God, these are funny!
I have one to share. First off it must be known that I do computer tech support over the phone.
My SO and I were napping one evening on the bed, both dead to the world. She was waking up and her legs were asleep and she couldnt move them. She shook me and said, "My legs are dead." My response? "Where did you get your leg drivers from??"One of my college roommates once asked me to be sure he woke up for a nine am class (which he used to occasionally skip) because he had a test that day. When I tried to wake him up that morning, he told me that he was going to skip class that day. When I reminded him about the test he said, “No, the test is [one of his afternoon classes].” I asked him if he was sure, he insisted the test was in the afternoon, so I went to my class.
I didn’t see him again until that evening; when he saw me he immediately started bitching at me for letting him oversleep and miss his class. I reminded him of our conversation that morning. He had no recollection of it.
I later said I should have known he was still asleep because he never spoke that coherently in the morning.
My wife and I both talk in our sleep. One time I had been playing Armored Core, which is a big fighting robot game. In my sleep I was taking off my ring and putting it on the nightstand just as she was getting up to go to the bathroom. She asked me what I was doing and I said, “I have to trade it in for a lighter one with more ammo.” Sometimes when we’re both asleep we have nonsensical conversations, and one or the other of us will half-remember what was mumbled the next morning.
My 10th grade history class (this was only about a month ago) was watching a not-very-exciting video on the Great Depression. The lights were off. I was sleep deprived. I checked out in about a minute.
I tend to flinch and wake up when I’m dozing. In bed this is not a problem unless I kick the wall. In a school desk it’s a little more of a problem.
I suddenly realized I was falling asleep. I flinched violently, kicking the legs of the desk and smashing my knees into the metal box-type thing on the top. It was very loud. The girls on either side of me screamed. I dazedly looked around to find the whole class staring at me. I muttered, “Uhh. Um. I must have tripped or something.” It took about five minutes to realize that what I had said had made no sense at all.
I once had a looong conversation with an ex-gf on the phone were she was falling asleep. It as weird. It was like because she was asleep she just lost her will to to not answer my question.
She told me things about her current bf that would’ve gotten me beaten up if I had asked her at any other time. Has anyone else had an experience like this?
Back when I was in university, my boyfriend was staying over at my place after we had had a party. My own roommate was away for the weekend, and because of that, friends were passed out in my bedroom room and Mark and I were sleeping on the living room fold down couch. We wind down and sleep arond 2 or 230.
About 4 am I get shook awake to find him kneeling on the floor, talking about “witness relocation” and “changing identities to protect us”
I say “Mark, wake up, make sense”
“it will make sense if you do as I say. Dont ask questions. Its a matter of planetary security.”
“Wake up. You’re babbling”
Then he goes “don’t look back. Just keep running…” and yanks me off the couch. I get up to grab my blankets and get back to sleep and I discover he had vomitted all over his side of bed and blankets…
Well, I “witnessed” the crime and I relocated…into roommate’s bed… (single and empty.). Mark got to sleep in the chair that night.
“The french fries are calling my name.”
Um, yes I was on a diet at the time. :embarrassed:
One weekend morning, my wife got up with the kid and proceeded to make breakfast. Shecame back into the room to wake me so that I could go eat. After lightly shaking she said I jumped up, and with a terrified look in my eyes, and yelled, “Please don’t eat me!”
Also, she used to sell magazine subscriptions over the phone and had a script that she had to read. Occassionally she would start reciting from the script out loud in the middle of the night and I, being half asleep myself, would answer like I was actually on the phone with someone selling me magazines.
Apparently I some times speak German in my sleep. I should try and record it some time to see if I speak it better in my sleep.
Also some times when I’m just waking up and tehre are other people that are already up around I say: “fuck”… roll over “shit”… roll over “fuck”… You get the idea. I think it’s because the other people doing things are preventing me from sleeping well. Apparently I alternate between fuck and shit and never say one twice in a row. Also they say I don’t mutter any other obscenities except those.
My roomate tells me that one night last year, she got home late, turned on the light, and I sat up and yelled “SWEDISH SURPRISES!” at the top of my lungs, and then went right back to sleep.
My boyfriend and I are just full of these, though…the only thing is that they’re pretty hard to remember, since we’re both usually half asleep when it happens. The only one I can recall with absolute certainty was the time when I was playing EverQuest before I went to sleep (I play a cleric–a class that heals other players.) I had been talking to him about the game before he fell asleep, and when I climbed into bed, I hugged him, and he rolled over and said “thanks for the heals.”
Maybe this is only funny if you play EverQuest, but I laughed about that for ten minutes. 
When I was a freshman in college my roommate had two brothers, whom I had met. One day he was getting up for an early class and just before he left I sat up and told him: “You know, your brothers think they’re peanuts.” Then I went back to sleep.
He came back after class and asked if I remembered what I had said.
“Certainly. Your brothers think they are peanuts.”
“And what does that mean?”
Of course, I had no idea.