I have had a series of frustrating experiences dealing with a certain species of low-wage employee that seems to be becoming more and more common in the cut-throat internet provider game. As profit margins dwindle or loss statements become ever more robust certain providers have taken to replacing their original, reasonably competent and educated staff with less costly uninducted jerks who have no real concept of how computer software or the Internet is supposed to work. Instead, they’ve been given a set of protocols which they slavishly follow depending on the complaint like members of a cargo cult. Yesterday, for example, I called my web site host to complain that our e-mail wasn’t working. In passing he mentioned that the server in Florida was down and that they were making repairs. Immediately I said, “Wait a minute. If the server is down, wouldn’t that explain the problem?” He then had me go through a bunch of screens and had me typing in various passwords to enter my site. I willfully obeyed on the theory that he must know something I don’t. That was not the case. After about twenty minutes I realized that was dealing with a first-class moron. To wit: A tech monkey.
We need this phrase. Spread it any way you can. Next time you call for tech trouble and realize that the person on the other end knows even less than you do, please do not hesitate to call out, “Oh, no! I got me a tech monkey!”
And please do make sure they hear you.