Based upon the subject of her tirades (using a water/energy wasting appliance & use of disposable resources instead of renewable) sounds like she believes you are ignorant about being green. Maybe you should initiate a conversation regarding this topic and see how it goes.
Bull.
No bully I ever stood up to caved, not once in my frequently-bullied life.
I would ask the landlord to install a lock (with a key) on the bedroom door, if there wasn’t already one there. I would use the kitchen as I needed to. I’d ignore her as much as possible, and certainly wouldn’t get into any yelling matches with her. If she responded to my ignoring her by escalating, I’d say “You seem to feel entitled to try to bully me, but you are not. If you don’t calm down and get out of my face I will call the police.” I would not post any signs about recording her, or do anything else to deliberately antagonize her. As I said, I’d ignore her and if she went on a rampage I’d go to my room and lock the door (or leave the apartment if that seemed more prudent) and call the police.
I am guessing that being an aggressive bully has been her modus operandi her entire life, and demonstrating that you won’t “play” should get you through. But if you actually think that she is mentally ill and dangerous, you should get out. If you can’t reach agreement on the money side with the landlord or person you sublet from, perhaps you could contact the housing authority to see if you have any recourse. I would guess probably not, but I don’t know.
I would be more than happy to sit down and have such a conversation but the relationship went downhill so fast that the roommate now (and ever-since her first tirade) refuses to have a civil open conversation about anything. No idea how I could rectify this. If there was an opportunity to discuss things like two rational normal people then all the issues would melt away but this doesn’t seem like it’s a possibility right now for her.
This seems like great practical advice. I am coming around to the notion that despite the sense of security that video-recording seemingly offers it’s not actually going to resolve the situation (though having a bit of hard evidence of her outbursts would be useful).
As to whether or not she is mentally ill or dangerous, I’m really not sure yet. Certainly I know she is under the influence of drugs or alcohol seven days a week starting early in the morning. I have noticed she talks to herself very regularly to, sometimes in ‘upset’ or oddly conversational ways. Her behavior to date has been highly unorthodox but tough to say what’s going on in her head. I am definitely concerned she could become fully unhinged but have no hard evidence of this yet (thankfully?).
Could be psych meds she’s under the influence of. Antipsychotics can be hard-core. Mental illness is not in and of itself dangerous, but given her history of violent outbursts with someone she barely even knows, I’d be mighty cautious.
Store off site any valuables and/or anything she might use to her herself or you.
Have a Fireproof safe so things don’t go missing.
Get a back-pack for your lap-top and take it with you. Always.
Add police numbers to your phone.
Get to know your neighbors & try to get their numbers. Can be helpful if you need to make an “Is she gone yet?” call.
Document everything, but don’t threaten her. Don’t confront her or mention how “this might affect her job”. Its about as smart as poking a tiger with a stick.
Rights are nice for reasonable people; recognise that she is NOT reasonable.
Recognize that if the police come for the drugs, they may take Everything (even things that are Yours).
^ This.
Its something like $25 to file a motion. She can (and may) BURY you in motions and you don’t have a free attorney.
GTFO. Move out. Get Out.
Buy her some better dope.
Another adding to the chorus of “move out—the costs of staying exceed the costs of moving.”
No amount of evidence will convince this person that she is being unreasonable; if she could be convinced, she would not be behaving like this.
No amount of shame will change her behaviour; if she could feel shame, she would not be behaving like this.
Her goal is to get you to subsidize her rent while never using the common areas or impinging on her life at all. This is unfair and unreasonable and yet it’s going to work. Anything you do is going to escalate the situation, because her only strategy is to escalate the situation. Leave.
sleep with your door barricaded shut and find yourself some place else to be the other 16 hrs of the day. The library is wonderful this time of year.
FYI, if she didn’t take the bar exam she’s not a lawyer, she’s just a prick without a dick.
You are now deaf, dumb and blind as far as she is concerned. Do not answer or respond to anything she says. She’s a ghost.
I’d buy the cheapest gopro $199 and a headstrap $20 and wear that in the apartment. She doesn’t need to be in front of it if she doesn’t want to be in your home movies.
Given that this woman is apparently psychotic I withdraw my previous advice that you confront her as a bully.
This, and she still manages to have a good job?
Do you have any clue about how she might be behaving at work?
Both of your suggestions are super interesting. With respect to refusing to acknowledge her in any way, I think this could help a bit however if I abandon all communication it could subsequently make the occasional situation difficult such as, for example, last week she forgot laundry in the dryer so I needed to contact her to ask if it was ok for me to remove the items so I could dry my clothes, or I’m sure there are other very occasional situations that could arise whereby having some sort of dialogue with the person sharing my space may be very helpful.
Strapping a camera to my head at all times while in shared spaces also seems a bit extreme given that I’m quite capable of quickly recording her with phone when needed and if I go this route I would notify her by email on advance and warn her as I start the recording. I do have an extra laptop I could set to constantly record my room.
Interestingly enough she works from home selling a bundled mortgage fund to investment advisors. Perhaps one can surmise from this that she doesn’t like being around people regularly. She can be quite personable on the phone, I actually did a Skype tour of the place before selecting it and she seemed very helpful and nice.
Have you dealt with many unstable people? They don’t handle these situations in a calm, rational way. A likely outcome is that she rips the camera from your hand and smashes it on the floor or throws it out the window. If you don’t give it up easily expect her to fight you for it. Unless you’re actually capable of physically defending yourself from her (and any object she has close by to use as a weapon), don’t provoke her like this.
I don’t understand how this landlord is being reasonable and helpful if he’s not taking steps to evict a dangerously unstable substance abuser from his property.
You don’t have to say anything to her ever again. She doesn’t exist. It’s a lot easier than you think.
She leaves things in the dryer, take them out, use the dryer and put her stuff back in when are done. You don’t need her permission or have a “dialogue” to use appliances because her clothes are resting in them.
You like wearing a gopro from now on. Video diary in your own home. That’s all there is to it. You’re not following her into the shower with it. Sending notifications and all that is just asking for trouble.
Leave. Call the expense an investment in your health and safety.
He has been in Australia. He is coming back on Friday and I think there is a good chance he will taken action against her.