Strange Junk E-mail

I received this in my work e-mail box today. I’ve never had any spam here before, but this more than made up for it. It’s part German, and as you can see, the English ain’t so hot. Sure is weird, though.
From: The Messiah comes <Caramba538@compuserve.de> Add Address
Subject: Signs from God
Date: Sun, 8 Jun 2003 09:41:09

[In this space is a drawing of a white star of david over a black background. The wording says “The Last Judgment. Signs from god. Jesus Christ Son of god King of the Jews. The Messiah comes.”]

Message (Botschaft)

http://www.messiah.comes.de.ms

Signs from God. The Messiah comes. We have the end of the World

Signs from God. The Messiah comes. We have the end of the World and already 3th World war. The Mankind faces the Doom and as well the biggest ever experienced Holocaust. Each second Humanbeing ends up in the Pond of Fire. If the Messiah is not coming now (Jesus Christ, Son of God, King of the Jews), God will come as Devil-and Germany brought the entire Mankind into Hell. Owing to the Brandenburger Nazigate in Berlin every Human will be punished as hard as Adolf Hitler. That means Hell forever:Final Solution (Endloesung)

Everyone who doesn’t call Mankind into Paradise has got at least the same much Guilt and Dirt at putting like Adolf Hitler an will be punished just as hard. The USA was sworn in to the Bible and is liable with the Final Solution (Endloesung) Death on the Cross forever-

The one who supports Wholesole murderers and Traitors- like especially the USA and other Countries did towards Germany-will be executed as Wholesale murderers and Traitors and sent to the Pond of Fire. Laughing Third Persons are even hardest punished by God.

[There’s a pretty odd picture here.]

Since the USA bombed the Cradle of Mankind (The Gulf-War USA and Irak),is the entire Mankind condemned to Hell.When Gods Children are getting bombed,pays the Mankind with the Eternal Penalty. That includes also the USA. The Iraq is the Cradle of_Mankind,_Tigris Euphrat the Beginning of the Bible. Adam and Eve. The one whos the Worldpower Number 1- as it happens to the USA-has got the Main Responsibility for the whole Mankind and is liable now even with the Final Solution. Death at the Cross- Hell forever.

If the USA belief that they could make War on their own account- then they have to count with the eternal Punishment. The USA bombed once before the Cradle of Mankind (1991 Irak) and is already condemned to Hell. But for to make a War needs the USA the Permission of God himself. Which will never be granted.

The Brandenburger Nazigate in Berlin is the Hellgate of Mankind and must be pulled down immediately

[Picture of the Reichstag building here, I think.]

Germany turned with the Brandenburger Nazigate Got to Devil-Germany is therefore Nation of Kain and High Treason and brought the entire Mankind into Doom.

Germany has got the Worldpower to bring the entire Mankind into Hell if the Brandenburger Nazigate in Berlin is not pulled down immediately and if there will hot be atoned for the second Worldwar. The USA must be careful that they don’t come into Hell completely in because the reunion of Nazi-Germany. Who Protects Wholesale murderers and High Traitors like the USA did for Decades, will be executed as Wholesale murderer and as one guilty of High Treason and ends up in the Pond of Fire. The USA raised Nazi-Germany and is liable now for the reunited Nazi-Germany. Germany made an Oath to God and the Leader of the Nazis. That means everything what Germany does falls back to God-Germany caused with that its own Sentence. Which is Death on the Cross and Hell forever. That is now reputed even for entire Mankind. If it would be up to Germany the Mankind would be in Hell already and lost forever. Hence The Mankind must be called now into Paradise. Before a War even takes Place. Anything else means Wholesale murder and High Treason. The condemnation for that is Hell forever.

The USA have got now the Main responsibility for the entire Mankind, and with it also for Germany. The one with the biggest Power must also account for it to God. So the USA is liable for the Final Solution Death on the Cross Hell forever.Jesus Christ is a Diamond,is our Redeemer-can release us from the Guilt and save entire Mankind from Downfall.

Sign from God is no Advertising,but a Message and is reputed for entire Mankind.

http://www.mose.de.ms

[Over here is a photo of Dubya Bush, with the text “Prasident Oil sheikh.”]

The Blind ones lead the Blind ones and all of you will fall into the Black Hole, into the eternal Fire. Final Solution (Endloesung)

_

THIS EMAIL IS NOT SPAM [I was quite relieved to read this.]

_

Sign from God is the last Key to Paradise and has to be spread Worldwide,becouse Mankind faces the last Judgement and _is threatened to leave the Earth.Sign from God is the Salvation.

Everyone who doesn’t call Mankind into Paradise has got at least the same much Guilt and Dirt at putting like Adolf Hitler an will be punished just as hard. That means Hell forever:Final Solution (Endloesung)

Signed The Apostle Abraham cradle of mankind

Abraham3@directbox.com
Anybody else here gotten any really weird spam?

Well, not at my “work” inbox, as I’m self-employed.

However, that being said, I get weird spam all the time. My personal favorites are the ones telling me:

  1. How to find another lover. The implication is that I currently have a lover, which I don’t. I’m single and looking. Applications currently being accepted.

  2. How to increase my bust size.

  3. How to make her gag on my big c#ck.

  4. How to make a lot of money. These places always amuse me because they generally misspell the word “they’re.” I got one earlier today reading “There holding a check for you.”

I get Nigerian/South African/Other Country Scams a lot, plus “Hey, we’re waiting for you”. If it’s an innocuous-enough heading and I don’t recognize the email address as being something like hotslutzzlickbigdix@sexypussy.suk, I’ll give it a shot…

Which invariably leads to me seeing some random hairless (except for her head) chick with some random guy’s dick inside her (they never show the ball sac … is it taped up, or what?). And a steering wheel. Evidently the en vogue voyeur style involves a steering wheel.

I never look long enough to figure out what they’re going to do with said steering wheel, mind you.

Of course, I get plenty of porn mail myself - and a lot of it offers girls with barnyard animals. Does anybody really want to see this???

The subject titles are often the best part.

“The Catalog Industry is EXPLODING!!!”

“EXPLODE your business by accepting credit cards!”

For some reason I find those funny.

Wow, things were hard for Mick Foley right from the start.

<ducks> Well, it was the best joke I could come up with!

Wrestlemania?