I started seeing a girl a few months ago who is a strict Catholic. She is the most giving, kind-hearted, sincere, nicest, and most fun girl that I’ve known and we’re having a great time. She should be the poster child for the Catholic Religion. And she’s gorgeous.
I was raised Catholic but had a negative experience (as many do) and cannot stand mass and won’t sit through one (except weddings and funerals). I have seen the Catholic Church at its worst through molestation scandals that went unexposed in the parish I was raised in. That knowledge, coupled with all of the Catholic priest molestation scandals exposed in the recent past convinced me that the problem is much more prevalent than what meets the eye, and that for every scandal that comes to light there are several that remain unexposed. You may take offense to that, but to me, it’s the obvious truth, especially since it hits so close to home. Also, while at church, it seems to me that the majority of the people don’t even want to be there. Then I feel kind of like a Nazi having to stand up, sit down, kneel, and then mindlessly parrot a bunch of words that you say at given moments of mass. It kind of freaks me out, and I get nothing but bad vibes from the whole experience. Also, I had it shoved down my throat for 18 years, so that obviously didn’t make me like it any more. I had to deal with the guilt that they use so effectively (that my parents compounded).
But I realize that a lot of people get a lot out of the mass and the religion, and that there a lot of amazing people that take it really seriously. I have met three priests that were truly awesome and giving people, like how you’d think a priest is supposed to be. But I’ve also met a few child molesters and a wide variety of asshole priests as well. Also, I’ve met many Catholics that are very self-righteous, which to me is the most annoying character flaw one can have.
Which brings me back to this girl. Despite her conservative Catholic views, she is extremely open-minded and does not hold my beliefs against me. She doesn’t try to get me to go to church with her, and doesn’t think that I’m going to hell since I don’t believe in Catholicism. We’ve debated over religious issues many times, and most times agree to disagree. I will point out some inconsistencies, and then she’ll “research” them to find out the truth. The only problem is that she researches within Catholic books in Catholic libraries; it’s hardly objective. She didn’t like when I suggested to her that she wasn’t really researching, but reading propaganda (which may be too harsh of a word, but it’s inherently non-objective). Some of the Catholic reasoning sounds ridiculous to me, such as the explanation behind papal infallibility (as a human he can fault, but the chair is infallible and therefore any official pope actions are infallible).
And this girl is extremely Catholic. She attends mass and confession several times a week, teaches a Catholic girl’s group, attends Bible study once a week, visits elderly nuns in a convent all the time, attends spontaneous Catholic rituals (May crowning yesterday). She considered being a nun, but was told by God that she’s supposed to be a mom and raise a family. Her apartment is filled with religious pictures and statues and prayer cards.
Now I respect her views, especially since she doesn’t throw them at me, and I enjoy the debates we get into. However, I can’t help but feel that part of her devotion is attributed to unnecessary guilt placed on her shoulders from Catholicism, which I think is unhealthy. I also think that there is a unique phenomenon involved with religion in which the more you challenge someone’s faith, the more resolute they become despite any legitimate challenges. Logic seems to go out the door and they get to become psuedo-martyrs. Anything that can’t be explained is dealt with through “The Lord works in mysterious ways” and “you need to have more faith” and “you need to believe as a child would believe.”
I have a few reasons for posting this novel. First of all, things are going so well with girl that I can’t help but ponder a future together, but this is just too much religion for me. I don’t want to use natural family planning (that’s what she wants) because I don’t want religion dictating my sex life and deciding how many children I have (which would be a lot if using NFP since it doesn’t work). I have an opportunity to move to another part of the country in the fall, and I’m going, but I would consider staying with her instead if it wasn’t for these issues because we are perfect for each other in every other way!
So I’d like all of your opinions on the issue. This message board is full of intelligent people from all creeds. Do you think that it is healthy to be that Catholic? Am I making too big a deal of this? Do any of you see where I’m coming from? I mentioned earlier her studies in “propaganda.” Do any of you know of any good books that debate these issues that were not written to reaffirm Catholic faith, but legitimately debate opposing sides to Catholic issues? I anxious to hear read your opinions. Thank you if you made it to the end, I appreciate it!