Stupid News: Diet Dr Pepper does not cause weight loss

The BBQ Pit
1

Wait, it doesn’t cause weight loss? Really.

Are people really that fucking stupid? So the short version of the stories listed in the link is that one brainless idiot thinks Diet Dr Pepper is deceiving consumers into thinking it promotes weight loss, just because it has the word diet in the name. He tried to sue, but an appeals court called bullshit. I’m paraphrasing here, but that’s basically what they said. Just because the word diet is part of the name does not mean it falsely promotes weight loss. In this case, as with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi, or Diet Fucking Anything Else, it simple means low/no calorie, as anyone with a third grade education could figure out.

2

I’m thinking more rant, really.

Off it goes.

3

So you’re saying an actual debate couldn’t be derived from this?

4

Because you’d have a crowd of people lined up on the other side of the debate?

Here, I’ll start: Dr.Pepper himself promised me that if I kept on my Cheetos ‘N’ Crullers Diet, but drank the “Diet” stuff, I’d watch the pounds melt away, with none of those pesky workouts or even walking. Now I’m overweight (and out of breath, and an entitled jerk) and I think I deserve a few bags of cash for that.

5

Ooooo Cheetos ‘n’ Crullers… Yummmmmmmmmm!!!

On edit: Don’t try to make me drink any of that Dr. Pepper poison, though.

6

Does this mean that if I eat two bacon double cheeseburgers and a large order of fries and wash them down with a Diet Dr Pepper I won’t lose weight?

7

Don’t fight it; take it as a complement. We haven’t had nearly enough high-quality rants lately. (Not like the Good Old Days.)

8

I have it on good authority that a Diet Coke and a snickers bar cancel each other out.

9

I heard you can make an enema out of Diet Coke and Mentos.

10

If you eat nothing else and you run a marathon on the same day, yeah it will.

11

On the flip side of the coin I hate the misleading articles that say “Don’t drink diet soda! It will actually make you GAIN weight!”
Say what?! So if I drink a diet Coke with my lunch everyday instead of a glass of water or regular pop I’m going to gain weight?
“Yes, yes! Diet soda has ingredients that will actually make you hungry!”
So… you’re saying that I have no self control and whenever I’m hungry I’m going to stuff my face with calories? I’m just a slave to my hunger, destined to force feed myself and gain weight?
“Yep!”
Bullshit.

12

A while back Texas Monthly published the factoid that of some 50,000 licensed physicians in the state, only six had the last name “Pepper”.

You’re welcome.

13

Once.

14

For about 20 minutes, though?

15

Although I think Dr. Pepper tastes like spoiled semen from Satan, I have to believe it’s more conducive to weight loss than regular Dr. Pepper. And it was developed by Dr. Pepper, a well respected fizzician.

16

Bravo!

Does anyone else remember the urban legend that Dr. Pepper is made from prune juice and if you drink more than one you’ll poop your pants? That could be conducive to weight loss.

17

That would make it the soda pop of warriors!

18

Instead of making mock of the Diet Dr. Pepper scandal, we should be outraged at this sort of deceptive advertising.

Next up: a class action lawsuit against the Olay people for selling “Regenerist” skin cream, when it doesn’t actually bring the dead back to life.

19

Can’t remember the brand but I remember years ago a “diet bread” being marketed years ago. Its slices had, indeed, fewer calories than slices of ordinary bread – because they were thinner slices.

20

I remember that too! It was, as you say, years ago, but if fuzzy memory serves, they were up-front about why the bread had fewer calories.