly capable adult who can make his own choices. Now, if I’m going to get a piece of cake, I’ll gladly bring him one also, but he knows what he’s in the mood for and how much he wants to eat.
Of course, if he can’t get around himself, that’s another story…
If I did that for the Divemaster he’d be like, ‘WTH?’
And on top of that, the man likes desserts that I wouldn’t get near with a generous bribe offered: coconut sprinkled anything, pies that have cherry and blueberries or*::shudder:: *peaches in them! :eek:
I think the point stands. It just means the women there had already accepted that unfortunate social hierarchy as the norm.
I voted sometimes. If I’m cooking dinner, I plate it up the first helping, mostly because I watch my portions pretty closely so I know exactly how much I want and if he did it, he’d fill the entire plate. But in general, we each get what we want.
His sister got married a few weeks ago and I made his plate at the buffet. At the time he was carrying his young niece, so it was partly out of necessity, but I’ll admit that I also did it partially to impress his (super conservative) mom. She’s a tough cookie. But it worked.
We have servants so i never do so
I’m from the South. I see women making plates for their children, but not for their SO’s.
I usually end up doing this for my wife, rather than the opposite.
I voted “hell no” just for the emphasis. Mr. Beata would question why I would fill a plate for him. How would I know what foods or what amount he feels like eating? I gladly retrieve seconds or desserts for elderly relatives, or those close by me.