I recently had a first date (coffee) that went fairly well. We had a 2-hour conversation, but didn’t leave the cafe or have much physical contact. We hugged before parting.
I am definitely interested in her, but also aware of the fact that we haven’t yet built up that much chemistry (though there were few lulls in the conversation).
So:
How long do you guys think I should wait before calling or emailing for a second date? (I’m planning on contacting her tomorrow evening.)
What kinds of things would work best for a second date in this situation? I don’t really need specific destinations, since I’m in NYC and can easily find a nice restaurant/movie theater/play/etc. if I need to.
Perhaps a museum or gallery? If you had prior lulls in the conversation, it may be awkward to spend another couple hours directly facing each other at a restaurant. Wandering through a museum looking at exhibits does not require constant conversation (and also provides topics of conversation), so it often works well as a get-to-know-you date.
Plus, not to be crass, but it gives both of you a chance to discretely “survey the merchandise”.
After meeting my husband for a coffee date like you said, our next date was going to see an IMAX presentation of “Fantasia 2000” a couple of days later. It seemed like a good setting for a second date. We’ve been married for seven years now.
The museum or movie seems like a good idea since there is a built in point where you can end the date if you’re still not quite hitting it off as opposed to a going to a bar where after an two hours or so someone has to say “Well, ready to take off?” OTOH, alcohol provides a nice social lubricant that will help you glide through the conversation lulls.
My recommendation, email her sooner rather then later (personally I would have done it that night or the next day at some point) and just say something along the lines of “Hey, had a great time the other day, let me know when you want to get together again” and leave it at that.
Well, that was today, so we’re talking about a time period of one day. I’m not one of those 3-day-wait people, but, given that we didn’t get *that *far, I’d say 1 day is reasonable.
What’s your take on the timing of a real dinner date? The third date?
If you have access to a park with a pond, and if birds are about - swans, ducks and geese, get some fresh spinach, chop and bag it, and go feed’em. This also works well if you have access to Koi, bring a can of the large flakes/pellets.
After we met, my now-husband called me the next day to let me know that he had a good time and wanted to get together again. I was expecting the three day wait thing (or for him to never call again, or email to say get lost, because that was how all my meet-and-greets had gone up to that point), but the call the next day was very welcome. We were both looking for a partner online because we wanted to be with someone; there were no games to play, and neither of us played any.
I think we actually did go on a real dinner date for our third date.
God, I remember when the third date was when you had sex, not when you went out to dinner. nostalgic sigh
I’m another fan of “doing something” on early dates – museum or gallery, if that’s your kind of thing, or miniature golf or pool, or a flea market, or any activity that both of you would enjoy. It’s a great way to get to know each other better, and that’s why you date, to get to know someone better.
I like this idea for a second date - pick her up in time to get to the movie on time, then go get something to eat afterwards. The movie gives you something to talk about, to get things started. Hopefully, if you two like each other enough, the conversation will go from there.
If you then want to go on a third date, then lunch or dinner is a nice idea, you should be pretty comfortable talking by then. But, no fancy schmancy restaurants - go somewhere you’re comfortable, mid-range restaurant.
