Ok, I think I can answer this one, but we’ll need to turn from the world of Tolken to the world of Harry Potter for a moment. This female’s bizarre reasoning is explained in book seven. Even though it just came out and won’t reveal any major spoilers or plot points in theory, I’ll slap a little spoiler box around it just in case, as I don’t want to get slapped.
I believe the woman in question is a goblin. See, in the HP world goblins believe that if they make something and sale it to a wizard, after the wizard dies it reverts back to the goblin. It doesn’t say anything about selling to a muggle, but hey if I were an enterprising goblin and sold some nifty stuff I’d be happy to put it out there on the muggle market. Further proof of my theory would be if she looks like a goblin, but with all the plastic surgery and beauty products out there she may be able to pass. Also, goblin names tend to start with a G. Or the “friend” and her sisters could be the human fronts for the goblins.
In all serious, my heart goes out to you and your friend’s family. I hope that you can are able to be a source of support to each other in this troubling time.
Okay, I think it’s pretty clear that we all agree that this was a tremendously insensitive act. Can we try to play devil’s advocate and try to come up with a couple of reasons to defend these actions. I’m really curious if someone can come up with some good excuses.
One possibility, which I’m sure SnakesCatLady would have mentioned if this was the case, could be severe autism. Maybe this person is literally incapable of understanding human emotion in times of grieving. Sure they are guilty of a rude act, but maybe they just don’t have the ability to recognize it.
I can’t even comprehend the amount of tacky that caused this woman to do this.
I’ve met people who had few social skills, in normal social situations. Sometimes I am one.
But most people know what the fuck to do when someone dies. You shut the fuck up, say some nice things about the deceased, and bring over a casserole.
I cannot understand how someone could even ever decide that this was in any way ok or appropriate. Ever. Even if you’d had a secret lesbian relationship with this woman, and given her a family heirloom ring as a forever bond during a night of drunken sex (which I am not at all implying!) this is about the tackiest thing ever.
ETA: Best wishes to you SCL. Take care of you and them. Her family sounds great though.
Okay, so it was not a birthday or Christmas or I-saw-this-in-Santa-Fe-and-thought-you’d-like-it present? Just something she let the now-deceased woman “have” for an indeterminate time? Was it a diamond, a family heirloom, something with great intrinsic or sentimental value?
Not that any of that would excuse this, of course. I was even open to the possibility that there was more to this than you knew, like it had been a source of resentment for some time, having been borrowed and not returned. But for cryin’ in the cornflakes, anyone who values a ring over a friend is…well, she really is Smeagol. Look what happened to Deagol, after all.
It reminds me of one of my great aunts.
She was ‘old school’, raised and lived in the same house in central Otago (NZ) all her life. A bit - unusual - in her social skills.
She couldn’t remember from one minute to the next which of her nieces or nephews was visiting her, but she’d always pop out her full upper set of false teeth:
“Schee thosh? Real Otago Gold thosh are.”
When she died, my Dad was the only family member (she died childless) who could make it in time to attend the funeral. One of my uncles rang him, insisting that he get the false teeth.
Real Otago Gold you know.
They’re now buried in the local cemetery. The teeth *and *my great aunt.
Gollum? Yeah, all you can do is have nothing to do with her.
Leave her to her ring and whatever happiness she gains from that.
That’s funny, my first thought was that the ring wasn’t a gift at all, but was just something this “friend” had coveted during life and she decided to grab it while she had the chance. Then again, my mother-in-law is occasionally harangued (decades later) about a strand of pearls that apparently doesn’t exist but her inlaws believe she swiped.
:eek: How can anyone be so insensitive? She could have had the decency to wait at least a week before asking for it. It wasn’t even particularly important to her, since she gave it to your friend. Some people are just fucking unbelievable.
OK, I’ll have a go.
Maybe she wanted to offer her condolences but wasn’t really close to the family and didn’t know how to go about it. She wasn’t thinking straight and decided to go to their house pretending to ask for an old ring.
It doesn’t really hold up, but it just depresses me that anyone can be that mean. I’m impressed that your friend’s family was so classy about it. If it had been me, I would certainly have slapped her right then and there. Bitch.
That’s a good suggestion, that actually sounds like something I’d do, and be kicking myself like hell for it later. I’d build it up in my head a big sharing of condolence, but then get awkwardly embarrassed on arrival and then NEED to get out ASAP.
That is a possibility we (the family and a few close friends) discussed yesterday after the memorial service. Her sisters didn’t recognize the ring, so it wasn’t a family heirloom or anything. However, one of the sisters lives in Austria and the other in Vidalia, Georgia - so they really didn’t know what jewelry L owned or where she got it. None of her close friends remembered seeing it. Sisters said it wasn’t anything special.
Sister P. said when she handed the ring over, Ringbitch clasped it to her chest and said “I think I’ll have it melted down”. She said she almost replied “Yeah, with your firey fucking breath, you rude bitch” but decided not to stoop so low.
These really are nice people, which makes the offense even worse in my eyes.
My first thought upon reading your story was that this is one rung above taking the ring of the dead woman’s finger.
Now it’s at a whole new level! This pus-filled sac of a woman apparently wasn’t even concerned about sentimental value and actually made that clear to her family by saying she would have the ring melted down? So she wants the money from the gold or what??
So sorry for your loss. July 4th was only a short time ago, and to lose a friend in such a short time must be heavy upon you.
I’m sorry to say I’ve seen this sort of behavior before: such people assume that everyone else shares their same motivation, so they imagine they won’t be the other vulture on the scene.
Sadder still, they are often correct. I’ve seen flocks of old women, shirt-tail relatives of the deceased; commandeer their sons/sons-in-law with their station wagons so they can haul off choice pieces of furniture. Their case being that “family heirloom” = communal property) Please take what consolation you can from the fact that only one such specimen inflicted herself on the situation.
But, carrion-dogs are also pariah-dogs, and only one of you will be blessed with an appreciation of who your late friend was, while the other will only keep a useless token
I was trying to see this as “Woman, so shocked by the death of her dearly beloved friend and acting under the unpredictable influence of grief, impulsively and without tact seeks to secure the ring as a token to remember her by”, but the melting down comment makes my Pollyanna scenario even more implausible.
Grief can and does make people act in odd ways, but some people are just greedy, grasping parasites who lack the decency and compassion to show a little decorum in the presence of people who’ve just suffered a devastating loss. My heart goes out to you, SnakesCatLady, and to the family and loved ones of your friend. It’s a terrible shock to lose someone so quickly, but I hope at least you have many wonderful memories of her in happier times.
I sent this quote to my husband and said “This epitomizes why I love the SDMB.” I figured it would only be fair to let you know.
Back to Topic:
My husbands Grandfather died in the home of his money grubbing, soulless, evil conniving son. We knew damned good and well that if the old man got buried with his fillings intact it would be a fuckin’ miracle. My husbands sister wanted his hat. So we smuggled it out.
I did get one thing from that Hell House. A very dear and loving friend, pride in knowing I had taken the time to get to know him better than his own son and comfort in knowing that the time I spent with him would be remembered the rest of my days. My friend.
Best wishes to you and your friends family. May they live their days with peace knowing they made the right decision. And it sounds like your friend was a class act. We could use a few more of those, for certain.
My sympathies to you Snakescatlady and of course to the family.
I’ve had some in my family like this, simple vultures, lowlife creatures hardly worth your disdain.
Still…
I would find the most opportune time (no matter how long I had to wait) in a very public setting to whisper quietly in her ear the most positively vile, wretched, angry, horrible (and don’t forget personal) things you can possibly pack into two sentences, look her dead in the eyes for five full seconds afterward, and walk away forever.
Yes, I’d say whatever suits you. If it would be more effort for you to cold-shoulder her than to be polite, then be polite. If, OTOH, you find you can’t bear to look her in the eye, then let the arctic breezes blow. Bottom line, don’t waste time thinking about how you should react to her. React to her whichever way comes naturally. Anything short of a public stoning will still be more kind than she deserves.
If I were you I would become Ren from Ren & Stimpy in the episode “Sven Hoek”:
Crazed Oh, what I’m gonna do to you…
First, I’m gonna tear your lips out. Yeah. That’s what I’m gonna do. Then, I’m gonna hit you…and you’re gonna fall. And I’m gonna laugh…
Thanks, everyone! It has helped to get this out, although I am sorry to hear Ringbitch isn’t alone in her rudeness. I actually do feel better this morning - yesterday I woke up still angry.
I have to work with this classless bitch in a club. I will not quit the club, or my position on the executive board of it, to avoid contact with this bottom-feeder. Fortunately my duties do not require working directly with her, so I can avoid her most of the time.
So I’m going to keep my mouth shut and just be as cool as I can be to that scum-sucker, bless her heart. Unless she flat-out asks me what the problem is. Then I will tell her what the problem is. As eloquently as I possibly can, hoping I can remember some of the wonderful turns of phrase I have read here.
