But here’s a post linked from my last one that goes into more detail about one aspect:
And you can read a lot more about it in this MS. Foundation for Women report titled Living With Pocket Change (pdf)
Having to "put on a face” for donors rather than behaving authentically - one respondent in that last report calls it masking. Code-switching is second nature to most PoC in these spaces, but it’s fucking draining.
Having to overlook microagressions or even outright racism from donors.
Having to be a representative or stand-in for the actual recipients of the charity to the donors.
Those are all things I’ve seen myself, and are also called out in my cites.
I agree that charity ought to be WAY more about charitable institutions clearly showing what a good and worthwhile job they do, and donors thanking THEM for their skill and dedication, and for providing the opportunity to contribute financially to their valuable work.
The amount of fawning that some wealthy donors seem to expect, from people who are directly helping humanity by providing skills and knowledge and solace that the donors themselves couldn’t provide in a million years, is kind of sickening. The admiration and gratitude should chiefly be going the other way.
(And of course, when the donor writes a check the recipient says Thank you very much, we really appreciate it and will use it well, but that’s not at all the same as the courting and fawning that now seem to be expected.)
I’ve always been embarrassed by an extreme amount of thanks when I’ve donated to a charity. I’d honestly rather they didn’t say anything at all and just used the money to do whatever it is that charity does. I don’t even need an acknowledgement of any kind whatsoever.
Then again, I’m not wealthy and I’m never giving all that much (because I don’t have all that much in the first place) so that might make a big difference. Also, I like and prefer when you can donate anonymously and always take that option when it’s available.
I was a regular blood donor (stopped earlier this year, at least for now, due to being close to anemic in part from all the donations) and never have gotten used to all the “stuff” they want to give you now. Swag, points for things like gift cards, practically even cash. When I started donating 25 years ago you’d get a cookie. Just a cookie.
OK, going back to that gala for my school… Most of the role of buttering up donors fell on the student ambassadors (who also have other duties, at other events throughout the year, like showing prospective students around the school). The student ambassadors are, roughly speaking, a representative cross-section of the ethnicities at the school. Which means that they’re considerably whiter than the population as a whole, because our entire student body is whiter than the population as a whole. Which is, of course, due to all of the systemic issues that leave white people more economically affluent than minorities, since tuition is expensive and poor people have a lot harder time affording it.
Identify the problem, here. Is the problem that those student ambassadors who happen to be minorities are expected to pander to donors? Because the larger share of them who aren’t have the same expectation of them.
“Pander” is a loaded term that I think masks some important distinctions. Are the student ambassadors being their authentic selves when interacting with donors? They should of course be thanking donors effusively, but are they doing it because they are truly thankful, or because they’re being told they must serve the rich people?
If the kids see themselves as grateful participants, then there’s no issue for anyone. If they see themselves as servants, then it’s a problem for both whites and PoCs. But it’s a bigger problem for PoCs because they constantly deal with this expectation in their daily lives, whereas the white kids are only being asked to suck it up on this one night.
“Authentic selves” is a tricky concept at best to pin down, especially with teenagers. Certainly, they weren’t behaving the same way that they would if it were just them. They knew that there were different expectations at a gala than at a volleyball game, or at prom, or just hanging out. Is having different expectations in different contexts an infringement on authentic individuality?
Since they are teenagers, I’m gonna guess “no”. Most teenagers can barely manage to be truly thankful to their parents; expecting genuine gratitude to people who donated money to their school seems farfetched.
You just spew out every thought that comes into your mind unvarnished in public? Or do you adopt different standards of behavior in different contexts?
It’s not like becoming a completely different persona, like a master spy in disguise. It’s about behaving differently in different social situations and/or different company.
And when you do that, are you being inauthentic? Or are you just behaving differently in different situations? My authentic self isn’t spewing whatever thought comes into my mind.
Kissing up to rich assholes isn’t my authentic self. I’m baffled by people who aren’t getting this difference.
Sometimes, yes. As little as possible, but sometimes being a responsible adult means saying what is appropriate even if it’s not sincere. Sometimes you even have to say something inauthentic to prevent harming someone.
A real world example is that as an IT professional, at times I become privy to information about people I’d rather not know. Things that are reprehensible. Yet as a professional I still have to interact with them civilly. My authentic self would say they are a sick fucker and I can’t stand to see their face. As a professional I have to partition off that knowledge and act like I don’t know what they did. It’s difficult sometimes but I’ve been doiyit for decades so I have plenty of experience.
I’m sure it isn’t for many people who have to do it.
I’m glad I don’t have to do that sort of thing. I’d struggle. I am good at treating people with respect and being friendly, putting people at ease, gaining trust and respect in kind. I have interacted easily with the director of my agency (who reports directly to the governor) and young interns trying to find their way in a new environment. But I’m awful at flat-out sucking up to people. That’s just never been part of my nature and I can’t fake it well either.
I’m assuming “student ambassador” is a role students volunteer for?
Are they expected to say “thanks” personally? That’s not pandering.
Are they expected to stay shtum when a donor says to them that they’re a credit to their minority? Or they’re very articulate. That would be a bridge too far.
Yep. And it’s easy to see when they are being authentic. Kids are generally terrible actors.
Errm, do you not have duty of reporting in your org? I know ours does.
And why do you have to pretend like you don’t know, if you’re their IT guy? I certainly don’t have an expectation of privacy from my IT guy - he has more access to my org computer than I do!
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