Wow. Every one??
I didn’t have one, and in fact had never even heard of such a thing until I went to my friend Peter’s wedding, which was the first and only wedding I’ve ever seen one at. Maybe it’s regional.
I think they’re pretty tacky, personally.
Bullshit. My wedding was buffet and it was still priced per person.
This is good advice. I need to write this one down.
I think what bothers me most about this discussion is that there’s a lot of fussing about what being a good host entails, but pretty much nothing about what being a good GUEST entails. Yes, it’s the responisibility of the host to make a reasonable effort to see that the guests have what they need to have a good time. It is, however, the guests’ responsibility to make an effort to have a good time even under less than ideal conditions. That means eating food you might not like, being civil to people you might not like, and making an effort to take part in the provided entertainment, even if you think something else would be more fun. To do any less would be rude, and if you cannot manage that graciously, your ass needs to stay the fuck at home.
When one of DrJ’s fellow residents had a Superbowl party, I probably would have found the gathering far more enjoyable if they had rented a movie instead of watching a boring-ass football game. My increased enjoyment, however, did not obligate them to make that change, and it would have been assholish of me to insist that they do so to accommodate me. I did not feel up to graciously watching football (I’d prefer to watch my toenails grow, personally) and listening to several hours of talk about the hospital and the other employees there, so I stayed home.
The guests at our wedding probably would have had a nicer time if I’d offered them filet mignon and caviar instead of jambalaya and poboys. That did not obligate me to cut some people off our guest list so we could give some few a more enjoyable meal. I had made a reasonable effort to make sure there was something everyone could eat, served at a time suitable for dinner (6pm, as my grandpa takes a headache when his meals are off schedule), and that it was what we could afford for the people we wanted there. Beyond that, it was up to them.
I also find it rather selfish to insist that you bring a date so you won’t be bored, and then to further insist that your host/hostess spend time making chitchat with them so they’ll feel welcome. A lot of times weddings are populated with relatives and friends the couple doesn’t see as often as they like, and it’s insensitive and inconsiderate to cut into the time they get to spend with their loved ones so they can make your guest feel included.
Discussions like these make me hope my kids elope! 