Strict Catholicism - Healthy or Freaky? - long

In My Humble Opinion
1

I started seeing a girl a few months ago who is a strict Catholic. She is the most giving, kind-hearted, sincere, nicest, and most fun girl that I’ve known and we’re having a great time. She should be the poster child for the Catholic Religion. And she’s gorgeous.

I was raised Catholic but had a negative experience (as many do) and cannot stand mass and won’t sit through one (except weddings and funerals). I have seen the Catholic Church at its worst through molestation scandals that went unexposed in the parish I was raised in. That knowledge, coupled with all of the Catholic priest molestation scandals exposed in the recent past convinced me that the problem is much more prevalent than what meets the eye, and that for every scandal that comes to light there are several that remain unexposed. You may take offense to that, but to me, it’s the obvious truth, especially since it hits so close to home. Also, while at church, it seems to me that the majority of the people don’t even want to be there. Then I feel kind of like a Nazi having to stand up, sit down, kneel, and then mindlessly parrot a bunch of words that you say at given moments of mass. It kind of freaks me out, and I get nothing but bad vibes from the whole experience. Also, I had it shoved down my throat for 18 years, so that obviously didn’t make me like it any more. I had to deal with the guilt that they use so effectively (that my parents compounded).

But I realize that a lot of people get a lot out of the mass and the religion, and that there a lot of amazing people that take it really seriously. I have met three priests that were truly awesome and giving people, like how you’d think a priest is supposed to be. But I’ve also met a few child molesters and a wide variety of asshole priests as well. Also, I’ve met many Catholics that are very self-righteous, which to me is the most annoying character flaw one can have.

Which brings me back to this girl. Despite her conservative Catholic views, she is extremely open-minded and does not hold my beliefs against me. She doesn’t try to get me to go to church with her, and doesn’t think that I’m going to hell since I don’t believe in Catholicism. We’ve debated over religious issues many times, and most times agree to disagree. I will point out some inconsistencies, and then she’ll “research” them to find out the truth. The only problem is that she researches within Catholic books in Catholic libraries; it’s hardly objective. She didn’t like when I suggested to her that she wasn’t really researching, but reading propaganda (which may be too harsh of a word, but it’s inherently non-objective). Some of the Catholic reasoning sounds ridiculous to me, such as the explanation behind papal infallibility (as a human he can fault, but the chair is infallible and therefore any official pope actions are infallible).

And this girl is extremely Catholic. She attends mass and confession several times a week, teaches a Catholic girl’s group, attends Bible study once a week, visits elderly nuns in a convent all the time, attends spontaneous Catholic rituals (May crowning yesterday). She considered being a nun, but was told by God that she’s supposed to be a mom and raise a family. Her apartment is filled with religious pictures and statues and prayer cards.

Now I respect her views, especially since she doesn’t throw them at me, and I enjoy the debates we get into. However, I can’t help but feel that part of her devotion is attributed to unnecessary guilt placed on her shoulders from Catholicism, which I think is unhealthy. I also think that there is a unique phenomenon involved with religion in which the more you challenge someone’s faith, the more resolute they become despite any legitimate challenges. Logic seems to go out the door and they get to become psuedo-martyrs. Anything that can’t be explained is dealt with through “The Lord works in mysterious ways” and “you need to have more faith” and “you need to believe as a child would believe.”

I have a few reasons for posting this novel. First of all, things are going so well with girl that I can’t help but ponder a future together, but this is just too much religion for me. I don’t want to use natural family planning (that’s what she wants) because I don’t want religion dictating my sex life and deciding how many children I have (which would be a lot if using NFP since it doesn’t work). I have an opportunity to move to another part of the country in the fall, and I’m going, but I would consider staying with her instead if it wasn’t for these issues because we are perfect for each other in every other way!

So I’d like all of your opinions on the issue. This message board is full of intelligent people from all creeds. Do you think that it is healthy to be that Catholic? Am I making too big a deal of this? Do any of you see where I’m coming from? I mentioned earlier her studies in “propaganda.” Do any of you know of any good books that debate these issues that were not written to reaffirm Catholic faith, but legitimately debate opposing sides to Catholic issues? I anxious to hear read your opinions. Thank you if you made it to the end, I appreciate it!

2

Pardon? Would you say a court session is “freaky”. What about a ball game? All of them have something akin to mass as you put it.

In all honesty, I think the one with the problem here is you…

3

Heres my 2cents,
I think that asking her to choose between her devotion to her religon and you is only going to end bad. If you can’t take it, there is going to be a problem. I forsee many problems in the future if you decide to have children, I don’t see you two agreeing on how they should be raised. Now I could be wrong, but I think that you are going to have to take her like she is or not at all.

4

I’d say the problem is yours, not hers. You said yourself that she’s not trying to make you attend Mass, etc. If you can’t live with her level of faith, then you need to drop the relationship, not try to change her. BTW - I believe NFP works well as long as you can abide by the restrictions. But your issues go way beyond that. If you can’t reconcile them, then you’re probably both better off not together. Let her find a nice Catholic boy to settle down with.

StG

5

It doesn’t matter if it is healthy or freaky. You aren’t going to turn her from her beliefs or convince her they are freaky just like she isn’t going to convert you or convince you Catholicism is healthy.

Most religions can be either very healthy or very freaky depending on the person. From what you have described your girlfriend sounds healthy to me.

You are the one who seems to have some unresolved issues with the Catholic church which could be called “freaky”. I am a complete nonbeliever but I can handle sitting through a mass without bad vibes or feeling like a Nazi.

6

I don’t consider my issues to be unresolved, I condsider them to be completely resolved. I don’t view myself in terms of “absence of faith” because that implies that catholic faith is desirable, and I don’t desire it.

I appreciate your views. And I forsee the same problems that you do. Unfortunately, issues such as mentioned above are not really “compromisable.” It would be hard to find a middle ground in how to raise your kids and whether or not to use NFP. “every other month we’ll use NFP . . .”

My “Nazi” comment didn’t go over real well! But may I ask you this: when you chime in on all of the parts of the mass when the congregation speaks, are you honestly thinking about the words that are coming out of your mouth? Or do you mindlessly say them along with everyone else?

7

I’ve always felt that religion is a highly personal issue. What you believe and the way you incorporate it into your life is a decision you make yourself. Even if that decision is obviously weighted by someone else’s opinions and guidance, and even if you’re easily swayed and influenced, the fact is, it remains a personal choice. As such, what works for one won’t necessarily work for another.

My mother is a devout Catholic. My late father was in a Jesuit seminary for a short while before deciding he didn’t have the call. My inlaws are devout Southern Baptists. I’m pretty sure they’re all upset that neither my husband nor I are church members, but they don’t raise the issue. They live their lives in accordance with their beliefs. They’re stricter than some in their respective faiths and less so than others. It’s very personal. It works for each of them. I’d not use healthy or freaky to describe any of them.

Your friend has made her choice - I see nothing unhealthy about it. I didn’t embrace Catholicism the same way, but that’s not the issue, is it? It seems to me neither of you is likely to change any time soon. I can’t see a future here beyond friendship.

8

I don’t say the words at all because I am not Catholic. Most of my family is Catholic but unlike you I did not grow up in the church. I have probably attended less then ten masses in my life.

9

I agree that, in this case, the problem lies with the OP.

WHile he SAYS “I respect her beliefs,” it’s clear that he doesn’t. If he respected her beliefs in the least, he wouldn’t be asking a group of strangers to confirm his suspicion that they’re “freaky” or that she must have been brainwashed/manipulated into going to church.

SHE isn’t trying to convert the OP, but it’s very clear that he’s hell-bent on converting her.

10

I’m a practicing Catholic, and I’m honestly thinking about them.
Like I said in your Great Debates thread, I think it’s great that you and your girlfriend respect each other and your different beliefs. In order to make the relationship last in the long run, however, I think you need to discuss all these points of conflict (e.g., birth control) openly and thoroughly before contemplating marriage.

11

Actually, that is not the case at all. It’s not an immediate issue since obviously any sort of marriage/birth control issues are far in the future (I respect her desire to wait until marriage – sex is not my reason for dating her). But I’ve been put in a time crunch since I may be leaving in the fall, and I’m trying to work out in my head the logistics of the relationship working.

We do discuss these things openly, and have discussed NFP at great length. A poster in the Great Debates MB explained some details of NFP that I was unaware of that really opened my mind to the idea - I always thought it was the calendar deal, but apparently not. I have friends that successfully use NFP, they just didn’t call it that.

As far as being “hellbent on converting her,” that’s not accurate. But since we do debate these issues (very respectfully, mind you – often preface statements with “I don’t mean to offend you, but . . .”), I often feel like my points are not sufficiently made since she can go find a biased source to affirm her beliefs, and I think that more objectivity is in order.

Also, specifically to astorian, it is clear to me that my post was not to affirm that she is “freaky” or “brainwashed.” Maybe you didn’t see the lines “Am I making too big a deal of this?” and “Do any of you see where I am coming from?”

Or maybe you missed the part where I specifically said the intent of my post: “So I’d like all of your opinions on the issue. This message board is full of intelligent people from all creeds.”

And, “I have an opportunity to move to another part of the country in the fall, and I’m going, but I would consider staying with her instead if it wasn’t for these issues because we are perfect for each other in every other way!” To me it is obvious that I’m trying to make things work rather than find reasons why it won’t.

It’s funny, if you go to the Great Debates message board (where this was posted originally –should have left it there) the replies were much kinder and open minded and actaully debated the issues a little more. Somehow I struck a nerve on IMHO, because the replies are far more negative! Which is legitamate and should be expected due to the bitter overtones in my original post. But I can’t help that I had those experiences, and my opinions are just as valid as anyone elses, and I do have a leg to stand on since I went through 12 years of Catholic education.

But thank you for the replies – they have been extremely helpful – looking forward to hear what the rest of you think!

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run.

now.

:dubious:
seriously, and i’m speaking as a churching-going cafeteria-style Catholic*-- some relationships can surmount and survive a major divergence of viewpoints on a Big Topic. but i tend to believe that one that has such deep and personal roots as religion is likely to be, if not a deal-breaker, then an ongoing source of stress and conflict between you two if you stay together.

others have already pointed out the problems of not being able to agree on how the kids will be raised, or even if/how birth control is incorporated. those have GOT … REPEAT GOT … to be ironed out beforehand, unless you have some particular yearning to live in an emotional armed camp for your married life.

*for my purposes, “cafeteria-style” Catholic means someone who believes a good deal, possibly a majority, of the Catholic dogma, but chooses to disregard or not accept pronouncements that fly in the face of my own personally-reasoned positions. i have no problem with birth control or abortions; am highly dubious at best about the doctrine of papal infallibility, Perpetual Virginity, blahblahblah. my husband is more, hmmm, enthusiastic in his following of the church than i, yet still finds certain pronouncements unacceptable. (me, it’s probably as much habit as anything.) also for my purposes only, anyone who has been told directly by God Himself that they are “mommy-only” material is someone i’d watch very, very warily (also probably causing me to back out of any room they occupy, slowly, maintaining eye contact at all times). :eek:

lachesis

this post was NOT prepared in a sarcasm-free zone!

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gallows fodder,

I am extremely intrigued by what you have to say being that you seem very similar to my girlfriend, and I think that I could learn a lot about her through your insights. I was extremely impressed with your response and admissions on the Great Debates MB; you also are very devout and very open-minded.

So I have some questions I’d like to ask you to give me an insight into how your faith affects you and why you believe. This is not meant remotely to challenge you, I really am interested in understanding. And, these questions may be too personal, so sorry if they are. If you’d rather e-mail me should you decide to answer, that would be just great.

Were you raised Catholic? Have you always been as devout as you are today? My girlfriend has always been religious, but this new catholic fervor has onset within the last 3 years.

How is it that you know Catholicism to be true? Have you always known? Did you have some sort of religious experience that really made you believe?

What especially intrigued me about your original post was how you described your faith as the framework through which you see everything, because that describes her faith to the core. She agrees with all Catholic dogma; she truly has adopted it as the truth and believes unconditionally. Although I cannot think in that manner, there is something extremely attractive to her devotion. I think it is a big part of her personality, and part of the reason why she is so patient and caring and all that.

Does God speak to you? How do you know what He/She is trying to tell you? Is it through signs; is it a state of mind that you get; does he literally talk to you, or literally through dreams? Although I am not Catholic, I think that I have a great relationship with God, although I don’t pray in the traditional sense. I just live how I think I was supposed to and try to be a good person, and when I need something I ask, but I also do a great deal of thanking God whenever I feel it is appropriate, which is quite often. Then I don’t feel guilty when asking for favors, because He knows that I am thankful and respectful. I think that I receive signs; nothing blatant, but many things in my life seem to have happened for a reason and at times things hve just worked out too well for there not to have been some sort of divine intervetion.

I have a very positive opinion of God. In fact, one of my problems with Catholicism is the alternative to heaven that is taught: that is where the guilt comes in. To me, God is too loving to let any of us burn in hell. He created us in his image, and wants us to be with him in the afterlife according to Catholicism. Would you let anyone you love spend an eternity in agony? I wouldn’t. I can see an evil killer or something, but not someone who is just the average Joe on the street who doesn’t really hurt anyone. Or all of the people that have never even been exposed to Catholicism. I also can’t see how anyone can believe in one true religion being that there are so many and they all believe theirs is the one true religion! I don’t think God is vindictive and I don’t see myself going anywhere but heaven, assuming it exists (debate for another time!).

Does your faith make you happy? Do you feel awesome when you receive Eucharist? Personally, I never felt any different afterwards, and always kind of felt disappointed. I guess that Eucharist is the cornerstone of Catholicism, but it goes right over my head. I just can’t make myself believe that it is literally the body and blood of Christ. There is nothing physically different. It’s very hard to believe, especially since absolutely nothing changes in me. Have you ever struggled with that one? Do you feel absolved after confession?

I’m just trying to get a better understanding of a faith that I was raised in but never understood or even really liked for that matter. I realize I asked you insanely personal questions, so please don’t feel obligated to answer. And as I mentioned before, feel free to e-mail me if it would be easier that way (not to ruin the thread, but I’m really curious to know). My e-mail is rhinostylee@yahoo.com.

Thank you all for your responses! I am really glad that I posted, as I have read so many valid opinions and am feeling very confident about the situation.

14

I think I know where you’re coming from. Frankly, I wonder why there’s religion at all. Haven’t people seen the light yet? I questioned these things in second grade! Well, not everyone agrees with me, of course. They questioned and came up with different answers.

I was raised Protestant, but I think that if I was raised Catholic like my husband was, I would have come up with different answers myself. For one thing, they actually do have answers. I don’t know if I had unusually poorly-trained Sunday School teachers, or if this is official Presbyterian doctrine, but I had a Sunday School teacher tell me that all babies were sinners (except JC, of course) because they cry instead of waiting patiently for Mom to tend to their needs. Even as a young kid, that sounded like a big load of BS to me. Babies cry because they can’t talk. Is it really a sin to ask for what you need? Come on! However, if that woman had told me that babies are sinners because of the original sin of Adam and Eve–well, that might have made sense to me. Going to a Catholic Mass to receive the body and blood of Jesus Christ makes a whole lot more sense, in a way, than going to church just so that the pastor can lecture at you for an hour. (If there was more point to it than that, it was not apparent to me.) So, you can see how I may have come to a different conclusion about religion had I been raised differently. As an adult, however, it isn’t like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and think, “Gee, birth control really is a bad idea, and I’m a bad person for using it,” among other things. I came to different conclusions about those things.

So, your upbringing, personality, experiences, etc., caused you to come to a much different conclusion about the Catholic Church than your girlfriend did. This doesn’t mean that you are wrong, or that she is wrong. However, she isn’t likely to wake up in the morning and say, “It’s all a sham!”

And, yeah, she’s going to find answers about her belief within her belief. What sort of “objective” source do you expect her to use? You? It isn’t like there’s one big Book of Absolute Truth out there, is it? (We could get rid of the Great Debates forum if there were.)

It seems to me that you, who feels that you were pressured into church as a child by unhealthy amounts of guilt, have trouble fathoming that other people might have different motivations for being there.

IMO, if you are going to be involved in a religion, why not really be involved in it, and get what you need out of it? The people who just parrot the words and look like they don’t want to be there seem more freaky, in a way, than the people who go all out like the OP’s girlfriend.

Last Easter, my husband’s family came to visit. This is right after we bought our house, so we went to a new church. My in-laws and my husband were shocked, dismayed, etc. to find that, in this church, they actually dunked your head under for baptism rather than just sprinkling a little water. :eek: I told my husband, “it’s all freaky to me–what makes that more freaky? What’s the difference?” He couldn’t even really tell me. However, he found a different church shortly afterwards. Is this the sort of reaction you are having to your girlfriend’s beliefs? If so, it might be better to break it off. You aren’t likely to ever change her mind, after all. (Similarly, lachesis, you are supposed to believe that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, and, yet, if he talks to you, that’s “too weird”? I told you, I don’t really get this religion stuff after all.)

15

A favorite pasttime of mine is confronting Jesus Freaks and Bible Thumpers. Your girlfriend seems like neither. She sounds like a devout person who has her head screwed on pretty straight. I have no issue with people who have the strength of their convictions as long as that is tempered with an open enough mind to allow for other people’s opinions (as seems to be the case here).

That you have open theological debates is good. When she goes to research a topic so should you. If she is coming back at you with propaganda then show her other people’s thinking on the topic and hopefully show her that maybe their opinions have more merit if you can show they don’t have an agenda (or at least less of an agenda).

It all sounds good to me but the future may be problematical. If you went so far as to marry this woman how do you feel about Pre Cana (which you will undoubtedly have to do if you expect to be married by a priest)? Of more particular note is how would you expect your children to be raised (assuming you had any)? The children would be the biggest stumbling block I foresee as she would likely want to indoctrinate the kids far past a point you’d be comfortable with. As long as it’s just the two of you it seems like you can learn to ‘agree to disagree’ with each other and be happy.

In the end it seems like you have a few issues to work out and you are fortunate that you have a woman who seems willing to discuss these topics openly and reasonably. Settle the issues with sex and children and I think you have something very worthwhile here. Just realize that compromise should come from both parties and not be onesided either way.

Best of luck!

16

What do I think?

It’s not going to work out in the long run. I am a lapsed Catholic here (Well, I sort still believe in some things, but there are just too many issues I have with the church to really become a practicing one again).

I disagree with most of what she believes, but I can respect it. However, in my case, if it were a guy I liked, and I was thinking about getting serious-I couldn’t do it, because it’s just too fundamentally different from what I believe.

Good luck!
(Maybe Mel Gibson has a relative she could marry?)

17

Another Catholic person checking in. I’m going to try to address the specific questions you raised in your OP.

*Do you think that it is healthy to be that Catholic? *
I’m trying to figure out what I would consider a “freaky” amount of Catholicosity. She seems to be on the healthy side to me – she’s participating out of her own free will, which is key. Granted, I’m assuming she was raised Catholic, but if she didn’t care for it, as an adult she’s certainly able to leave, or at least cut down her participation. I know family, especially parents, can put pressure on even adult children to stay with the church, but from your post I didn’t get any sense that she feels overly obligated or pressured into her religion.

Also, she sounds like a great person. It’s not as if she’s using Catholicism for an excuse to torment people with different religious beliefs. Her many good qualities might be part of her natural disposition, but they’re all in keeping with the best parts of Catholic teaching as well – willingness to give to others, kindness, etc.

*Am I making too big a deal of this? *
I can really see why you’re thinking a lot on it – with a potential cross country move in your future, and in general being at the point in a relationship where you’re trying to figure out if you both want to become more committed.

Another question I have (and I’ll pretend it’s in the interest of examining your questions, but in reality it’s also a lot of good old-fashioned curiosity!) is: what does she think the future has in store for you as a couple?

Do any of you see where I’m coming from?
To be honest, kinda but not really. I definitely agree it’s a serious issue, and I think it’s a natural that you’re pondering it. However, I also think you’re a little focused on her Catholicism as a thing in and of itself, as opposed to the fact that the two of you have very different views on a major lifestyle issue, which really could be a lot of things and in your case it just happens to be religion.

I thought this was particularly interesting:

However, I can’t help but feel that part of her devotion is attributed to unnecessary guilt placed on her shoulders from Catholicism, which I think is unhealthy.

Why do you feel this? Is it because of something she has said, such as “you know, I just feel so guilty and miserable when I skip Mass, so I go even though I don’t really want to” which I would agree is a bit alarming. Or do you feel that people in general display devotion to displace feelings of guilt?

If it’s the second, all I can say is that in my opinion, people who are devoted to any particular religion probably are that way for a variety of reasons, and for some people, it may be guilt and for others it might be a lot of other reasons, such as honest enjoyment and emotional satisfaction from their participation. I would also say it’s probably very difficult for anyone to make this assessment of another person, regardless of what religion is being discussed.

I mentioned earlier her studies in “propaganda.” Do any of you know of any good books that debate these issues that were not written to reaffirm Catholic faith, but legitimately debate opposing sides to Catholic issues?

I’m sorry I can’t help you with this. I’m not sure what specific issues you’re debating, but for many Catholics, there’s not much interest in finding “proof” of various beliefs, because, well, there’s not proof for most religious beliefs. That’s why it’s called faith. By looking at Catholic sources, she might be trying to demonstrate the history of Catholic belief, why certain things have become doctrine or tradition, and how these things interact with society at large. That’s different from proving them, though.

For what it’s worth, while I’m not as devout as your girlfriend, I am more Catholic now than when I was growing up. Well, I’m not trying to go around judging the strength of anyone’s convictions, but speaking more of the external participation – you know what I mean. Active in the Catholic community, I guess. My parents were raised Catholic, and we were raised Catholic, but not extremely active in the community. I am more active now as an adult, but not so much as your girlfriend. Anyway, I am taking a really long time trying to make the point that the level of involvement differs somewhat from person to person, and some people just naturally come into a different degree of this in adulthood, some more, some less.

18

By the way, Rhino, in case you’re discouraged by the naysayers, my father has always been pretty in-line, and my mother was a Unitarian when she married him. Granted, she converted a few years later, but the point is that differing faiths can co-exist in marriage in the long run.

19

I see where you’re coming from and I don’t think you’re making too big a deal of this at all. This is probably the most fundamentally important aspect of building a life together that there is when one person has extremely strong religious beliefs and the other has completely conflicting ones.

I know of where I speak from personal experience. I’m Jewish and I fell deeply in love with a Catholic man many years ago. We were together for 5 years and were absolutely, positively perfect for one another. We had the best relationship I’d ever had with anyone in my life (until my husband now). It was filled with a deep and abiding love, respect, trust, openness, laughter, pure joy, and a ton of fun!

We thought – silly us – that with all the love and mutual respect we had for one another that it would be no problem creating a home filled with so much love that it would easily accomodate educating our children in both our religious beliefs (they could go to church with their father on Sundays, light the shabbat candles with me on Friday nights, etc.) and let them discover at an appropriate age what felt right to them.

Ha Ha Ha! Talk about naive! When it came down to it and he proposed marriage, I realized how extraordinarily uncomfortable I would be sleeping in his bed with a gigantic, bloody, Jesus nailed to a cross hanging over my head and I asked if he’d mind taking it down. I wasn’t fond of the statue of the virgin Mary on the fireplace or the oil painting of the last supper hanging in the dining room, but I figured I’d have to make allowances for certain things if I wanted to have things like my Channukah menorah on the mantle and a mezzuzah on the front door. The bloody crucifix was just going to have to go, though.

That one simple request got him thinking about things to a much greater extent than he’d obviously done before and he decided that there was no room in his home for any religion besides Catholicism. His children would be raised AS Catholics. Period. End of discussion.

Well that just wasn’t an option for me, so, sadly, I had to end our relationship, even though we were both very much in love.

You may think that that will never happen with the two of you, but mark my words, it will. Based on what information you’ve shared about her in your OP, I can say with 99% certainty that she will never compromise on any issue when it comes to her religion and how her children are raised. It will permeate every aspect of your lives together, whether you think it will or not. Mass every Sunday and every Holy Day (and eventually it’ll break her heart if she has to go alone all the time because you refuse to sit through it with her since it holds not only no meaning to you, but bad feelings on top of it). She won’t settle for telling her children that some people believe X, others believe Y, go read books A, B & C and find what’s right in your heart. You WILL be raising Catholic children. You WILL be teaching them that it’s the one true and right religion in the world. You WILL. She won’t have it any other way.

It’s a sad, sad thing, indeed, when you find someone who is so perfect for you in every way but one, and it’s one as fundamentally important as this. But you will have nothing but heartache if you pursue this relationship any further than it already is, I’m sorry to say. I know, it sucks, doesn’t it? :frowning:

And before anyone gets all frothy, as happened in a thread about mixed religion marriages a while ago (that got so ugly I had to stay out of it for mental health purposes), I’m not saying that both parties must share the same exact beliefs. In fact, I ended up marrying a man who isn’t Jewish. However, he’s also not devoutly Catholic and insisting that I give up who I am for what he is! We reached our own set of compromises before we ever agreed to get married and our lives work wonderfully together.

I just don’t forsee that the relationship as described between the parties in the OP has a snowball’s chance in Tahiti of making it.

My advice is to take the opportunity to move away in the Fall and move on with your life. I do wish you the very best of luck.

20

You have another post stating that you are most likely moving across the country… there’s a cure for your dilemma!